Perfectionism is slowly killing me and I can't keep living this way. I've always gotten good grades throughout high school and will likely be able to keep that up through college (graduating in May). I don't say that to brag or anything, because I've literally destroyed myself mentally and physically to keep it that way. I made a stupid calc mistake on an exam today (like a really, really stupid mistake) and it was enough to send me spiraling into depression and self-hatred. I know it's sounds irrational from the outside, I probably still did well on the exam overall and my grade in the class will likely be fine. But it's such an awful feeling.
I'm so tired of ruining my sleep schedule, fighting my mental health issues, and trying my fucking best but still coming up short. It's never good enough, because I'm just a failure. Academics are the one thing I'm supposed to be able to do, so how can I make such stupid mistakes. If that's all I'm worth, than I'm clearly worthless. I'm not looking for affirmation or anything, these feelings are so deeply ingrained in me from when I was young. I just can't keep going on like this, I'm so sick of feeling like a failure. I'll never be good enough for myself or others.
I'm so tired of ruining my sleep schedule, fighting my mental health issues, and trying my fucking best but still coming up short. It's never good enough, because I'm just a failure. Academics are the one thing I'm supposed to be able to do, so how can I make such stupid mistakes. If that's all I'm worth, than I'm clearly worthless. I'm not looking for affirmation or anything, these feelings are so deeply ingrained in me from when I was young. I just can't keep going on like this, I'm so sick of feeling like a failure. I'll never be good enough for myself or others.
