(how to) tell my bf?

[walmart.kafka]

hello!
i've only been a member for a few days and this is already my 2nd thread, i hope this isn't too spam-y, but i feel like i have to get so much off my chest and i can't talk to anyone else about this.

ok so basically: i want to tell my boyfriend that i want to die and that i'm serious about it. but i don't know how or if i even should.
we have been together for 4 years and i wanted to marry him and have kids together and we had or could still have a good relationship if it wasn't for my illnesses.
i couldn't face him these past few weeks because thinking about our lost future hurts so much. and he probably thinks it's bc of something else, that i don't want to be together anymore or idk. he keeps asking if we could meet up and i tell him off saying i'm feeling too bad.
i wish i could just tell him that i need to somehow build up the courage and sternness to ctb and that seeing him makes it so much more harder...
i guess i just wanted to rant and ask for your opinions. thank u

 

[FuneralCry]

In my opinion, I wouldn't tell anybody. If people know about it there is a chance you could go on some sort of suicide watch and you would be unable to take your life. Many people are simply not understanding of those wanting to take their own lives and people naturally do everything to try and prevent it. In my situation I plan to write a note before I leave this earth explaining my reasons and 'there is nothing anybody could have done', things like that. It may provide closure to others.

 

[boc]

I think it depends on what the illness is. If you have some type of terminal cancer, I think it's totally reasonable to talk to him about it and be clear. If you are depressed and suicidal, and rationally want to CTB, I wouldn't mention it. I agree with the above, a note may help him understand in the latter situation.

 

[WornOutLife]

Your bf, just like any other person who loves you, will probably tell you not to ctb and do his best to keep you alive somehow.
In my case, my ex gf threatened me with ctb too if I did.

I don't know your bf but if you really wanna tell him, just be honest. Explain to him why you are not okay with life and this world.

Whatever happens, wish you lots of love and peace.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[western_heart]

Do you have any idea how he would react? Have you two talked about suicide before? Maybe had someone you both know CTB? How does he feel about mental health in general?

I told my SO recently and it went okay. But I knew it was safe for me to do so. She's going to support me as much as she can and I feel better for having told her. She knows about all my struggles, how much I want to avoid being in the psych ward, and she has been suicidal herself in the past.
If I thought there was any chance of her having me hospitalized, or her telling my parents, I wouldn't have told her anything.

 

[Bullit]

Why do you want to ctb?

 

[Curiousoutlook]

From my experience, telling anyone that you're going to ctb does nothing for yourself, but possible trouble. Ask yourself. What are you expecting from the other person after telling them? Do you expect them to comfort you to not ctb or would you expect them to be awkward and not know how to talk to you about it.

For me, I'm not telling anyone now. To put myself in comfort about it, when you passed, nothing won't matter anyways. You're not going to be alive to be worrying about anything because you simply won't exist anymore.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Don't know about relationship stuff but nice username.

 

[Quiet Desperation]

hello!
i've only been a member for a few days and this is already my 2nd thread, i hope this isn't too spam-y, but i feel like i have to get so much off my chest and i can't talk to anyone else about this.

ok so basically: i want to tell my boyfriend that i want to die and that i'm serious about it. but i don't know how or if i even should.
we have been together for 4 years and i wanted to marry him and have kids together and we had or could still have a good relationship if it wasn't for my illnesses.
i couldn't face him these past few weeks because thinking about our lost future hurts so much. and he probably thinks it's bc of something else, that i don't want to be together anymore or idk. he keeps asking if we could meet up and i tell him off saying i'm feeling too bad.
i wish i could just tell him that i need to somehow build up the courage and sternness to ctb and that seeing him makes it so much more harder...
i guess i just wanted to rant and ask for your opinions. thank u

It is relatable that you want the person you care about most in the world to understand what's going on in your head, but as someone who has done this and lost everything I had because of it I have a few words of caution for you.

You might be imagining how good it will feel to get it out and finally be understood, or that in an ideal world he would even support you. This is very unlikely to happen. That way you feel that seeing him makes it much harder... imagine for a second how he will feel about losing you. His reaction will much more likely be one of absolute terror at losing you than understanding.

I'm not trying to talk you out of it, I just want you to think it through carefully before you do. If I could do it again I absolutely would not have told her. If you go ahead just be prepared for the possibility of consequences like lots of tears, being locked up in a ward, and possibly even a serious threat to the relationship's continued existence. I lost my best friend and a really good job all because I was honest about how I was feeling.

 

[Rayzieka]

I personally wouldn't unless you know they won't put you in a hospital.

 

[Pookie]

You don't have to tell him that you want to ctb. Perhaps you could just open up to him about your depression in case you feel guilty that you're making up all these excuses not to see him. He might be blaming himself and thinking it's something he's doing wrong as to why you won't see him. Maybe he'd give you some space and stop asking to see you all the time if you told him you're depressed and that you need some time to yourself to process things.