iamjustapebble
i hate this
- Sep 20, 2025
- 26
I'm a 19 year old trans guy and everything sucks.
Every single one of my friends left me. One by one. I'd get one friend, less than a year later they'd tell me that I'm too toxic/annoying/boring/tiring/etc. This happened 5 (if not 6?) times. I was genuinely hated in highschool. If I tried to talk to more than half of those people now they'd tell me to fuck off and that I'm a bad person. Even though every single time I was met abandonment I still tried to make friends. It did teach me a very important lesson though - i am a very bad person and it does not matter if I even try to change. I'll just be bad anyway. I was told many times even after i tried becoming better "fuck you, you deserve to suffer, you have not changed at all, you're a terrible person". And I tried being better, getting better. And it meant nothing. And you know what the best part is? Those people who made my life hell have it amazing - they look good, they have friends, they aren't made fun off, they don't have a crippling mental illness. I, however, am very ugly, hated by everyone, scared to even speak, I'm very ill.
I have a boyfriend. I'll be honest, I treat him horribly. Why should I treat him better? Even if I tried to be good he would leave, I might as well be honest with him - I told him that I know he'll leave and he started crying. I did not feel a thing, except that he was pretty annoying for crying. I had a very similar relationship before where I genuinely tried to be good. You can probably guess how that ended.
And there probably more problems that I simply forgot to mention here but this is a very major one. I'm killing myself. And I know everyone will be soooo sad when i die and they'll jerk themselves off "oh if only I could've helped, I'm such a good person for even wanting to!" well you didnt. and you couldn't have anyway. and the people who will be happy that I'll die just make me wanna die more, maybe i finally make someone happy
Every single one of my friends left me. One by one. I'd get one friend, less than a year later they'd tell me that I'm too toxic/annoying/boring/tiring/etc. This happened 5 (if not 6?) times. I was genuinely hated in highschool. If I tried to talk to more than half of those people now they'd tell me to fuck off and that I'm a bad person. Even though every single time I was met abandonment I still tried to make friends. It did teach me a very important lesson though - i am a very bad person and it does not matter if I even try to change. I'll just be bad anyway. I was told many times even after i tried becoming better "fuck you, you deserve to suffer, you have not changed at all, you're a terrible person". And I tried being better, getting better. And it meant nothing. And you know what the best part is? Those people who made my life hell have it amazing - they look good, they have friends, they aren't made fun off, they don't have a crippling mental illness. I, however, am very ugly, hated by everyone, scared to even speak, I'm very ill.
I have a boyfriend. I'll be honest, I treat him horribly. Why should I treat him better? Even if I tried to be good he would leave, I might as well be honest with him - I told him that I know he'll leave and he started crying. I did not feel a thing, except that he was pretty annoying for crying. I had a very similar relationship before where I genuinely tried to be good. You can probably guess how that ended.
And there probably more problems that I simply forgot to mention here but this is a very major one. I'm killing myself. And I know everyone will be soooo sad when i die and they'll jerk themselves off "oh if only I could've helped, I'm such a good person for even wanting to!" well you didnt. and you couldn't have anyway. and the people who will be happy that I'll die just make me wanna die more, maybe i finally make someone happy
