Hybristophilia

[Mistake of Nature]

I am a hybristophile, meaning I am attracted to people who have committed violent crimes, including murder. More broadly, I am drawn to those who exhibit signs of psychopathy/sociopathy, narcissists, manipulators, or people who are aggressive in general. For example, I develop unhealthy obsessions over certain killers where I spend hours researching them and their crimes and fantasizing about our lives together. Knowing that a person has been violent (or even has violent or perverse thoughts but does not act on them) significantly increases their appeal to me.

Can anyone relate? I feel deeply embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty about this and am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I am sure it is rooted in my low self-esteem and insecurity, or perhaps I want to believe that I could "fix" a violent person or that I am special enough to be "loved" by someone who is dangerous. Maybe I am just insane or screwed up. Regardless of the reasons, I am very confused about this part of myself

 

[megafire]

I get it. I've always been attracted to violent, angry people, partly because I wanted them to take their anger on me because I felt I deserved it and partly because there's something unhinged within them that I relate to, and would be able to express it freely with them. my ex was just diagnosed with Antisocial Personalty Disorder, which I find incredibly attractive.

 

[Makko]

I don't think it's that rare. I hurt people for a living and I'm well-liked for it.

 

[Deleted member 25508]

I am a hybristophile, meaning I am attracted to people who have committed violent crimes, including murder. More broadly, I am drawn to those who exhibit signs of psychopathy/sociopathy, narcissists, manipulators, or people who are aggressive in general. For example, I develop unhealthy obsessions over certain killers where I spend hours researching them and their crimes and fantasizing about our lives together. Knowing that a person has been violent (or even has violent or perverse thoughts but does not act on them) significantly increases their appeal to me.

Can anyone relate? I feel deeply embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty about this and am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I am sure it is rooted in my low self-esteem and insecurity, or perhaps I want to believe that I could "fix" a violent person or that I am special enough to be "loved" by someone who is dangerous. Maybe I am just insane or screwed up. Regardless of the reasons, I am very confused about this part of myself

Yeah, I can relate. I don't know if I'm a "hybristophile" but I have attachment and insecurity issues and tend to like people who take advantage of me.

 

[Nightwillalwayswin]

Yeah, I can relate. I don't know if I'm a "hybristophile" but I have attachment and insecurity issues and tend to like people who take advantage of me.

Liking shit people who treat you like shit is very, very common, especially for people with low self-esteem. It's a far cry from a specific sexual attraction to rapists and killers.

 

[lost_soul83]

Please never procreate. We do not need psycho babies running around. Also merely rewarding violent psychos with sex is horrible.

Please never post again. The OP didn't post this to be berated and verbally assaulted by you or anyone else! And btw, I think you're horrible for posting this.

 

[Makko]

Please never post again. The OP didn't post this to be berated and verbally assaulted by you or anyone else!

I think that post was in reply to mine, so it's alright.

 

[lost_soul83]

I think that post was in reply to mine, so it's alright.

I don't think it's alright for this person to insult you or anyone else. I'm sorry you had that written about you, it's not okay.

 

[Nightwillalwayswin]

I think that post was in reply to mine, so it's alright.

I think it was actually to OP.

 

[Makko]

I think it was actually to OP.

Now that I look at it more closely, you're right. And that's not good. There's nothing wrong with psychos having babies.

 

[lost_soul83]

Now that I look at it more closely, you're right. And that's not good. There's nothing wrong with psychos having babies.

Most of us are psychos in one way or another.

 

[demuic]

Now that I look at it more closely, you're right. And that's not good. There's nothing wrong with psychos having babies.

Psychos as in psychopaths? They're a lot of what's wrong with this world.

I am a hybristophile, meaning I am attracted to people who have committed violent crimes, including murder. More broadly, I am drawn to those who exhibit signs of psychopathy/sociopathy, narcissists, manipulators, or people who are aggressive in general. For example, I develop unhealthy obsessions over certain killers where I spend hours researching them and their crimes and fantasizing about our lives together. Knowing that a person has been violent (or even has violent or perverse thoughts but does not act on them) significantly increases their appeal to me.

Can anyone relate? I feel deeply embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty about this and am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I am sure it is rooted in my low self-esteem and insecurity, or perhaps I want to believe that I could "fix" a violent person or that I am special enough to be "loved" by someone who is dangerous. Maybe I am just insane or screwed up. Regardless of the reasons, I am very confused about this part of myself

I hope you don't do anything dangerous. It's one thing to fantasize about killers and such, and another thing to seek out relationships with them in real life. That will not end well.

 

[Makko]

Psychos as in psychopaths? They're a lot of what's wrong with this world.

Interestingly, they're also a lot of what's most celebrated and appreciated in the world.

 

[reticen]

I was referring to anyone attracted to violent psychopaths. A large amount of anti-social behviour is carried on genetically. People in this thread sound like those horrible women who write fan letters to murderers in prison.

 

[Makko]

I was referring to anyone attracted to violent psychopaths. A large amount of anti-social behviour is carried on genetically. People in this thread sound like those horrible women who write fan letters to murderers in prison.

I sort of understand the appeal. Rather have a dangerous partner than a boring one. The world is so full of boring people that you need to look in prisons for anything else.

 

[Isitmytime]

You people scare the sh*** out of me. Don't you have any idea how much pain a psycho could inflict on others or are you enjoying it? Reading your posts, I'm starting to understand the mind process of people who hurt others for no reason and feel ok with it.

 

[Charmolypi]

I sort of understand the appeal. Rather have a dangerous partner than a boring one. The world is so full of boring people that you need to look in prisons for anything else.

Hopefully you can find interesting people who are not violent or who are not keen on damaging you and other people. I guess attraction can only be controlled to a certain degree, but hybristophilia is not likely to make your life more bearable. Quite the opposite. I feel for OP.

 

[Isitmytime]

I don't think it's that rare. I hurt people for a living and I'm well-liked for it.

...or at least that's what you think. Getting paid and being liked are two very different things. I might be wrong, but being obviously smart, you don't seem to like yourself too much.

 

[Makko]

...or at least that's what you think. Getting paid and being liked are two very different things. I might be wrong, but being obviously smart, you don't seem to like yourself too much.

Rest assured, I can tell the difference between getting paid and being liked. Also, just to avoid any misunderstandings, I'm not physically violent with anyone. Haven't laid a finger on a fly in my life. I like myself plenty but I don't like everyone else. If I could kill everyone else instead of myself I'd rather do that. Having to go with the second best option purely for practical reasons.

Hopefully you can find interesting people who are not violent or who are not keen on damaging you and other people. I guess attraction can only be controlled to a certain degree, but hybristophilia is not likely to make your life more bearable. Quite the opposite. I feel for OP.

I'm not interested in relationships but was trying to put myself in OP's shoes in my replies. In practice it would really suck to be in love with a psychopath, not mainly because of any violent tendencies, but because a psychopath lacks the emotional faculties to love you back.

 

[Isitmytime]

I appreciate your candid sincerity, Do you consider yourself to be a psychopath? Just for my curiosity, because you said in another post that you can take love but can't give any. You also said you are certainly not an agreeable person, can roleplay anything but can't be authentic and a few others but don't feel like going through previous posts again. That, combined with you saying you'd rather kill anyone else... You certainly don't have to reach a point where you hurt others to be a psychopath and also can intelectually put yourself in other's shoes, but have no real empathy. And by the way, you don't have to physically hurt somebody to cause harm - something a psychopath would have a hard time grasping. I don't really care, I've seen some like you, but I just felt like calling you out on this.
P.S. And btw, in your line of work, you don't really hurt others, they hurt each other, you are just the tool... just my opinion

Can anyone relate? I feel deeply embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty about this and am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I am sure it is rooted in my low self-esteem and insecurity, or perhaps I want to believe that I could "fix" a violent person or that I am special enough to be "loved" by someone who is dangerous. Maybe I am just insane or screwed up. Regardless of the reasons, I am very confused about this part of myself

I can't say I relate, but I think you might have something in common with people attracted to abusive partners after suffering abuse in childhood. You don't necessarily have to remember that abuse. Just try to dig deeper to find the cause and it might help you get rid of this attraction. It is not healthy for you, but don't be ashamed. If something happened to make you feel screwed up (and I believe it did, with the low self esteem), it's not your fault. Keep away from people like that, even if they are not violent. They will screw you up even more and enjoy it. I know them. It's not your responsibility to fix them, especially because they generally think there is nothing wrong with them.

 

[Gerard de Nerval]

Though I've been fascinated by pariahs of all forms, whether criminals or the physically or mentally ill. I've never been attracted to them however I have played out scenarios of obliteration, such as succumbing to some of the things Dahmer has done. Feels like more close to a martyrdom than anything.

Is there a name for the opposite though? I've mostly had relationships with highly empathetic albeit emotionally unstable people. I've always been pretty stable and reasonable which makes it easy for me to calm and empathize. Also there is a satisfaction when they become independent and stable over time. I think it's a compulsion to repeat or even a sort way of making amends for an earlier relationship.

 

[Disappointered]

I don't think it's that rare. I hurt people for a living and I'm well-liked for it.

What job do you do that involves hurting people for a living?

 

[Makko]

What job do you do that involves hurting people for a living?

Thowing them out of their homes mostly. Property development stuff.

 

[Mistake of Nature]

I've always been attracted to violent, angry people, partly because I wanted them to take their anger on me because I felt I deserved it and partly because there's something unhinged within them that I relate to, and would be able to express it freely with them.

Thank you, this helped me to make sense of my own feelings. I think my frustration at my inability to hurt myself the way I want to might be leading me to seek out people who can/will inflict the pain that I believe I deserve, and though I am not a violent person, I am very repressed, so the idea of being able to unleash all that is inside oneself or being unhinged is attractive to me.

I hope you don't do anything dangerous. It's one thing to fantasize about killers and such, and another thing to seek out relationships with them in real life. That will not end well.

I feel compelled to write to some of them, but know it is a recipe for disaster as I am easily manipulated and thus a perfect target for them. I am terrified of being rejected anyway, so I will likely never act on my desires.

Don't you have any idea how much pain a psycho could inflict on others or are you enjoying it?

These people of course cause immense suffering to victims, and I empathize with those they have hurt, hence the guilt and confusion over my conflicting feelings and thoughts.

Is there a name for the opposite though? I've mostly had relationships with highly empathetic albeit emotionally unstable people. I've always been pretty stable and reasonable which makes it easy for me to calm and empathize. Also there is a satisfaction when they become independent and stable over time. I think it's a compulsion to repeat or even a sort way of making amends for an earlier relationship.

Maybe the attraction (whether to empathetic but emotionally troubled people or violent criminals) has something to do with wanting to nurture, care for, or change the other person for the better.

 

[Isitmytime]

These people of course cause immense suffering to victims, and I empathize with those they have hurt, hence the guilt and confusion over my conflicting feelings and thoughts.

You should know my post was not directed to you, but to some other posts apparently normalizing psycho behavior.

Thowing them out of their homes mostly. Property development

Hey, I was just thinking maybe you've just seen too much trash and not enough nice people. There are some, you know... even though I myself have had trouble finding them. There is something about you that tells me you might just cover up some wounds. I could get that, too. I've done it. I was a bit like you, until things started falling apart and I started seeing beyond my immediate reality. I can also appreciate a cold logical mind, even though it's a bit over the line at times. Or is it just my savior complex? I'm just rambling, I have to stop.

 

[megafire]

its a low self-esteem thing anyway you look at it. you don't think of yourself as enough so you want someone who can affirm that for you; or you think you can "change" them (spoiler alert: you can't) with your love, so you try to reform them only to be disappointed- so you try harder, thinking it's you, not them, and it goes on.

it is one thing to actively seek out someone who is violent, filtering through the crowd to find them, it's another to stumble upon them and not want to let them go. in a way, it's like you and the person can relate, you're both fucked in the head. that's how I feel about my ex, who is ASPD. He likes to hurt people and I like to be hurt- which is where BDSM can come in and make for a lot of fun. as long as it stays closed-circuit and affects no-one else, there's really no harm in it. except to you ofc lol.

 

[Makko]

Hey, I was just thinking maybe you've just seen too much trash and not enough nice people. There are some, you know... even though I myself have had trouble finding them. There is something about you that tells me you might just cover up some wounds. I could get that, too. I've done it. I was a bit like you, until things started falling apart and I started seeing beyond my immediate reality. I can also appreciate a cold logical mind, even though it's a bit over the line at times. Or is it just my savior complex? I'm just rambling, I have to stop.

I regularly meet lots of new people from all walks of life. Many of them are plenty nice. All of them make boring and uncomfortable company outside of professional context. They can be fun to work with or against, but I'd never invite any of them home. Not sure what wounds I could have and what gave that impression. I was never treated poorly by anyone that mattered in my life (first parents and later bosses).

 

[Isitmytime]

I regularly meet lots of new people from all walks of life. Many of them are plenty nice. All of them make boring and uncomfortable company outside of professional context. They can be fun to work with or against, but I'd never invite any of them home. Not sure what wounds I could have and what gave that impression. I was never treated poorly by anyone that mattered in my life (first parents and later bosses).

Sorry, my bad. You said something about cutting ties with your parents, so I wrongly assumed something happened. Maybe you didn't even cut ties, just left?... General lack of emotion I guess, and the fact that you have to deal with that specific line of work (i've seen some people's houses that made me sick in my stomach and wondered if they were even human). I just intuitively felt that maybe repressing emotion might be caused by lack of affection or some other stuff. I am not a therapist, I was not trying to label anything. It's quite interesting for me to know what may cause a lack of emotion and I was thinking maybe this is what you feel it's missing? I am sure you will laugh at this, but love can actually be very fulfilling, although risky. You have to risk a bit of pain, but also need to find the right person and that is not easy. Another problem is, love is hard to define and I am not going to even try it here :)

 

[262653]

I am a hybristophile, meaning I am attracted to people who have committed violent crimes, including murder. More broadly, I am drawn to those who exhibit signs of psychopathy/sociopathy, narcissists, manipulators, or people who are aggressive in general. For example, I develop unhealthy obsessions over certain killers where I spend hours researching them and their crimes and fantasizing about our lives together. Knowing that a person has been violent (or even has violent or perverse thoughts but does not act on them) significantly increases their appeal to me.

Can anyone relate? I feel deeply embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty about this and am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I am sure it is rooted in my low self-esteem and insecurity, or perhaps I want to believe that I could "fix" a violent person or that I am special enough to be "loved" by someone who is dangerous. Maybe I am just insane or screwed up. Regardless of the reasons, I am very confused about this part of myself

I can relate, with somewhat less intensity in fantasy and research spheres. I also don't feel embarrassed about it or anything of a sort.

If the person is willing and able to kill, rob, maim, manipulate, or in any other way take advantage of other people without dying, then such person is good at living. Predator is a perfect term to describe this set of people: those who (successfully) prey on and exploit others. It is beneficial to be on good terms with people who are likely to come out as the winner in conflicting situations, and maybe from evolutionary perspective, to mate with them.

The downside, as some have pointed out already, is the possibility of such people turning on you, but it is likely, for various reasons, that I won't have any part in relationships as close as living together or making babies or whatever, so I don't really bother about it.