Venting I absolutely must die

[timetodie24]

For a long time I've wanted to die and this is still very true. But now I also know that I have to. I don't think anyone understands but a few weeks ago it suddenly hit me I should already be dead. I can feel it, physically feel that I'm not meant to be here. I'm out of place and shouldn't exist. I'm an error, a defect. I'm not sure how I've survived this long as I shouldn't be alive. I can feel something has gone wrong in the system or the universe. I need to correct it and exit. I really shouldn't be alive. It's like there's been a glitch and it hasn't been detected that my expiry date passed.

Not sure where the realisation has come from, idk if it's related to me chickening out of a jumping plan last month. Currently working on new plan. I wish society, family and my situation didn't keep making it harder. As CTB is inevitable for me, it's already later than it should be, but it will happen and order will be restored. No one can mess with laws of nature, it will happen no matter their futile attempts to make it difficult and painful for me

 

[damnatio memoriae]

yeah same

 

[Lookoutbelow]

What is the new plan? I plan on jumping, but haven't heard of a single person on here able to go through with it. What happened for you to "chicken out?"

 

[timetodie24]

What is the new plan? I plan on jumping, but haven't heard of a single person on here able to go through with it. What happened for you to "chicken out?"

Yeah struggling to find stories of success other than news articles.
I just froze, SI i guess, also fear of failure as no bridges near me are guaranteed fatality but high likelihood of drowning if jump into river current.
So idk if i'm going to try hanging instead, seems easier but also worry about brain damage if not done right . So researching that atm as much as possible.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Yeah struggling to find stories of success other than news articles.
I just froze, SI i guess, also fear of failure as no bridges near me are guaranteed fatality but high likelihood of drowning if jump into river current.
So idk if i'm going to try hanging instead, seems easier but also worry about brain damage if not done right . So researching that atm as much as possible.

Thanks for responding. Jumping is the only method I think about. I used to think it would be no problem. Now I wonder. Good luck with whatever method you chose.

 

[lojogoeshome]

For a long time I've wanted to die and this is still very true. But now I also know that I have to. I don't think anyone understands but a few weeks ago it suddenly hit me I should already be dead. I can feel it, physically feel that I'm not meant to be here. I'm out of place and shouldn't exist. I'm an error, a defect. I'm not sure how I've survived this long as I shouldn't be alive. I can feel something has gone wrong in the system or the universe. I need to correct it and exit. I really shouldn't be alive. It's like there's been a glitch and it hasn't been detected that my expiry date passed.

Not sure where the realisation has come from, idk if it's related to me chickening out of a jumping plan last month. Currently working on new plan. I wish society, family and my situation didn't keep making it harder. As CTB is inevitable for me, it's already later than it should be, but it will happen and order will be restored. No one can mess with laws of nature, it will happen no matter their futile attempts to make it difficult and painful for me

I definitely relate to knowing that it's time. Can I ask what the SI was regarding the jump? It's in my top 2 methods and I'm just curious if there's something I may encounter that I haven't thought of.

 

[hi-okbye]

i get how you feel. with so many attempts i feel similar, i don't think it's the exact same thing your feeling, but i get it. I just feel so ready to be gone, it's just not happening though. if you ever wanna talk i'm here, sending love <3

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

For a long time I've wanted to die and this is still very true. But now I also know that I have to.

Feel the same. For other reasons, but these thoughts are exactly the same.

 

[timetodie24]

I definitely relate to knowing that it's time. Can I ask what the SI was regarding the jump? It's in my top 2 methods and I'm just curious if there's something I may encounter that I haven't thought of.

Survival instinct, wasn't worried about any one thing in particular, it just goes against human instinct to jump. So that's hard to push against.

 

[lojogoeshome]

Survival instinct, wasn't worried about any one thing in particular, it just goes against human instinct to jump. So that's hard to push against.

Thank you for taking the time to answer that. I worry that I will not be able to go through with my plan and be left with no place to go. Thanks for answering

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans, I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to cease existing on our own terms, it really should be much more straightforward.

 

[NocturnILL]

For a long time I've wanted to die and this is still very true. But now I also know that I have to. I don't think anyone understands but a few weeks ago it suddenly hit me I should already be dead. I can feel it, physically feel that I'm not meant to be here. I'm out of place and shouldn't exist. I'm an error, a defect. I'm not sure how I've survived this long as I shouldn't be alive. I can feel something has gone wrong in the system or the universe. I need to correct it and exit. I really shouldn't be alive. It's like there's been a glitch and it hasn't been detected that my expiry date passed.

I feel so seen. I may not be able to understand exactly how it is in your shoes but I definitely understand how you feel. You are not alone.
I am sorry, it's the absolute worst. I hope you finally get your peace when it's time