Venting I am in so much pain

[d3ad]

I am in so much pain right now. I feel like I am suffocating. Words cannot describe the immense kind of pain I am feeling mentally. My mind keeps playing vivid imagery of flashbacks and other traumatic things I have witnessed and experienced. I have been through HELL. I cannot go for an hour without crying. I am just so exhausted. For some reason, I keep pushing back on ctb. I can't bring myself to do it, no matter how hard I try.

 

[DivineSpark]

You are not alone in this......

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have to suffer so unbearably, it sounds like you've suffered so much, it's just so cruel and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[d3ad]

You are not alone in this......

Thank you fren.

I'm sorry you have to suffer so unbearably, it sounds like you've suffered so much, it's just so cruel and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.

Thank you. It really sucks how we have to choice but to continue experiencing pain and suffering.

 

[gothbird]

That sounds unbearable. And also familiar.

When the mind won't stop replaying the worst, it's a kind of psychological claustrophobia. Like there's nowhere safe inside your own skull. No off-switch. No room to breathe. And I know what it's like to cry until your eyes hurt, and still feel like nothing's leaving your body.

The part about not being able to CTB, even when you want to—that's your survival wiring doing what it was built to do. It doesn't mean you're meant to stay. It doesn't mean you're not allowed to go. It just means you're human. And the human body fights to keep breathing even when the mind is begging to stop.
You're exhausted because you've been carrying something way too heavy for way too long. That doesn't make you broken. It makes you tired. There's a difference.

You're not alone in that place—even if it feels like it.
And even if you never find a way out, you still deserve gentleness while you're stuck in it.