How

[4hrs50min]

I want recovery, but my brain is sabotaging each day and as soon as I put the phone down (It gives me a tiny bit dopamine) I pretty much can't function and can't get bad thoughts out of my head. A lot of thoughts about how things used to be..

Walked 20km today, smoked,4 cigarettes on the way but ofc that just make it worse. Slept around 4hrs tonight, could not sleep more, woke up anxious again, now I'm anxious in the sofa. I have a theory that if I do that walk each day and go to the gym, after a while positive things can happen.I know there is no quick fix. Before my psychosis weed made me content, now sober and absolutely hating each second of existing, remembering life before all the shit. How can one fix this.. Read some threads about wether members here saw recovery as a possibility but many replied no, I put in "I don't know" and that's what it is.

Feeling tired rn but should stay active so I can sleep tonight, I just want to scroll here.

I want the long term solution but can't put myself through the work, it's just going in one (wrong) direction. Read that once the issues have become major enough, being here and being in such a bad state makes it so it feels like it will never be better. Got blury vision and tiredness rn, probably will have a smoke, gym really short time, shower.. but there's no escape from my head I don't understand how one can live with these kind of issues, but I don't understand how people overcome SI, and I just want to understand how. How does one fix this,

 

[jodes2]

What happens when you smoke weed?

 

[4hrs50min]

Since the first time I did it extreme paranoia, I've always dosed way to much, can't control it. It's insane I kept doing it to curve anxiety but it gave me more. 4 years after smoking sometime per week leading up to everyday I got my first psychosis, 3 years after, my second and then two years after that, my third. I can't believe I couldn't quit. Each time I start acting manic slowly, then hearing shit, then smoke to relieve anxiety and finally losing my grip on reality completely....

Feels like the 2 first psychosis I had a chance but now I've made no progress and half a year past since last psychosis

I've read up on post-psycotic depression, feels like what I have and also as I mention I feel it's not getting better, I have no idea what to do

 

[sickofbeinghere]

it sounds like youre taking good steps to manage ur mental health! u shld be proud of yourself

 

[4hrs50min]

it sounds like youre taking good steps to manage ur mental health! u shld be proud of yourself

I'm "trying,". I'm going crazy in this situation i am/, have been in this summer though

There is so much I want undone
I don't want to be awake and feel all this anxiety,.... Pleading for the impossible

 

[dandan]

I want recovery, but my brain is sabotaging each day and as soon as I put the phone down (It gives me a tiny bit dopamine) I pretty much can't function and can't get bad thoughts out of my head. A lot of thoughts about how things used to be..

Walked 20km today, smoked,4 cigarettes on the way but ofc that just make it worse. Slept around 4hrs tonight, could not sleep more, woke up anxious again, now I'm anxious in the sofa. I have a theory that if I do that walk each day and go to the gym, after a while positive things can happen.I know there is no quick fix. Before my psychosis weed made me content, now sober and absolutely hating each second of existing, remembering life before all the shit. How can one fix this.. Read some threads about wether members here saw recovery as a possibility but many replied no, I put in "I don't know" and that's what it is.

Feeling tired rn but should stay active so I can sleep tonight, I just want to scroll here.

I want the long term solution but can't put myself through the work, it's just going in one (wrong) direction. Read that once the issues have become major enough, being here and being in such a bad state makes it so it feels like it will never be better. Got blury vision and tiredness rn, probably will have a smoke, gym really short time, shower.. but there's no escape from my head I don't understand how one can live with these kind of issues, but I don't understand how people overcome SI, and I just want to understand how. How does one fix this,

My guess is you surely have tried medications correct?


But.... have you tried testosterone? have you gotten yourself a testosterone level exam? In mexico is called "Testosterona Total" exam, it reads your testosterone levels in blood.
its a 1 day exam in Mexico. After almost 20 years with psychiatrists, I found a guy here who told me this, I got the exam the very next day, and also a doctor visit the very next day
and also my very first shot
works better than any antidepressant I know
yes there could be consequences, but I rather not be feeling like tired and wishing to end it all....

my suggestion, get a checkup

 

[4hrs50min]

My guess is you surely have tried medications correct?


But.... have you tried testosterone? have you gotten yourself a testosterone level exam? In mexico is called "Testosterona Total" exam, it reads your testosterone levels in blood.
its a 1 day exam in Mexico. After almost 20 years with psychiatrists, I found a guy here who told me this, I got the exam the very next day, and also a doctor visit the very next day
and also my very first shot
works better than any antidepressant I know
yes there could be consequences, but I rather not be feeling like tired and wishing to end it all....

my suggestion, get a checkup

I'm on an antidepressant now and I've been on all the wrong kind of medications.. I think my testosterone always have been high, like my sex-drive has always been through the roof.

Met my therapist today and he told me to put away my phone and meet my thoughts, which I have a hard time doing for more than 3 minutes. (Hitting things, panic feeling)

Tonight I will ask my sibling to take away my phone and I will meet my thoughts, he suggested until Friday. Im afraid I will go crazy but im ready to try

If I don't log on here again tomorrow he was right, or if I log on and although it helped I will report here..and also if nothing changed I will be back here ofc 24/7 on this forum as I've done past weeks..

Wish me luck

 

[dandan]

I'm on an antidepressant now and I've been on all the wrong kind of medications.. I think my testosterone always have been high, like my sex-drive has always been through the roof.

Met my therapist today and he told me to put away my phone and meet my thoughts, which I have a hard time doing for more than 3 minutes. (Hitting things, panic feeling)

Tonight I will ask my sibling to take away my phone and I will meet my thoughts, he suggested until Friday. Im afraid I will go crazy but im ready to try

If I don't log on here again tomorrow he was right, or if I log on and although it helped I will report here..and also if nothing changed I will be back here ofc 24/7 on this forum as I've done past weeks..

Wish me luck

Wishing you luck, and if unlucky get a testosterone checkup regardless of your steel hard sex drive , cause it could be a thing

 

[Suicidebydeath]

it sounds like youre taking good steps to manage ur mental health! u shld be proud of yourself

Thinking of you :(. I hope that if you're not with us anymore you're in your version of heaven. Thank you for the last message you sent me.