I am cringing when I have to compliment someone in real life

[noname223]

One time in school there was an exercise to give us compliments. I felt extremely uncomfortable. There were a lot of girls I barely knew. Yeah if I don't know these people how shall I compliment them? Shall I praise their outer appearance? But wouldn't this be kind of superficial.

I think I am in general not that good in complimenting other people. If I have a crush on someone it is not that difficult because I have a huge incentive and possible reward for it. But some of my compliments also backfired. But even with my best friends I don't feel fully comfortable to compliment them. Especially if it sounds corny. I think this is kind of toxic masculinity. I don't know giving such a compliment feels weak for me. Like acknowledging someone else is better as oneself in a certain skill.
I think the way I was raised was very counterproductive. I could get rid of some patterns of behaviors but some have sinken too way deep into me. (not sure about the translation)
To conclude I have to say I don't know. Sometimes it is difficult for me to compliment other people sometimes it isn't. I don't have much time a deeper analysis. I think it also depends on the environment.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Depends on country and environment. For either gender maybe just say "I really like your clothes", but that won't work if everyone is wearing a uniform. Otherwise you can say "I really like your style", or think about something that's personal to them that you know about them from school. "I admire your ability at sports", "I admire your intelligence", "I admire your aptitude at X", people generally like being told they're clever or good at something they enjoy. If you really can't think of anything you could say "It's nice knowing you" or something idk if that's lame, I just literally tried to think of things lol.

It's safer to stay away from complimenting people's immutable characteristics because they may or may not like it and commenting on them can be regarded as superficial. In asia you might get away with complimenting their hair somehow? I'm not sure about that though lol someone tell me. Hair can be a big deal for them. Here's the problem, if you barely know these people and they are all wearing uniform, it can be difficult to find something that isn't a superficial compliment, you just have to say something like you like their style, or the way they hold themselves, etc.

Don't mention height, at all, to anyone. Both genders are very sensitive to height-related remarks. It's dangerous territory unless you know the other person well. I'm taller than average btw which is in a decent zone to receive random height compliments, but don't go there just in case. If someone else brings up their own height in a positive light or in relation to yours in a positive light you can and probably should affirm it though.

Yes toxic masculinity is involved, go too far and someone will probably make fun of you for being 'gay', I don't know whether that is still a thing that happens in schools. I'm not that great at compliments either, giving or receiving. For an example of different ways of receiving compliments look up Thor from the MCU, as the series progresses he accepts them more gracefully and of course there are some humourous parts too when he's unconscious. You'll have to watch all the movies though as I don't remember when it happens exactly, but well-written characters can be good at accepting compliments for example.

 

[8evergo]

sometimes when i feel like it i start a quick talk and like to compliment beautiful women

 

[Hookah-smoking-cat]

So you pretty much are saying you don't give a crazy about anyone

 

[hamvil]

Wow I think that being forced to compliment someone must be really too much.

I am really terrible at this. When I was leading a group of people I was told by HR that I need to compliment my collaborator for the job done because this encourages them to do more. I never got it. If a job is well done the person doing it should know it already why would he/she need my compliments.

Same for some physical feature. Pretty women or men know very well they are pretty. Average or ugly ones know that as well. Why saying something that is clear or why saying a lie?

That said I am not really a reference on this topic. I have troubles communicating with people, all my jokes come out weird and I totally do not get all implied conversations. So I am probably the broken one here. I really need an handbook for the world.