Discussion How will you forgive yourself for not exhausting your whole vitality?

[siray]

A significant population of this site, especially those living with parents (It's actually honourable for some of us Asian peoples to live in our parent's house our whole life), would have great difficulty suppressing their empathy for their family. The thought of causing them deep greif by suicide would be overwhelming if they love them.

I believe such a person subconsciously uses their intelligence to eradicate the suicidal thoughts, or if not at least sever the cord of memory, so that the trauma of depression doesn't break their spirit.

Hence the idealisation of the life of a hermit. ' I will not kill myself, but die of natural causes, spare myself and my loved ones the guilt and grief.'

This gives one the chance to exhaust their whole remaining vitality while trying to do whatever one likes with their life, though the despair sets in soon after the slightest bit of hope, the deep pessimism makes this all seem impossible.

 

[Water-Lily]

I relate to this. I know my family, speficially my father and brother, would be devastated if I die. Thing is, they know nothing about the suicidality that is my mental health. And I do not want them to know this side of me

I think, they would be spared. They will be hurt but also, for their benefit, they will be spared.

 

[motel rooms]

"How will you forgive yourself for not exhausting your whole vitality?"
I don't think that suicidal people have a lot of vitality left, so I don't quite get what you're talking about

 

[newave3]

My get up and go got up and went a long time ago. I ain't got no vitality.
I am the walking dead like many people on SS. I am a pill taking zombie and I will kill myself soon and not give a flying fuck what my family or anybody else thinks.

 

[Superdeterminist]

My SI makes me worry about these things when I'm close to ctb, but normally I don't really care . I don't feel I need to forgive myself for killing myself. Reality is too fucked up, if anything I should feel some guilt for sticking around in this terrible world.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Why should I be made to forgive my most prominent abuser, my eternal bully, and my worst enemy for any reason let alone one that barely applies to me?

If I'm wasting my vitality, it's because the bastard living inside my body doesn't deserve to reap the benefits of newly gained happiness. That horrific demon deserves all the suffering he has granted unto me and then some.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I don't have any vitality left and if your question is how do I forgive myself for causing pain to my family, the reality is that while I do feel bad about them suffering, I believe everyone should have the right to die and it's actually selfish of my family's part to want to deny me my right just because of their stability. If they where sick and suffering I would not feel entailed to deny their right to die / bodily autonomy. As well, to be honest my parents are a big part of why I ended up here.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't have any vitality, I am very exhausted and I have no will to live. In the case of my parents, yes they would be sad but I wouldn't suffer for the sake of others. I have no obligation to stay alive as I did not ask to. Suicide is simply a pain cycle, to end ours it passes it on to someone else. Existence is painful in general, it is the nature of it.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I don't feel I need to forgive myself for killing myself. Reality is too fucked up, if anything I should feel some guilt for sticking around in this terrible world.

You shouldn't feel guilt. It is not like any of us asked to be born. I see suicide as the ultimate expression of personal freedom and choice.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yeah, I felt like that when I lived with my parents.

Now, I'm just overworking and going kinda crazy and I just don't know how much longer I'll be around but, things have really improved a lot for me! (Except for my stomach, which almost killed me last Monday)

 

[siray]

Yeah, I felt like that when I lived with my parents.

Now, I'm just overworking and going kinda crazy and I just don't know how much longer I'll be around but, things have really improved a lot for me! (Except for my stomach, which almost killed me last Monday)

I believe I'll find myself in a similar situation like yours in October this year, because I'll be leaving my family to live in a cold climate city, try to find a simple job that gives me a bed and 3 meals a day, and overwork because my thoughts almost drive me insane, it would be a blessing to work 8-10 hours a day to distract myself from mental trauma.

I'm not used to eating non-home food but I guess my stomach will adapt gradually.

In the end, this is what it comes down to. Life, ambition, fulfillment, all that nonsense isn't real, Only momentary pleasures elevate my spirit just a little bit, but that too doesn't redeem all my past suffering. I'll always be a pessimist.

Will I enjoy my job? Probably not, it'll make me want to kill myself because I'm just naturally a miserable person. But at least this way I will get a chance to CTB 3000km away from my family, while possibly getting a little bit of pleasure from my last moments of solitude on earth.