Venting I am an untalanted failure of an artist and I hate myself for even trying to compete with other people who have it all easier.

[CompleteClusterfrik]

Art was always my NUMBER 1 passion in life, even though I also enjoy modeling, choreography, acting and other kinds of stuff. My life felt very diverse before I've started to look at myself and what I do differently.

I've been a self taught artist for as long as I can remember myself. When I was a kid my town didn't have an art school and we also didn't have any Internet connection, so I didn't have much of a choice. I remember everyone around me telling me that I am a talented person, that I have something inside of me, that I will become VERY good at it. How naive and stupid I was to belive in such obvious lies...

Now that I moved to a different town in order to get an education, I've discovered many talented artists who then became my friends. At first I wasn't bothered by the fact that they were better than me, I was inspired to get better... But no matter what I did, I couldn't. Every day I was pushing my limits, learning and practicing as if my life relied on it and I couldn't get even CLOSE to them. All of them finished an art school, all of them took it as granted and didn't enjoy the time the've put into studying and now that they have such skill in which they are not interested in, I HATE THEM FOR THAT! IT FEELS SO UNFAIR! WHY DID I GET BORN IN SUCH A SH*THOLE?! THIS IS SO UNLUCKY!

Every time I create a new canvas, I can spend a WHOLE DAY perfecting my sketch just to get it RIGHT. By that time they can finish their best works yet. Because of that I feel like my life is a 'failed attempt', a rough sketch that I want to erase and start over. But I can't... I am 20 years old and there are kids who draw better than me even though I've put my heart and soul into this hobby. I don't want to do anything in life, but draw... But the world doesn't need my shitty art, so it doesn't need me either I guess...

 

[emptyheart]

Art is all about expression and not about how objectively good someone is at it. I went to art school and I know how overwhelming it can be to see how talented others are, but that doesn't mean you don't have something special that others don't have. I gave up on school because that isnt the life I wanted to live. I wanted to enjoy art for the simplicity of it and for my own freedom of expression, not for commercial uses or for competition. People have to make a living, but exploiting what makes art beautiful and using it to advertise a new pair of sneakers is not art for me.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

I'm not an artist but I relate to feeling so far behind everyone and everything. I program and play piano.... kids do those better than me.

Don't have much to add. Just wanted to say I relate.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

When it comes to art and to what's viewed and regarded as good or better is a very subjective thing as people have different tastes especially when it comes to art. I remember being told by my professor that I had a bright future ahead of me because he said he liked the way i wrote my assignments etc and I thought that was kind of him to say and I even helped a lot of my friends then with their assignments because they thought so too etc.This is something that I truly wanted to do even though sometimes it was stressful but I wanted them to do well for themselves.

I guess he was as right as I managed to work for top companies in the world like Balfour Beatty, Citi Group, Aetna International etc just to name a few as I never had any issues with getting jobs. But when I look at it now I don't even consider that as success as I feel like I was most happy when I was working at a hospital with a job most wouldn't regard as success on paper.

But funnily enough my ultimate success would be the day I leave this world as I just hate living .

OP please stop comparing yourself to other people because if you do that you will be so unhappy, look at the Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos who is extremely rich and what society would deem as successful and I agree to that in terms of monetary value that he is successful etc. In my case I had someone contact my workplace through a hate campaign yeah someone like me according to them "lack substance"… I always wonder why this person who is "so successful" would even bother this "unsuccessful person" by even reaching their workplace and other people connected to me so that i can lose my job and also so that I can lose "friends" hahah.

But having said that this still doesn't change the way I feel about life. And also you don't need to hate them or compare yourself to them because you don't even know if they are really successful and for those who are truly successful on monetary value wouldn't even let you know - The likes of Roman Abramovich and In this day and age most things are smoke and mirrors and mostly won't be as they might seem.

However, having said that I wish you all the best with whatever decision you will end up choosing.

 

[watchingthebuses]

I feel like the difficult thing with art is you have a set expectation of yourself that is so hard to achieve. No matter how much soul you pour into it, you look up from your work after hours and hours of blood, sweat, and tears, it will never be perfect. Especially nowadays where you can see so many talented people pumping out amazing work right there on social media.

It's such a cliche but it's a fight with yourself. What do you define as a successful art? What's your current goal with your craft? How do you define as an art that you're proud of? It's hard not to compare yourself with others because, damn, they're there. How can you not? It's so discouraging when you spent years working on your craft only to turn on the YouTube video about some middle schooler who picked up drawing a year ago speedpainting like a pro.

I empathize with you, it's a difficult road to walk down when you can see how others are doing comparatively in such visual way. I think in all areas, you will have someone who is better and more talented than you, in academics, sports, etc. I found that rather than focusing on others, looking inwardly to yourself and setting small goals that you would want to advance and meet is the only way to keep the sanity. Otherwise the world is too vast and we are too insignificant that nothing ever matters.

Well actually for me I'm an absurdist so I believe living is absurd and just roll with it but regardless.

 

[dreamscape1111]

If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), "Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?" chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.

Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle

Are you paralyzed with fear? That's a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.

Steven Pressfield

Our job in this life is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.

Steven Pressfield

We must do our work for its own sake, not for fortune or attention or applause.

Steven Pressfield

The most important thing about art is to work. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying.

Steven Pressfield

That book will save your life, blessings

We are all diamonds in a rough, keep faith, think long term, and all will be well.