Venting Hurt

[bluexapalooza]

Yesterday my therapist told my that everyone else is trying and I need to try too and then asked if I know what perseverance means. I can't accurately describe how much that hurt. I have trying for over a year now to get better. I've had plans to kill myself with an exact date 4 fucking times this year but have decided to keep trying the options made available. It's good to know that my own fucking therapist just thinks I've given up. I want to prove her right and hang myself tonight but I'm supposed to start ketamine infusions next week and that's my last ditch effort to fix my head. If it doesn't work out, I guess I'll prove her right then and show her that it really was just me being difficult.

 

[F@#$]

What's a ketamine infusion? Like the same shit that puts you in a " K hole"? Like the hippies and juggalos got.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

Yesterday my therapist told my that everyone else is trying and I need to try too and then asked if I know what perseverance means. I can't accurately describe how much that hurt. I have trying for over a year now to get better. I've had plans to kill myself with an exact date 4 fucking times this year but have decided to keep trying the options made available. It's good to know that my own fucking therapist just thinks I've given up. I want to prove her right and hang myself tonight but I'm supposed to start ketamine infusions next week and that's my last ditch effort to fix my head. If it doesn't work out, I guess I'll prove her right then and show her that it really was just me being difficult.

Don't take it personally. Therapists are trained to say that. One of the reasons therapy never helped me. I didn't like the cliche replies. Even friends do it. Snap out of it or cherish the memories. Yeah that helps. I always want to say "Wow, what a novel answer! I wish I'd thought of that! Snap out of it done!" and then roll my eyes. But instead I fake smile and think uh huh. But don't CTB just to prove her right. She's not worth that. Just remember she gets paid to spew the cliches. You're better than that.

 

[NeverReallyHere]

You should ask you therapist why you should try if she can't be bothered to try to be better at her job.

 

[bluexapalooza]

What's a ketamine infusion? Like the same shit that puts you in a " K hole"? Like the hippies and juggalos got.

Same drug, but in a controlled setting. There's a lot of research that suggests small and controlled infusions over a 5-8 week period can significantly help refractory depression

 

[F@#$]

Oh,like dmt and shrooms and whatever,who'da thought?

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

Same drug, but in a controlled setting. There's a lot of research that suggests small and controlled infusions over a 5-8 week period can significantly help refractory depression

I'm so curious to know if that really helps.

 

[bluexapalooza]

I'll update probably once I get through the first week. It's supposed to have effects relatively quickly. Knowing my luck though it's probably not going to do much. I've pretty much decided that if this fails, that's a sign I'm not meant to stick it out