Venting I am excluded from the game of life

[cringelord111]

How does the "life energy" express itself? Sex, friends, relationships, validation, going to places together with people, talking to people, making jokes...

I have been rotting in my f*cking bed for the past 10 years. With severe social anxiety (diagnosed), depression, BDD, fibromyalgia/CFS, and some other schizophrenia-like symptoms. All of them officially diagnosed, except fibromyalgia (99% sure i have it tho, in 24/7 pain all over my body, going to the store is a fucking PITA)

I've been treated like garbage EVERYWHERE (except my family).

But yeah my point is, i dont wanna identify as an "incel" cuz a lot of people here hate this word, but it goes deeper than that... I am completely excluded from LIFE.

These 4 walls are fucking killing me , man. I have to CTB ASAP, and i will, as soon as my SN arrives. A few more days and im GONE. (U less i have bad luck and that Canadian IC vendor f*cked me over.

 

[Mofreeko]

How does the "life energy" express itself? Sex, friends, relationships, validation, going to places together with people, talking to people, making jokes...

I have been rotting in my f*cking bed for the past 10 years. With severe social anxiety (diagnosed), depression, BDD, fibromyalgia/CFS, and some other schizophrenia-like symptoms. All of them officially diagnosed, except fibromyalgia (99% sure i have it tho, in 24/7 pain all over my body, going to the store is a fucking PITA)

I've been treated like garbage EVERYWHERE (except my family).

But yeah my point is, i dont wanna identify as an "incel" cuz a lot of people here hate this word, but it goes deeper than that... I am completely excluded from LIFE.

These 4 walls are fucking killing me , man. I have to CTB ASAP, and i will, as soon as my SN arrives. A few more days and im GONE. (U less i have bad luck and that Canadian IC vendor f*cked me over.

Can you DM me the company you ordered SN from?

 

[cringelord111]

Can you DM me the company you ordered SN from?

Can you DM me the company you ordered SN from?

That would be better than all this venting. Sec..

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds very horrifying what you are going through and I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. Life really is so unfair, and I can imagine that it must be torture being in so much pain. I wish you the best and I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens.

 

[partialhang]

Shitty game anyway. I would have never signed up to play if given the choice.

 

[hungry_ghost]

I have been rotting in my f*cking bed for the past 10 years.

Same!

I really feel for you. It feels like you're not a participant in existence, you're just an observer, and barely even that —

More like living vicariously through other people's experiences, through fantasy, through escapism, etc.

 

[cringelord111]

Same!

I really feel for you. It feels like you're not a participant in existence, you're just an observer, and barely even that —

More like living vicariously through other people's experiences, through fantasy, through escapism, etc.

Yeah.. exactly. Welcome to hell ig, but thats obvious, so..

Shitty game anyway. I would have never signed up to play if given the choice.

Facts.

Theres like 5 or 6 reasons as to why i wanna CTB. What i vented about was just 1 or 2.

 

[chocolatebar]

These 4 walls are fucking killing me

The walls...

I know very well what it feels like to be a victim of an empty room (and life). The absence of experiences is something that very few people can understand. To look outside of the window and realize that the world kept sinning around and time has passed. To lose a decade of life, to become mature without ever being young.

I've been trying to live whatever little youth I have left, but it's so painful to have a hole in our life, to see the younger ones doing everything we never did back then and so on. I'm doing some of those things today, but it's not the same and will never be.

 

[cringelord111]

The walls...

I know very well what it feels like to be a victim of an empty room (and life). The absence of experiences is something that very few people can understand. To look outside of the window and realize that the world kept sinning around and time has passed. To lose a decade of life, to become mature without ever being young.

I've been trying to live whatever little youth I have left, but it's so painful to have a hole in our life, to see the younger ones doing everything we never did back then and so on. I'm doing some of those things today, but it's not the same and will never be.

Yeah. There is no getting back the prime years. It's truly over. I am just a genetic failure in every way, and cannot cope anymore. My parents dont get my pain too

 

[Superdeterminist]

Very relatable. I feel this exact same kind of exclusion. It's intolerable. Get me out of this game where I'm just spectating and apparently not allowed to join in on the good times.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Okay that sounds so horrible how did you even go through this so long? I am going crazy and I been inside beside work the past 6 months

 

[Pluto]

I feel this way every day, except through work I have to be in the thick of it. Unable to even imagine what it would be like to be one of them.

I normally avoid using the "H" word but right now I can truly say that I hate autism. Imagine trading being loveable for a slightly more pompous intellect. Even the worst criminal does not deserve this.

 

[cringelord111]

Okay that sounds so horrible how did you even go through this so long? I am going crazy and I been inside beside work the past 6 months

I was able to go for so long because i was in a psychosis/anosognosia for 10 years (which basically means i didnt even KNOW something was wrong with me. I thought i was normal LOL.)

But now after 10 years i realized i wasnt normal at all, so yeah thats how.

People tell me i look very pale sometimes. And ive been called all sorts of names.