I actually took care or myself

[Qua]

I don't think I have an actual chance of recovering anytime soon but I'd say that I took a step into making myself feel better physically.

I know it's gonna sound so dumb but I took a shower for the first time since like... I don't even know, I'm not sure if it was even this year (yeah). I have no energy to take care of myself in any other way than put on makeup before going out and wash my hair so I look decent (sometimes I don't even do that). Taking a shower is such a simple and daily thing for my parents and yet here I am feeling like I just did something that will improve the way I feel.

I don't know, I'm not even sure if I feel better now after doing that but the thought of being able to wear t-shirts because my arms aren't covered in dirt anymore is somehow good.

It's so disgusting to read and think about but I really have no other place to share my thoughts than here.

I want to cry because I actually did take care of myself even if it's such a normal and simple thing like showering since somehow it was really hard to get up and do. I really wish someone could understand the way I feel and tell me that I'm not some idiot and they felt somehow similar...

 

[Seven Threads]

Hey there, no nick! First off, congratulations on managing to get into a shower and clean yourself off! I know it seems like such a simple thing, and for a lot of people it is, but you are far from the only person to be utterly incapacitated by poor mental health. Quite the contrary, the inability to perform even the most basic of self-care tasks, such as showering, is one of the hallmarks of severe depression, among other things. And people who've never been there themselves won't ever be able to understand how utterly impossible it can be to even attempt such tasks when you're in that state. I've been there, I know.

But you did it anyway! You accomplished a thing. Don't sell yourself short because it was a thing that most people would consider easy; for you it's not. The roadblocks you had to overcome in your brain and body in order to do that are both immense and very real, and if you forget that, or you submit yourself to the idea that it wasn't an achievement or it should be easier, you'll rob your own power to do it again.

This is what recovery looks like in the early stages. Finding that will and that drive to do one thing, just one simple little thing, and flexing that tiny bit of stubbornness that you possess to just get out of bed in the morning. Don't stop. :)

 

[SoftWorries]

I'm on a two day streak shower squad

I'm actually frightened in the shower because of past trauma concerning it. It's an overwhelming experience for me

You're doing great

 

[StarMessenger]

Congratulations! I understand how thats feels, good job! Slowly you'll start feeling better about it, and even if you stop doing it, thats okay, recovery is not a linear path. so proud of you <3

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i can definitely relate, i feel disgusting when i dont have the energy to shower and it makes me even more inclined to stay inside and away from others to avoid peoples comments. i think ive showered twice so far this year, and only because i had somewhere to be and was terrified of people judging me for not showering. right now my hair is so gross and i can smell myself everytime i move and its really affecting my mental health, but i just dont have the energy to do anything about it.
thats amazing that you managed to do it for yourself, its so hard to do things for yourself when youre in such a low state. even if you didnt feel much better afterwards, its a step in the right direction and im proud of you. its nothing to be ashamed of, its a real struggle that many of us deal with and the shame and guilt we feel because of it only makes it harder. sending you hugs if you need them <3

 

[andaira2k]

Hey, no_nick_idea,
I am very sure that not only me, but everyone here is more than proud of you!
As mentioned before, you did something, that may be easy for other people, but seems to be a difficult task for you, which is totally alright and that makes it an even better achievement.
And always feel free to share your thoughts and achievements like this, since every single step is important for recovery.
But now try to keep that streak going and keep taking care of yourself, as it will only make you happier!
Best of luck :)

 

[purity]

Congrats! honestly, i dont see it as disgusting and i often struggle with doing daily tasks as well. keep up the good work and i hope it feels rewarding :)

 

[Ilovecupcake]

Hey no_nick, that's amazing news! You have taken a step forward recovery, it might be small but that doesn't matter you did it, you're champ! Alot of people don't have the energy to wake up and do simple tasks like showering, heck sometimes I can't do that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You're in the right way to recover.
It's been 3 months since your post, I would love to hear an update on your current status.
Remember don't give up no matter what, even if it's slow to recover it'll be better in the future!

 

[thechamp]

Let's go small wins push you to make them habits