Venting I am a coward

[Always_Ascending]

i think i want someone to notice something is off without me having to tell them. How on earth do you even begin a conversation about ctb thoughts? I'm scared to tell my mum because I just feel so ungrateful to be having these thoughts. I think I might have depression but I don't think anyone will believe me because I don't 'act like I do' in front of them. I also don't want to self-diagnose because I'm scared that I will just be that person who self-diagnoses them-self. Sorry if this seems really scattered, I can really gather my thoughts properly atm.

 

[meltskelt]

i think i want someone to notice something is off without me having to tell them. How on earth do you even begin a conversation about ctb thoughts? I'm scared to tell my mum because I just feel so ungrateful to be having these thoughts. I think I might have depression but I don't think anyone will believe me because I don't 'act like I do' in front of them. I also don't want to self-diagnose because I'm scared that I will just be that person who self-diagnoses them-self. Sorry if this seems really scattered, I can really gather my thoughts properly atm.

There is no rigth way to act if you have depression, and sometimes self diagnoses are important. U aren't a pretender. I don't really know how you could tell anyone about wating to die, sometimes it is better to just don't? Your mother would probably not know what to say to you, but if you are unsure about dying, take a moment with yourself and think " what would I do if not dying? " - " is there anything I want more than this?"
Sorry if I cant really be Helpfull at all, I cant say to just not die, but maybe u should try going to a psychologist

 

[UKscotty]

You're not a coward. A coward takes an easy way. You are fighting on and asking questions.

Maybe speak to a doctor to see if that helps.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You're not a coward! How old r u? You can search for doctors / therapists and consult them? That won't need your parents involved directly. I understand that it is difficult especially when you seek help but consider visiting a doctor directly.

 

[Kit1]

i think i want someone to notice something is off without me having to tell them. How on earth do you even begin a conversation about ctb thoughts? I'm scared to tell my mum because I just feel so ungrateful to be having these thoughts. I think I might have depression but I don't think anyone will believe me because I don't 'act like I do' in front of them. I also don't want to self-diagnose because I'm scared that I will just be that person who self-diagnoses them-self. Sorry if this seems really scattered, I can really gather my thoughts properly atm.

I am so sorry that you are experiencing so much pain that you are having thoughts about CTB. Your struggles and depression are real and it sounds that you need help. Everyone who has commented here so far hear you and understand, accept amd sympathise with your difficult, horrible and sad predicament. May I please ask how old you are and which country you live in? If it is in the UK, I might be able to signpost..,

You really need to reach put to the medical professionals. Please feel free to message me. You might also find the recovery section contains useful advice.

Please believe in yourself and your suffering and the right to reach out for support. Ideally if we can be our own best friend, ambassador and supporter - it is that much easier to deal with our difficulties and reach out for support.the problem with depression is that we tend to be self doubters and are usually our own enemies due to low self esteem, negative thought processes etc - hence we need to try andnputt together the right person or people to support us.

Sending you lots of good wishes and hugs. Take care.

 

[Olisop21.]

I'm a coward. Picked up my meds now I have a lot of anxiety. I need to plan this. Time to ctb.