DK5
Member
- Jan 4, 2026
- 5
Hello.
So last years/months are bad and it is only getting worse. That is my first post on this forum. Last 2/3 days were even worse. I made a lot of bad decisions in last days. I'm thinking about ending this life since few years. I feel ashamed I haven't done it yet. I wanted to finally do it before February/March, but I'm really scared of failing and worst scenario that I will become a vegetable after an failed attempt.
I thought about 3 methods, but I'm not sure which is the best, most reliable, least painful and fastest.
(I don't know if I have to write this, but don't follow these methods. This is not a guide.)
1. Train
To be honest, I feel like this is most realistic method for me, but I have doubts about its reliability. I don't want to get hit by train and then slowly bleed out, so someone can "rescue me". I thought about it and I found a good spot. Not too close to any stations, but more like in a forest/village. If I will do it, I will do it at night.
From my observations, most common train (attached picture) will hit me with a coupler (or whatever it is called, that part on the front) with speed around 70-80 kmph with weight around 120 tons. I don't want to look at the train, so I will probably be turned back to it (unless it will reduce chance to die), so it will hit me at back on the height of my chestplate. My plan is to jump under the train in place like forest/village, so it is at least 1km away (or more) from a small station. I want to run as fast as possible and stay on the middle of the track until it won't hit me. If there will be a possibility, I can hide behind a rail sign. I'm pretty sure it could work, but want to hear if it is really a good method.
Additional thing is how ethical it is. I know it is not the best idea to jump under the passager train. At least I want to do it at night, away from stations. I think train is pretty empty at that time. Alternatively I can wait for cargo train, but it is less predictable when it comes.
2. Hanging
So, around 2 years ago I bought a jute rope that is around 16mm in diameter (similar to the attached picture). I don't even know where I can hang myself. I thought about tree in forest (at night), but it is VERY HARD to find a tree for this. Hanging myself in home is not an option.
My plan is to tie rope as tight as possible to tree branch. Other side of rope will have know where I will put my head - which knot should be usued? I heard a slipknot will be good for it, but which one? I saw 2 different knots (attached image). I will stand on my bike and after putting a head in the loop, I will kick that bike and be hanging on the rope. I think it is called full suspension - I won't touch a ground or anything, just hanging on the rope.
I'm scared of this and pain. I think I won't pass out very fast.
3. Sodium Nitrite
First I learned about this method from this forum. It sounds like the best method available.
I can buy like 500g of sodium nitrite for 4 - 14 USD. To be honest I don't know a difference between one that costs 4 USD and 14 USD. Is it more worth to buy that more expensive?
I probably won't have a problem with buying soduim nitrite but I see a big problem with other medicines. I can only get a ibuprofen/paracetamol. I have no acces to antiemetics or any other important medicines. Only painkillers. I can't just go to the doctor and play symptoms so they will give me a prescription to these meds. I'm scared of it, I don't want this. Additionaly all of these instructions here gives me head ache. I feel like I'm too stupid for this, I don't want to fail anything.
Is it possible to do it with only sodium nitrite and ibuprofen/paracetamol?
I really want to do it fast and don't wait anymore. Last time I wanted to hang myself like 8-9 months ago, but I gave up. I'm a coward. After this I keep thinking about jumping under the train. This seems like the easiest method for me, but I don't know what is chance to survive that impact. I know it is much text and many questions, but I'm paranoid. I think that's all.
What method will be the best? What do you think? What should I change?
How can I overcome my fear for death and do it?
So last years/months are bad and it is only getting worse. That is my first post on this forum. Last 2/3 days were even worse. I made a lot of bad decisions in last days. I'm thinking about ending this life since few years. I feel ashamed I haven't done it yet. I wanted to finally do it before February/March, but I'm really scared of failing and worst scenario that I will become a vegetable after an failed attempt.
I thought about 3 methods, but I'm not sure which is the best, most reliable, least painful and fastest.
(I don't know if I have to write this, but don't follow these methods. This is not a guide.)
1. Train
To be honest, I feel like this is most realistic method for me, but I have doubts about its reliability. I don't want to get hit by train and then slowly bleed out, so someone can "rescue me". I thought about it and I found a good spot. Not too close to any stations, but more like in a forest/village. If I will do it, I will do it at night.
From my observations, most common train (attached picture) will hit me with a coupler (or whatever it is called, that part on the front) with speed around 70-80 kmph with weight around 120 tons. I don't want to look at the train, so I will probably be turned back to it (unless it will reduce chance to die), so it will hit me at back on the height of my chestplate. My plan is to jump under the train in place like forest/village, so it is at least 1km away (or more) from a small station. I want to run as fast as possible and stay on the middle of the track until it won't hit me. If there will be a possibility, I can hide behind a rail sign. I'm pretty sure it could work, but want to hear if it is really a good method.
Additional thing is how ethical it is. I know it is not the best idea to jump under the passager train. At least I want to do it at night, away from stations. I think train is pretty empty at that time. Alternatively I can wait for cargo train, but it is less predictable when it comes.
2. Hanging
So, around 2 years ago I bought a jute rope that is around 16mm in diameter (similar to the attached picture). I don't even know where I can hang myself. I thought about tree in forest (at night), but it is VERY HARD to find a tree for this. Hanging myself in home is not an option.
My plan is to tie rope as tight as possible to tree branch. Other side of rope will have know where I will put my head - which knot should be usued? I heard a slipknot will be good for it, but which one? I saw 2 different knots (attached image). I will stand on my bike and after putting a head in the loop, I will kick that bike and be hanging on the rope. I think it is called full suspension - I won't touch a ground or anything, just hanging on the rope.
I'm scared of this and pain. I think I won't pass out very fast.
3. Sodium Nitrite
First I learned about this method from this forum. It sounds like the best method available.
I can buy like 500g of sodium nitrite for 4 - 14 USD. To be honest I don't know a difference between one that costs 4 USD and 14 USD. Is it more worth to buy that more expensive?
I probably won't have a problem with buying soduim nitrite but I see a big problem with other medicines. I can only get a ibuprofen/paracetamol. I have no acces to antiemetics or any other important medicines. Only painkillers. I can't just go to the doctor and play symptoms so they will give me a prescription to these meds. I'm scared of it, I don't want this. Additionaly all of these instructions here gives me head ache. I feel like I'm too stupid for this, I don't want to fail anything.
Is it possible to do it with only sodium nitrite and ibuprofen/paracetamol?
I really want to do it fast and don't wait anymore. Last time I wanted to hang myself like 8-9 months ago, but I gave up. I'm a coward. After this I keep thinking about jumping under the train. This seems like the easiest method for me, but I don't know what is chance to survive that impact. I know it is much text and many questions, but I'm paranoid. I think that's all.
What method will be the best? What do you think? What should I change?
How can I overcome my fear for death and do it?
