On New Year's Eve 2000/2001, my father was hit by a taxi. My
father was in a coma for 17 days before he could... was allowed to... had to die. He was 52 years old.
We are thrown into what is generally referred to as life without being asked. We are born,
without being asked. And inevitably, we are condemned to death at the same time as we are born.
We are drilled to be productive, to contribute something to the "community". Which community?
Nobody asked me if I wanted to belong to it. Nobody questions this community. You have to
function, or you will be excluded from this community. You are forced to be a cog or
cog in a system. A system in which the individual becomes just an invisible part of the mass.
What happens behind the foreheads of those who do not feel able to cope with this pressure, who want to preserve their
individuality, is dismissed as sick and not in line with the system. It takes an incredible amount of strength to withstand this pressure. At some point, however, you no longer have any strength.
You just hope to gather enough courage to be able to put an end to your own earthly existence.
I myself have been fighting for as long as I can remember...
Every time I had the strength and courage, I survived. It was enough to drive you to despair.
Now I hope that I can finally go.
I finally want to be allowed to go. I wish for eternal rest, peace.
I have been living in the middle of rubbish for almost a year because I don't have the strength to clean it up myself.
Anyone who knows me knows that I have always lived an orderly life. Such chaos as I am now leaving behind was unthinkable even for me. I am ashamed of it. In the end, I was simply too weak to live on this earth.
I have written down my thoughts at irregular intervals... Maybe someone will take the time to read these lines...someday. And if there is to be a memorial service for me, I would like the song "Bring Him
Home" from Les Miserables to be played.
"The love in your heart, you take it with you"
"Death smiles at us all, the only thing you can do is smile back!"
"A person is only really dead when no one thinks of him anymore."
No my friend, you are not a failure, don't believe that because this world blames you for its faults, you are not the problem, you are the solution at least in part but the change that is needed to move the world forward, people are afraid of it and so they prefer to ignore and close their eyes, and you can't because you know, it's in you, it's your soul that is made like this, to wake up the consciences that always blame others.
But you're not a failure, and if people like you didn't exist, then there would be no hope for anyone.
Thank you very much for your words. Kind regards from Germany
