aguilasinalas
Member
- Oct 6, 2024
- 5
Dear forum,
I would like to share my story with you because I think is the only place that can understand me.
I always been a football ( soccer) fan from my childhood. Unfortunately this passion in the last year converted to my worst nightmare.
It all began when I moved from Mexico to Spain a year ago. At first, I felt incredibly isolated, and making friends was difficult. In an attempt to cope with the loneliness, I started gambling small amounts of money. But over time, I became obsessed with trying to recover my losses, and the stakes kept growing larger.
When I arrived in Spain, my mother sent me her savings because she preferred to have them in Euros rather than Mexican pesos. Unfortunately, I've lost 80K. Now, with her planning to visit at the end of May, she's starting to ask me about the money and how we can invest it.
This feeling of having lost everything is creating a deep sense of disgust and is causing problems in my life. I have a girlfriend who doesn't know what's going on, and lately, we've been having many issues. Our relationship feels distant, and there's no intimacy between us—my mind is consumed by other thoughts. There are moments when I randomly start crying throughout the day.
Honestly, I'm at a point where I love the people around me, but I can't bear carrying this weight anymore. The last time I saw my mother during the holidays in Mexico, she said to me, "I hope you haven't touched the money, because that's my money."
I'm not strong enough to tell her the truth, and I don't know how to continue living like this.
I know I'm not the only one facing this, and I've read that there's a strong link between gambling and suicidal thoughts. It's troubling to see famous figures promoting gambling; they should really stop doing that.
About the suicide I am thinking to jump under the train. I saw some videos in X that inspired me like this:
I don't know when I will do it, daily I take the Metro and think about to jump. I have already prepared the text to send her through Whatsapp.
Thank you for reading this, it has allowed me to vent a little. I wish you all a good evening or a good day.
I would like to share my story with you because I think is the only place that can understand me.
I always been a football ( soccer) fan from my childhood. Unfortunately this passion in the last year converted to my worst nightmare.
It all began when I moved from Mexico to Spain a year ago. At first, I felt incredibly isolated, and making friends was difficult. In an attempt to cope with the loneliness, I started gambling small amounts of money. But over time, I became obsessed with trying to recover my losses, and the stakes kept growing larger.
When I arrived in Spain, my mother sent me her savings because she preferred to have them in Euros rather than Mexican pesos. Unfortunately, I've lost 80K. Now, with her planning to visit at the end of May, she's starting to ask me about the money and how we can invest it.
This feeling of having lost everything is creating a deep sense of disgust and is causing problems in my life. I have a girlfriend who doesn't know what's going on, and lately, we've been having many issues. Our relationship feels distant, and there's no intimacy between us—my mind is consumed by other thoughts. There are moments when I randomly start crying throughout the day.
Honestly, I'm at a point where I love the people around me, but I can't bear carrying this weight anymore. The last time I saw my mother during the holidays in Mexico, she said to me, "I hope you haven't touched the money, because that's my money."
I'm not strong enough to tell her the truth, and I don't know how to continue living like this.
I know I'm not the only one facing this, and I've read that there's a strong link between gambling and suicidal thoughts. It's troubling to see famous figures promoting gambling; they should really stop doing that.
About the suicide I am thinking to jump under the train. I saw some videos in X that inspired me like this:
I don't know when I will do it, daily I take the Metro and think about to jump. I have already prepared the text to send her through Whatsapp.
Thank you for reading this, it has allowed me to vent a little. I wish you all a good evening or a good day.
