How to say goodbye without making it obvious

[SamK]

Hey

I hope this post is allowed, if not forgive me

I need some advice please. I don't want my family/friends feeling guilty when I finally CTB.
An example is this.. I asked a friend if I could call them (for me to say goodbye without saying goodbye if that makes sense) and they ignored me. When I CTB, they will carry that with them forever.

I know i'm probably overthinking it all but I don't want them feeling the guilt. How do I make this easier for them,

Please help me out.
Is tere a way to cryptically say goodbye
Is there a way to make it easier for friends and family

I know suicide notes but before I 'catch the bus', I really want to spend some time, even ten minutes, making it meaningful in what I say without me giving hints i'm going to end it in days/weeks to come.
Please? thank you

 

[EternalSanction]

I'd advise to keep the suicide part out of your mind and just spend time with your loved ones. Try to enjoy it and make the best out of it.
I think it's better to spare any cryptic statements or anything in order to ensure noone will catch onto what you're planning.
The best way to ease their pain is a detailed note, explaining how what you did is not related to them or anything they did in the past.

 

[SamK]

Thank you so much

 

[Caerula]

Hi sorry that I'm not good at this myself, but I wonder if there are things your family and friends want to do with you for a long time, something that would make you guys happy. Maybe they will think of the happy times you guys spent together after you are no longer here.

 

[SamK]

I really really hope so.
I feel more for my friends in other countries who I once promised to go and visit and stuff. They will be the ones really feeling it and blaming theirselves. The thing is, no matter how guilty I feel over doing this in the near future, their love etc is not enough to keep me here. You probably understand.
I've even thought as far as cutting off from them but I feel cruel to do that.. I thought maybe if I did, it'd make it easier for them. Reality, I know, it wont make it easier.
So maybe i'll spend today trying to do videos to them, and spend the day complimenting them, sharing jokes, telling them more about my own happy memories in my life. I just feel cruel. I wish I had nobody to worry about when I leave it would be so much easier but I have to do it. I've spent years suffering and it's time. Within the week. I just feel so bad. But I guess all I can do is remind them I love them, highlight my suffering in a way I hope they will later understand why I did it.. but most of all I want what you said. I want them to feel at peace that there was nothing they could have done.
I been bereaved by suicide 6 times so I know it's not easy being left behid. You end up hating yourself for years, it basically haunted me everyday for at least two year. So I know how it will be for them and i'm trying to plan carefully. Video blogs that will be sent after by email maybe, detailed letters, I might even write them all a poem or something...

People think we do this without giving it much thought but its literally taking over every minute of the day to plan carefully, trying my best to consider everyone. frig it.

Thank you so much for being here and understanding

 

[Lowri]

Whatever you choose to do, be careful not to show too dramatic a change in behavior/mood. You can imagine people thinking I should have seen the signs if you suddenly started reconnecting with old friends/family before you ctb'd.

I intend to hand out simple compliments (e.g. your hair game is always on point or you're so hilarious). Not sure what I intend to achieve with this..I think part of it is that they won't think of me as a rotten unsympathetic bastard. Makes me more griefable. It's also good to end on a happy note.

 

[SamK]

I agree Lowri and I understand!
I just want to give out compliments and tell them I love them but you are right, I need to watch I don't come across as having dramatic change in behaviour and mood... definitely, especially since I'm under the crisis-team right now,

 

[RoloTomasi]

You don't have to say anything of the sort, just hang out with them for one last time. And if ever you make it, they'll know it was you saying goodbye.

 

[SamK]

Thanks Rolo

 

[Smilla]

It's too late for goodbyes.

For me anyway. Appreciate that others situations will vary.

 

[SamK]

 

[SamK]

I've kinda messed it up.
I've ended up with my closest friends not talking to me and ignoring me further , probably because i seem off to them. I admit i've gone silent on them unintentionally and i'm acting strange around them without meaning to. Probably because i'm anxious they'll find out and call someone on me.
Did not sleep last night. People keep asking me have i had a good day and i truly dont know what to say.
I told my friends (well, left a message) for them, saying that i will be going away for a week on sunday so they wont worry about me if they dont hear from me much. I told them to not be worried if they dont, because they wont. I feel horrible lying but now i have to make up something about me being busy with some event that doesn't exist.

 

[SamK]

edit- only because me not talking to them for 24 hours will be suspicious as anything. So i'm telling them i'll be away busy ...

 

[RoloTomasi]

I've kinda messed it up.
I've ended up with my closest friends not talking to me and ignoring me further , probably because i seem off to them. I admit i've gone silent on them unintentionally and i'm acting strange around them without meaning to. Probably because i'm anxious they'll find out and call someone on me.
Did not sleep last night. People keep asking me have i had a good day and i truly dont know what to say.
I told my friends (well, left a message) for them, saying that i will be going away for a week on sunday so they wont worry about me if they dont hear from me much. I told them to not be worried if they dont, because they wont. I feel horrible lying but now i have to make up something about me being busy with some event that doesn't exist.

Don't blame yourself for not being able to put up a normal front, you're the one who's in pain here. It's sad that we have to lie during what could be our last days, but necessary I guess. Ctb'ng won't likely be one of the first things that will come to their mind unless you actually brought it up here and there. I am going through a similar situation as well, it's sometimes very hard to be with them when I'm thinking about my death almost every half hour. I hope that it gets easier for you.

 

[SamK]

Thank you so so so much.
You hit the nail.....

I'm so relieved you get it. Phew

Hugs Rolo.

It is so hard. My mind is plagued its so much i'm struggling to hold a normal conversation without getting paranoid. Do my eyes look sad, have i left any ''evidence'' anywhere, is my false smile believable
Am i being too cheesy? too soppy.... what do their long pauses mean, have they clocked on.
It is so exahusted. I'm just going to breathe and kid myself it's another normal day.. but like you say, it's very hard to be with them when you're thinking about it all the time

Hope you have a 'bearable day Rolo and everyone else. You are all angels. I'm sorry you understand it. But i'm also grateful.

 

[GoneGirlXIV]

Secrets are hard to keep, but acting like things are fine is tough too. I guess you just have to try and enjoy your time with them. People are going to have feelings no matter how you end it

 

[creatureoflight]

Hey

I hope this post is allowed, if not forgive me

I need some advice please. I don't want my family/friends feeling guilty when I finally CTB.
An example is this.. I asked a friend if I could call them (for me to say goodbye without saying goodbye if that makes sense) and they ignored me. When I CTB, they will carry that with them forever.

I know i'm probably overthinking it all but I don't want them feeling the guilt. How do I make this easier for them,

Please help me out.
Is tere a way to cryptically say goodbye
Is there a way to make it easier for friends and family

I know suicide notes but before I 'catch the bus', I really want to spend some time, even ten minutes, making it meaningful in what I say without me giving hints i'm going to end it in days/weeks to come.
Please? thank you

They are going to feel guilty no matter what, so you giving them a cryptic message won't change much. I would recommend leaving a long letter explaining the exact reasons and telling them that this was your choice and free will and that you couldn't have been saved by therapy (for example if you have a long history of failed therapies or something like that)

 

[SamK]

Started the indirect goodbyes this morning

Gearing up. Just sent pictures with thank you notes and ''you're such a great friend'' kind of quotes. Discreet enough...

I feel peaceful though. I'm all cried out .. now i just want to make sure it'll be successful.. aside from guilt that will never go anyway, i'm looking forward to being free of this place and in peace, no more pain, no more mental anguish, no more dealing with people who pretend they care.. no more fighting with mental health teams.... no more mental, emotional or physical suffering. Just for others around me but i have a plan to distance myself slowly from them this week before i CTB.. not fall out with them, but, distance myself. I dont have much else to prepare. Just adding more photos to facebook (as much as i hate it, i know most will 'remember me ' (pfft) on there.

Then i'm writing cards and letters with instructions for someone to send them abroad for me.
Writing emails for the next two nights that will be delayed emails.
Then tomorrow i'm seeing the mental health team and going to tell them i'm doing great (but actually going to leave letters advising them how useless their crisis team is , and have a mini rant about how they should treat genuinely suicidal patients vs those who they simply favouritize for any given reason)..trust me, they have their faviourites who they'll rush to help meanwhile people like us on this forum are left because x reason or x reason. I been put down as 'chronically suicidal''... so you see my dilemma.. they never would help a year ago anyways when i wanted and needed t. I've had 365 days to plan out my death and now i'm quite at peace and looking forward to it. But still, i'm going to tell them, in hopes they'll change their outlook on patients who -can- be helped in future


Then i'm just .. well.. i'm not sure much else needs sorting out. Letters , photos, my belongings can go wherever.. i dont feel tied to anythng material anymore, who cares ..

I know this sounds silly but i half hope the weather is nice, sunny. It would be nice for my last day to be nice out.
I'm also going to leave instructions for them to play
Walking back to happiness at my funeral ...just 'cause i can...
Sad thing is, lots of us will carry humour through until the moment we take our last breath... fooling everyone around us.. but in a way, it helps, it gets people off your back.

 

[Bandzbandz]

Started the indirect goodbyes this morning

Gearing up. Just sent pictures with thank you notes and ''you're such a great friend'' kind of quotes. Discreet enough...

I feel peaceful though. I'm all cried out .. now i just want to make sure it'll be successful.. aside from guilt that will never go anyway, i'm looking forward to being free of this place and in peace, no more pain, no more mental anguish, no more dealing with people who pretend they care.. no more fighting with mental health teams.... no more mental, emotional or physical suffering. Just for others around me but i have a plan to distance myself slowly from them this week before i CTB.. not fall out with them, but, distance myself. I dont have much else to prepare. Just adding more photos to facebook (as much as i hate it, i know most will 'remember me ' (pfft) on there.

Then i'm writing cards and letters with instructions for someone to send them abroad for me.
Writing emails for the next two nights that will be delayed emails.
Then tomorrow i'm seeing the mental health team and going to tell them i'm doing great (but actually going to leave letters advising them how useless their crisis team is , and have a mini rant about how they should treat genuinely suicidal patients vs those who they simply favouritize for any given reason)..trust me, they have their faviourites who they'll rush to help meanwhile people like us on this forum are left because x reason or x reason. I been put down as 'chronically suicidal''... so you see my dilemma.. they never would help a year ago anyways when i wanted and needed t. I've had 365 days to plan out my death and now i'm quite at peace and looking forward to it. But still, i'm going to tell them, in hopes they'll change their outlook on patients who -can- be helped in future


Then i'm just .. well.. i'm not sure much else needs sorting out. Letters , photos, my belongings can go wherever.. i dont feel tied to anythng material anymore, who cares ..

I know this sounds silly but i half hope the weather is nice, sunny. It would be nice for my last day to be nice out.
I'm also going to leave instructions for them to play
Walking back to happiness at my funeral ...just 'cause i can...
Sad thing is, lots of us will carry humour through until the moment we take our last breath... fooling everyone around us.. but in a way, it helps, it gets people off your back.

I couldn't have said this better.

 

[musicislife]

I've figured this is impossible for me , on days where I've really felt this is it I've felt the need to tell my family saying I love you mum dad sis I'm going now etc had the police phoned on me recently as my mum thought she'd heard me go under water whilst on the phone to her !!!

 

[tammyot]

Same here, I have to be very careful. My sister rang my GP and said I was suicidal which I then had to deny. It's so very difficult. My words will have to be written not said or it will raise suspicions.