Venting I am at the end of the road

[TheLonelyReaper]

Hi everyone , I am a 20 years old guy with a full time job that has literally ruined my life. I feel forced to stay there, it is a work that is a particular type of academic school too, and that makes it so stressful and full of rules. It's not for me, I would like to do other things even though I don't know what. Other than that, I talked many times to my parents about leaving this place, but I had violent reactions by my father and desperate ones from my mother. The only thing they care about is money, they thing that as long as i earn money and don't bother them, anything will be fine. But that's not the case, I have been contemplating to end it innumerable times, without a single real attempt though. The peak was reached in August, when I ordered SN through internet and unfortunately it didn't arrive. I have lost the totality of interest in humanity, I reject every human connection because I feel like they are all hypocritical and trivial in their behaviour. I lost my gf in April due to my mental situation, and my only 2 friends months before. I am so cooked that today I started venting to chat gpt, that's the situation. I feel completely numb towards my family, instead in the past I had that minimum of affection that linked me to them. I don't talk to them and I don't listen the voice of them from the 18 of August. Do I miss that? Not at all, my mind figures them out as the responsible of my miserable situation, my hate towards the world and peers, my despair and of the work I am locked in. I tried talking to a psychologist to, it lasted three months, but after a while I was tired of hearing always the same bullshit.
It might be true, I have to step towards other, change my mentality, but I felt firstly pleased by the path the therapy was taking, then I started thinking it was a total waste of time and money, without any progress that occurred in weeks despite the numerous appointments. Probably i am the reason of the lack of improvements, I just want to ctb and say farewell to this life, I think life is not for everybody, and we should stop saying things like: "It gets better" and etc. We are free to choose our fate, and hearing the same shitty advices makes me wanna puke every time.
Sorry for all that, don't judge my grammatical errors please, I am not even a native in English.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting to be gone, I also see existing as not for me. But anyway I wish you the best.