I was extremely suicidal last week and I joined Sanctioned Suicide. I came closer to death than ever before and I feel like I befriended it, it's the only friend I can count on 100%. I could kill myself any time I wanted to and everything will be over. It made me a bit calmer in the midst of my chronic mental and emotional suffering and perpetual confusion. But that doesn't mean that my life is any different. My therapist noticed my unusual calm and told me she thinks I really grew up in this last week. (And I did tell her that I was extremely suicidal and then for some reason I became calm.) I find that extremely invalidating and it's hurtful to think I am more acceptable when I am suicidal and not in touch with everything that is real about my life. I am more acceptable when I am detached from my pain.
You're not a little girl anymore.
uouee a woman that wants death. It's attractive too.
uouee a woman that wants death. It's attractive too.
BipolarGuy
Enlightened
- Aug 6, 2020
- 1,456
To be fair to your psychologist you can't expect her to be psychic.
She isn't invalidating your feelings.
You haven't even told her why you're feeling calmer.
But I agree, it's weird that this should be the case.
In some ways I'm surprised that she didn't dig further because psychologists are trained to recognise symptoms of impending suicide, one of which can be a feeling of being calmer due to thinking that all the nonsense will be over.
She isn't invalidating your feelings.
You haven't even told her why you're feeling calmer.
But I agree, it's weird that this should be the case.
In some ways I'm surprised that she didn't dig further because psychologists are trained to recognise symptoms of impending suicide, one of which can be a feeling of being calmer due to thinking that all the nonsense will be over.
No, wanting to die is not attractive.
Mixo
Blue
- Aug 2, 2020
- 773
Your therapist sounds condescending to me. Telling you you've "grown up" seems like a backhanded compliment but hey that's just me.
Well I literally told her why I'm feeling calmer.
BipolarGuy
Enlightened
- Aug 6, 2020
- 1,456
Oh! You told her that you're feeling calmer because you're planning to end your life?
Yes it did feel that way. She said that at the end of our session and I couldn't really say anything.
Yes, and that it made me feel like an exit is always available.
Lupgevif
.
- Jul 23, 2020
- 928
My therapist says she can see on my face I am not depressed anymore, even though I have never told her I feel any better. All I think about everyday is suicide.
I felt as if I was the one who wrote this thread! That's exactly what happened to me when I tried to CTB in August. Unfortunately I failed but, it's great to be calm when the moment comes.
As for therapists, they are easy to manipulate, so, I understand you lol.
Anyway, GL with everything and keep yhat calmness. It's essential.
As for therapists, they are easy to manipulate, so, I understand you lol.
Anyway, GL with everything and keep yhat calmness. It's essential.
BitterlyAlive
---
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,635
Holy shit. First of all, the way your therapist talked to you almost puts a sense of morality on your feelings. She's not concerned at all for your well-being? Going from outwardly, incredibly suicidal to calm in a week is such a red flag. And if I read what you said properly, you even told her why you feel calm?
I really identify when I've been intent on suicide people actually gravitate towards me and seem to like me automatically where as when I was trying to sort things I was pretty much disowned by everyone. Life really is a joke.
CrazyMary
Student
- Sep 20, 2020
- 135
Yes, knowing that the exit door is close brings a sense of calm. Sometimes I just think I might stay here for a while try to work things out and if it just gets worse I will just CTB.
Thanks for the validation.
Makes me feel less alone. Therapists can be extremely confusing to me, but I so need support in my life I can't go without one. No one is as stable and reliable as death though.
Yes it was the first thing I told her at the session. And at the end of the session she told me this. People tend to see me as intelligent or mature if I manage to be calm and they mistake that for emotional maturity and mental stability. I hate that so much.
Yes! I really don't get that. It's like getting fucked by life when you thought you reached rock bottom.
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Cherrypea
I remember when all this will be again
- May 3, 2020
- 414
She sounds a bit like my therapist who I've just 'broken up' with (I made a thread about this yesterday). Back in July /August time when I first became active on this site and read through the resources, I told her how I'd been thinking much more about death and much of my anxiety dispersed (it had changed to a depressive stage) and she said yes it's calming isn't it. Looking back I should have found someone else then. Is that a possibility for you?
k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,546
I'm not wishing "bad" things on you, but I can't believe your therapist dismissed such a glaring red flag. Suddenly calm or happy is like the most basic suicide warning sign, and pretty much everyone knows that. I'd be concerned with the quality of treatment you got all around from this person, honestly.
I have a bad therapist now, and I'm in the process of looking for a new one. She's nice and empathetic enough, but our sessions aren't really about me. Sometimes I walk away feeling like I gave HER therapy! She talks about her life way too much. The first several minutes of our last session was her describing what she was making for dinner and then how she's taking her husband in for medical tests for x, y, and z reasons. I usually just let her go on, because it's easier than feeling whatever it is I'm upset about, but that's really wasting everyone's time.
I have a bad therapist now, and I'm in the process of looking for a new one. She's nice and empathetic enough, but our sessions aren't really about me. Sometimes I walk away feeling like I gave HER therapy! She talks about her life way too much. The first several minutes of our last session was her describing what she was making for dinner and then how she's taking her husband in for medical tests for x, y, and z reasons. I usually just let her go on, because it's easier than feeling whatever it is I'm upset about, but that's really wasting everyone's time.
