How would your parents have reacted if you were part of the LGBTQI+ community?

[noname223]

I had this thought often in mind but was not sure whether to post about it. I was scared to start an argument or was not sure if another sub-forum would be the better place.
But there was recently something which strengthened my wish to write about it.

So I recently met a transwoman. I have to say she was pretty attractive. I think it was the first time I imagined to start a relationship with a transwoman. I think this all is highly speculative. I will probably never find a partner, my mind seems to be too fragile and I gets triggered when I come close to women. So I am cursed in some sense. She looked very feminine and as I said quite good. She must have had some surgeries. Moreover she seems to be pretty smart which I consider as very attractive. It is very unlikely I will ever have any deeper conversation with her. But my first impression of her started some thoughts in my head. (Maybe I should explain why I think she is trans. She had kind of a deep voice and her face looked in some way masculine. Though of course I don't have full knowledge.)

Personally I find severe obesity quite unnattractive. For me this severe obesity might be more of an obstacle than the fact the other person is a transwoman.
I don't know maybe I have not thought enough about it though. But I recognize there is a shift in my thinking about this. Maybe such a stance can change in many people if one finds the right person. Maybe if I found someone special also severe obesity would be no problem anymore. I don't know.


Though now closer to the title question. When I was young I was kind of scared not to be straight. I come from a conservative family and this would have caused many problems. And as kids we often joked about gay people for example. Kids can be so fucking cruel if one does not fulfil the usual role.
Though I think I am quite sure I am neither gay nor bisexual. I have to say I find the bodies of men often kind of gross.
Moreover I identify fully with being male.

Personally I don't think I will ever find a partner. Though if I found someone who is part of some minority groups I would feel ashamed about my family. My dad is such a fucking moron. For example if the woman was black he would leave disgusting comments. I am sure about that. I feel ashamed that such ignorant people are part of my family. Honestly I would not know how to handle that. Maybe distancing myself from my own father? But I am dependent on his money. Gladly I will die alone and fully unhappy so I will never be seriously confronted with such a question.

At least my dad would have never accepted me being not a straight male. Though I think it had not a huge influence on my sexuality. I feel very sad for people with intolerant familes who don't identify with being heterosexual or their biological sex. Many people have an higher suicide rate anyway and under such difficult circumstances it must be pretty hard.

 

[MidnightDream]

Trans women are women. If you were to date one, you would still be straight, because they're a woman. Your boundaries or preferences regarding preop/postop however are yours to have, there are many straight men who would date a pre-op trans woman, and many who wouldn't. That's up to you. Either way, you would still be straight.

To answer your question, I'm LGBT and my family were very much like yours, but they had to deal with it. I'm grateful their approach was to pretend it didn't exist, rather than to antagonise me for it. Now, my father and I bond over our mutual love of women, and I married a man, so I guess it all worked out.

And in terms of my perspective, I would date whoever, and I wouldn't take into consideration any prejudices my parents or family might have. I'm not a prejudiced person, and I certainly wouldn't want to pass those attitudes onto the next generation, so I would behave within my morals as my parents would within theirs. Simple.

 

[dtjb]

My mom passed when I was young, so we never got to really have that conversation. But I remember when I was in 2nd grade and I told her I had a crush on the (female) librarian. She just said, "No, girls don't like other girls like that." And I remember thinking, "Um, but I do." We never spoke about it again and she died some years after that. I said all that to say, she wouldn't have approved at all.

My dad doesn't know, but he is very Christian and would not approve either.

The only person in my family who knows is my younger brother. He's like my best friend and we actually like the same kind of women lol. He's the only one in my family who actually knows me.

I found your story of the trans woman nice. If she was hot, she was hot imo. All that other stuff doesn't really matter.

 

[Hirokami]

When people think bi, they think tons of group sex and that we can't commit to fidelity; that's what my parents thought of me when I first came out, especially my mom. Suddenly, I was warned of the risks of STDs. They were a bit disgusted at first, though they came around. If I'm being honest, though, I think they'd would've rather me be gay; at least I would have "chosen a side" so to speak. And as far as your story with the trans woman, it sounds like you got along with her rather well. I think that's what matters the most.

 

[Dead Ghost]

Phew! I don't belong to the LGTBITQ community, but considering that I never dared to tell my father that I have ASD or that I apostatized in 2005, I can already imagine.. the truth is that at 44 years old I don't care anymore my family's opinion.
//
Buf! no pertanyo a la comunitat LGTBITQ, però tenint en compte que mai m'he atrevit a dir al meu pare que tinc TEA o que vaig apostatar el 2005, ja m'imagino.. la veritat es que amb 44 anys poc m'importa ja l'opinió de la meva família.

 

[makethepainstop]

I had this thought often in mind but was not sure whether to post about it. I was scared to start an argument or was not sure if another sub-forum would be the better place.
But there was recently something which strengthened my wish to write about it.

So I recently met a transwoman. I have to say she was pretty attractive. I think it was the first time I imagined to start a relationship with a transwoman. I think this all is highly speculative. I will probably never find a partner, my mind seems to be too fragile and I gets triggered when I come close to women. So I am cursed in some sense. She looked very feminine and as I said quite good. She must have had some surgeries. Moreover she seems to be pretty smart which I consider as very attractive. It is very unlikely I will ever have any deeper conversation with her. But my first impression of her started some thoughts in my head. (Maybe I should explain why I think she is trans. She had kind of a deep voice and her face looked in some way masculine. Though of course I don't have full knowledge.)

Personally I find severe obesity quite unnattractive. For me this severe obesity might be more of an obstacle than the fact the other person is a transwoman.
I don't know maybe I have not thought enough about it though. But I recognize there is a shift in my thinking about this. Maybe such a stance can change in many people if one finds the right person. Maybe if I found someone special also severe obesity would be no problem anymore. I don't know.


Though now closer to the title question. When I was young I was kind of scared not to be straight. I come from a conservative family and this would have caused many problems. And as kids we often joked about gay people for example. Kids can be so fucking cruel if one does not fulfil the usual role.
Though I think I am quite sure I am neither gay nor bisexual. I have to say I find the bodies of men often kind of gross.
Moreover I identify fully with being male.

Personally I don't think I will ever find a partner. Though if I found someone who is part of some minority groups I would feel ashamed about my family. My dad is such a fucking moron. For example if the woman was black he would leave disgusting comments. I am sure about that. I feel ashamed that such ignorant people are part of my family. Honestly I would not know how to handle that. Maybe distancing myself from my own father? But I am dependent on his money. Gladly I will die alone and fully unhappy so I will never be seriously confronted with such a question.

At least my dad would have never accepted me being not a straight male. Though I think it had not a huge influence on my sexuality. I feel very sad for people with intolerant familes who don't identify with being heterosexual or their biological sex. Many people have an higher suicide rate anyway and under such difficult circumstances it must be pretty hard

When my mom was old and has lung cancer, I started doing all the shipping cooking.... So one day being paranoid that I was interfering, I asked my mom, "Are you ok with me doing the all the shopping and cooking? I am not trying to mess with your independence!" Mom says to me, "That was the second stupidest you have ever asked me!" Being a bit of a smart ass,(probably inherited the gene from her), I asked so what was the first most stupid question I ever asked you? Mom's answer, "When you asked me if I still loved you, when you told me your gay!" Please believe me mom and her family were all south Georgia red neck Christian types. As a kid I remember all those jokes and insults the family made about gays. That crap stopped when I came out, I'm not the kind you'd ever suspect of being gay
Good old mom! So some parents love you no matter what.

 

[CowsAreCool]

If I was gay they wouldn't care. They'd poke fun probably. Bi they'd tell me to choose lol.

Trans they'd try to get me therapy. They wouldn't support a transition st all. But they wouldn't disown me for it. I don't have a problem with that.

IA+WXHIGBPH$& - I'm not caught up on all the new letters, but I can confidently say they wouldn't be pleased

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

When my grandfather was dying, my grandmother begged me to make sure he didn't find out I liked women before he passed. She also said to make sure my bio siblings never found out, because I was a bad influence, and it was wrong. My grandmother made me cry several times as a child because she was ashamed of me and thought it was disgusting that I preferred women. Where I grew up is an incredibly religious place, and this dogma is heavily ingrained in the culture.

My other grandparents loathed the fact that I was bisexual, and I would often get told I was going to burn in hell, if my father were still alive he would despise me because I am a faggot and he "hated faggots." I even had a video game taken away from me for awhile, because one of the protagonists on the cover was an effiminate man whom she mistook for a girl. My dad's mother thought there must be lesbians in the game and banished me from having it immediately. This only solidified my preference for pretty boys as I am turned off by masculinity.

My dad's sister would take photos of me wearing androgynous stuff and would go to her friends saying, "look, isn't this so fucking weird, that she likes to dress like a man?" I would get whispers at school asking if this other person is gay too like me, are we "dykes"?

My life in school was hellish because I was forcibly outed quite early on in life. I had to be confined in a bathroom stall to change into gym clothes because all the other girls said they didn't want a queer near them and lesbians shouldn't be allowed in the changing room. Quite a few of these people now pretend to be fake woke allies, when they spent their whole lives shitting on LGBT people. It wasn't uncommon to be called slurs at my school or have people threaten you if you were LGBT.

Even as an adult, I've only dated men, because I think my grandmother might disown me if I were to date a woman. The place I live now is a hell of a lot more supportive of LGBT people, but I don't think people here truly understand how good they have it, and so there is a lot of fighting about microproblems and drama in the local lgbt community. We are very lucky to be in a position now where many people here in the west won't have to grow up in an environment like I did.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

When my grandfather was dying, my grandmother begged me to make sure he didn't find out I liked women before he passed. She also said to make sure my bio siblings never found out, because I was a bad influence, and it was wrong. My grandmother made me cry several times as a child because she was ashamed of me and thought it was disgusting that I preferred women. Where I grew up is an incredibly religious place, and this dogma is heavily ingrained in the culture.

My other grandparents loathed the fact that I was bisexual, and I would often get told I was going to burn in hell, if my father were still alive he would despise me because I am a faggot and he "hated faggots." I even had a video game taken away from me for awhile, because one of the protagonists on the cover was an effiminate man whom she mistook for a girl. My dad's mother thought there must be lesbians in the game and banished me from having it immediately. This only solidified my preference for pretty boys as I am turned off by masculinity.

My dad's sister would take photos of me wearing androgynous stuff and would go to her friends saying, "look, isn't this so fucking weird, that she likes to dress like a man?" I would get whispers at school asking if this other person is gay too like me, are we "dykes"?

My life in school was hellish because I was forcibly outed quite early on in life. I had to be confined in a bathroom stall to change into gym clothes because all the other girls said they didn't want a queer near them and lesbians shouldn't be allowed in the changing room. Quite a few of these people now pretend to be fake woke allies, when they spent their whole lives shitting on LGBT people. It wasn't uncommon to be called slurs at my school or have people threaten you if you were LGBT.

Even as an adult, I've only dated men, because I think my grandmother might disown me if I were to date a woman. The place I live now is a hell of a lot more supportive of LGBT people, but I don't think people here truly understand how good they have it, and so there is a lot of fighting about microproblems and drama in the local lgbt community. We are very lucky to be in a position now where many people here in the west won't have to grow up in an environment like I did.

That is fucking horrific. I genuinely can't believe much of the stuff you were subjected to. And to this day be forced to hide important aspects of yourself for fear of being disowned is just beyond awful.

If God cares about what we get up to in the bedroom then he's a hopeless pervert and has no business being God.

I remember skimming the bible when I was a kid. Once I got to the "I am a jealous God" bit I was like "ok, if you're this petty you're probably not God." Needless to say, I was a genius kid.

 

[achromatic]

I'm a bisexual girl who prefers girls -
from a country where same sex marriage and civil partnership are still illegal and I unfortunately don't expect it to change soon.
Being raised catholic, although not in a very ortodox family made it difficult for me to accept my sexuality at first - when I was 11 I started having intense intrusive thoughts relating to sin/hell and shame for being attracted to girls. Looking back the whole concept of sinning with thought reminds me of Orwellian thoughtcrime and it's rather funny that it affected me so much. I become atheist agnostic soon after - I finally grew some critical thinking skills. Needless to say I cannot imagine how much worse would I be bullied if I ever admited it to my peers - being neurodivergent, creepy, weirdo - who never shuts up in class, but has no social skills, already made my early school life hell. My bisexuality is easly ignored by my family because I'm single, but my mother is confused-supportive. Others are not homophobic per se but my father and older sister will insist on me being confused and "HoW coUld yOu posSibly KnoW iF yoU neveR tried"
I can't imagine ever coming out to my very religious grandmother even though I have pretty good relationship with her -but she is getting more and more rigid in her wordview as her cognitive functions slowly decline with age. I would be afraid of it staining our bond permanently - and it leaving bitter aftertaste in my mouth - after all we don't have much time left since I'm suicidal and she is over 80.

 

[makethepainstop]

That is fucking horrific. I genuinely can't believe much of the stuff you were subjected to. And to this day be forced to hide important aspects of yourself for fear of being disowned is just beyond awful.

If God cares about what we get up to in the bedroom then he's a hopeless pervert and has no business being God.

I remember skimming the bible when I was a kid. Once I got to the "I am a jealous God" bit I was like "ok, if you're this petty you're probably not God." Needless to say, I was a genius kid.

Yep, you were a very smart kid. When the buy bull was written people back then might consume bad water, tainted meats, or poisonous plants and hallucinate. Remember those bronze age people were uneducated, tribal, violent and incredibly superstitious. There are something like 14,000 God's mentioned in histories around the world. So who has the correct one? The Egyptians believed in their God's, the Romans had their God's, the Greeks had their God's, the Vikings,the Celts, Native Americans, Myans, Inca's, Hindus, Brahmans, .....and all of them believed devoutly in their God's. Christians are very unlike Christ. Some of the things those religious nutcases think about GLBT people are laughably absurd. God cannot make an error, therefore by Christian logic everyone is here at God's command. Thus GLBT people are not possessed or crazy....I have no doubts that if these pious jackasses could they would be burning us at the stake, or putting us in jail. All with a smile on their lips while singing mighty choruses of bringing in the sheaves. Back when the buy bull was written, cities and nations needed as many people as possible to make wars, so anyone who was not reproducing, wasn't helping produce more soldier's. I'm not a big fan of religious maniacs, they have historically enslaved, tortured, killed and made war in the name of God or Jesus. Those idiots think gay guys lisp, swish, dress like ladies.....the idiots are shocked when guys like me come out! Their own stereo types blind them to all of the normal GLBT types like me. Love shocking the idiots. Ok class rant over.

 

[Celerity]

My mom knows and is accepting. My dad would have a bitch fit and would hassle me about it for months until he finally gave up, which is what he did when he learned I am an atheist. I'm pretty sure my extended family and my brother have put the pieces together. I have endured scrutiny and rude comments for years now because I have never brought a man home, and almost all my cousins are married with kids. Even if I were completely straight, I would likely not have brought one home either, but they really don't get that as conservative southerners. I am the black sheep.

 

[chronicrexie]

my parents know i'm a lesbian and are very supportive. my whole family are atheists so no religious concerns or anything. i consider myself pretty lucky. my parents are also quite young (gen x) if that has anything to do with it.

 

[noname223]

So I recently met a transwoman. I have to say she was pretty attractive. I think it was the first time I imagined to start a relationship with a transwoman. I think this all is highly speculative. I will probably never find a partner, my mind seems to be too fragile and I gets triggered when I come close to women. So I am cursed in some sense. She looked very feminine and as I said quite good. She must have had some surgeries. Moreover she seems to be pretty smart which I consider as very attractive. It is very unlikely I will ever have any deeper conversation with her. But my first impression of her started some thoughts in my head. (Maybe I should explain why I think she is trans. She had kind of a deep voice and her face looked in some way masculine. Though of course I don't have full knowledge.)

Recently I had a conversation with her for the first time. I tried to be friendly and kind to her. I think she noticed I might be interested in her. I had the feeling she felt complimented.
Though it is unlikely I will have any conversation with her again. It was rather a coincidence that we met each other. It is not impossible to meet her again. But rather unlikely. Again she seemed to be very intelligent and this trait is for me kind of attractive.

However I try not to overthink things too much. I clearly tend to such a behavior.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

My mom would be okay with it if I wanted to transition (though affording all of the needed procedures would be another issue). Don't know about the sperm donor since he left us when I was 3 and he passed away a few years ago.

If I was a lesbian, my mom would be okay with it. Sadly, I am not as I am just a dysphoric male (Don't give me that bullshit that I am a female at heart. Appearance matters to me.)

Maybe in the next life I can be a cis woman with good sexual preferences *sigh*

 

[locked*n*loaded]

buy bull

 

[AnnonyBox]

I was told I'd be disowned and possibly shot. And yet they ask why I never talk to them.

 

[user_name_here]

Conservative parents here. Super homophobic. One of them more so due to religion. My most severe beatings as a child stem from some kind gay behaviour on my part, but we're talking ages 4, 5, 6. I didn't know what I was doing, I was merely emulating what had happened to me at the hands of adults.

Anyway, my teens and adult life, all straight relationships with women, all porn consumption was straight.

Fast forward to now.. yeah so I think many trans women in porn are stunning. No two ways about it. I also think it's super common for "straight" guys to look at trans porn or hire trans escorts.

From the typical alpha gym dude to the married police officer. It's not just LGBTQ+ people consuming it

 

[sick.faery]

mom: if i was bi/lesb she legit couldnt give a fuck. trans she's accept me and would support me but i think she'd he embarrassed of me but try not to show it

dad: if i was bi he'd be a bit concerned and hope i wont date girls or at least not get married to one cos he's more traditional and wants bio kids to keep the bloodline going cos i'm an only child. if i was lesbian he'd be pretty dissappointed, would wish i was straight and probably feel a bit embarrassed of me socially and pretty worried i wont have bio kids. if i was trans he definitely wouldnt accept it at all (he thinks trans people are ridiculous and funny) and wouldnt want me to ever transition, he'd maybe encourage me to go see a psychiatrist or something and pressure me to live as a woman

 

[unnormal9]

Ostracised.

 

[cogmachine]

dad agnostic, leaning on religions, saying how he would "kill them all if he could". mom atheist, "i still think it's just not normal". said to me at one point "if you (referring to my sister and i) were homosexuals we would love you in our own special way". not sure how to feel about it ｢(´へ｀;

 

[toperish]

I have extremely religious parents. My dad is a pastor. I can only imagine all the fights and shouting and yelling that will happen if I ever come out. I'd probably even get disowned. Which... would have been fine if I had a decent, stable job. But I don't. So I still live with them.
Although, if I'm going to be very honest, I think they already know. They're just in denial given that they're religious and having someone gay in their family will ruin the perfect family image they're trying to show other people.

 

[Sakura94]

She must have had some surgeries.

You understand estrogen feminizes the body right?

 

[Tyrone Slothrop]

They probably wouldn't care

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's difficult to know really. He'd hate to admit it but deep down, I think my Dad is homophobic. He once said that he'd understand if I was a lesbian but he'd be really disappointed! Still- I know he loves me- so- I reckon he would come to terms with it. It would make sense if I was- I think I must have a lot of testosterone in me or something- I've never really identified with 'typical' femininity. Weirdly, I'm straight though.

 

[noname223]

You understand estrogen feminizes the body right?

You are right I don't understand that fully. I think she transitioned after puberty. I am not sure how exactly that works and what remains irreversible after puberty no matter how many hormones you take.

 

[fallenangel444]

worst case they probably would kill me im a lesbian and my family is very religious last time they almost caught me dating a girl my mom saying some stuff like i shouldnt be here

 

[Ultracheese]

My parents reacted horribly when I first came out as trans at 15. My dad blamed it on being abused and my mental health while my mother just said all sorts of awful things about how I was embarrassing her and was a disgrace to the family. My mother is the type of person that's "tolerant" of trans people unless their kid is one if that makes sense. She believes it more so because it makes her look good rather than any sort of genuine belief. She has become more "accepting" of it in the sense that she likes to brag about how she has a trans kid, but up until I cut contact with her, she said all sorts of belittling things to me about it. She used to send me pictures of gender reassignment surgeries that were done wrong.

My dad has become more accepting. I think it just took him some time to process it. He does a good job with my chosen name and pronouns and has taken me shopping for boys' clothes and the like. I'm really proud of him for learning from his mistakes and growing.

 

[Luchs]

One time when I was in a really dark place my mom asked me what was wrong and that I could tell her anything, she wouldn't be mad, even if I was gay or something. I'm not, but that was really nice to hear. I think my dad would be less happy about it, but I wouldn't say that it would come from a place of prejudice. Apart from him I'm the last direct male descendent of my family and I'm gonna one day inherit the family farm. I think it would break his heart if I never had my own kids.

 

[Lamentice]

They would kick me out--which they did--when I was 17.