I did a writing exercise yesterday in which I outline all the relationships I've had over the years. I'm old, in my 40s.
Without exception, I've had a negative impact on literally everyone in my life - parents, siblings, spouse, children, co-workers, acquaintances. I'm a bad person.
It's like there's this inertia in my life that takes me back to old patterns, behaviors, thoughts. Even after therapy, drugs, goals, progress - I go back to being the garbage person that I am and hurting someone I care about.
To make matters worse, I'm too much of a coward to do the right thing and catch the bus.
My only wish is to have someone who knows me - really knows me - to acknowledge that I'm living cancer and encourage me to do the right thing. If that were to happen, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to have the courage to make the right choice.
But for now, I'm too much of a coward to do anything and too weak to change in any significant way. I'll continue to be a negative influence on the world.
Without exception, I've had a negative impact on literally everyone in my life - parents, siblings, spouse, children, co-workers, acquaintances. I'm a bad person.
It's like there's this inertia in my life that takes me back to old patterns, behaviors, thoughts. Even after therapy, drugs, goals, progress - I go back to being the garbage person that I am and hurting someone I care about.
To make matters worse, I'm too much of a coward to do the right thing and catch the bus.
My only wish is to have someone who knows me - really knows me - to acknowledge that I'm living cancer and encourage me to do the right thing. If that were to happen, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to have the courage to make the right choice.
But for now, I'm too much of a coward to do anything and too weak to change in any significant way. I'll continue to be a negative influence on the world.
