Venting How to say goodbye to friends and family without raising the alarm?

[Contraband]

Is this possible? It really bothers me that we don't have the ability to have a proper and mature conversation with our peers about our reality.

I'd love to be able to sit people down and explain that this is my life, my body and my choice. It's not a phase. Give them the chance to ask questions and clear up any confusion without having the authorities involved.

 

[ImTelling]

Is this possible? It really bothers me that we don't have the ability to have a proper and mature conversation with our peers about our reality.

I'd love to be able to sit people down and explain that this is my life, my body and my choice. It's not a phase. Give them the chance to ask questions and clear up any confusion without having the authorities involved.

Unfortunately those who love you will do anything they can to stop you from ending your life. It's a very dangerous game to tell anyone your plans, let alone those who want you to be alive and know where you live to call the cops on you.

I'd say the safest possible way to bring closure to your friends and family is to write a suicide letter detailing anything you think they would ask and saying your goodbyes. Be as detailed as you want, it's your last statement on this planet.

 

[sugarh1gh]

There are good chances of people calling the authorities or even admit you to psych ward (if they are family) if you tell people. I think it is safe to tell them you love them, but nothing further. Unless you have friends who know you have been having thoughts about ctb and haven't called authorities, it's not safe.

 

[Naetoh]

I agree with the other commenters. Unless you can really think they'll respect you and not try to take things into their own hands a mature conversation is probably not likely to work out like you want. I've been thinking about a similar issue. I want to empty my bank account and sell some big ticket items and give a check to a relative who could use the help. But "giving things away" is a well known ctb tell. I just can't let any more money go to my greedy, evil landlord by leaving anything of worth for them to sell.

 

[Contraband]

I agree with the other commenters. Unless you can really think they'll respect you and not try to take things into their own hands a mature conversation is probably not likely to work out like you want. I've been thinking about a similar issue. I want to empty my bank account and sell some big ticket items and give a check to a relative who could use the help. But "giving things away" is a well known ctb tell. I just can't let any more money go to my greedy, evil landlord by leaving anything of worth for them to sell.

even randomly saying "i love you" out of blue feels obvious to me. i have a buddy in the uk i might talk to and let other online friends know/explain the situation, but that feels like a hell of a lot to ask of somebody, especially a close friend.

maybe you could make a will if you have significant things/wealth to give away?

 

[Abyssal]

Tell me when you figure it out, I sleep too long and they come banging on the door now ughhhh

 

[Dusk till dawn]

Just leave them a scheduled email, usually giving them a goodbye only makes them feel worse since you've given them a hint and said something you usually never say which would be even more emotional if it was at the day you committed suicide, it'll always be embedded with their minds when they think about you

 

[J&L383]

I agree with the other commenters. Unless you can really think they'll respect you and not try to take things into their own hands a mature conversation is probably not likely to work out like you want. I've been thinking about a similar issue. I want to empty my bank account and sell some big ticket items and give a check to a relative who could use the help. But "giving things away" is a well known ctb tell. I just can't let any more money go to my greedy, evil landlord by leaving anything of worth for them to sell.

You can do a will really simply (if you do a handwritten will it's valid without any attorney, but. I recommend spending a couple hundred dollars to get one done by an attorney) and then your landlord can't legally take anything. (Unless I suppose if you owe him rent, but they need would to go to court to get that and it might be too much trouble)

 

[UmbraDweller]

I don't believe it's possible to have any conversation like that with them in person. Anyone who has at least some emotional connection to you will take all of the precautions needed to stop you. There's no chance of them understanding or accepting your decision. In some rare cases maybe, but if your close ones were like that you probably wouldn't need to ask this question I suppose.

You can leave a note or schedule text messages, that's the best we got.

 

[z____]

I posted a similar thread recently and other users gave me some beneficial insights, so I'll sum up what affected my plans the most.

You're balancing your own needs and emotions with those of the people you care about, and you can't know for sure how much it will help them when you're gone, but if you do leave some message behind, it may help them find closure or give them more to remember you by.

Having these final messages left behind or final conversations before also may help give you closure and reduce the guilt and sorriness that you feel about your decision.

As for how to actually leave messages behind, recording some videos rather than leaving a written note may be more personal, clearer, and could give your loved ones something to watch when they miss you. Recording or writing the note in advance so that you can review it to get your words right through a couple revisions would be worth your time imo.

Finally, even if you're not sure if you'll give the message to anyone, writing or recording a message on your reasons and situation may help you reflect on it, and help you either feel surer or may cause you to reconsider your choices.

As for me, I'll most likely be recording a few videos for some of the people most important to me soon, and maybe one general video getting anything off my chest that I feel the need to. I'd make sure they'd be accessible after my attempt goes through, but I may still want to have an actual conversation with one or two of the people I'm leaving. I know not to be obvious about my plans but the only person I'd contact directly is already aware of my intentions.

I hope this helps, and I hope you find a way to escape or overcome your pain.

 

[FreeWilly]

Is this possible? It really bothers me that we don't have the ability to have a proper and mature conversation with our peers about our reality.

I'd love to be able to sit people down and explain that this is my life, my body and my choice. It's not a phase. Give them the chance to ask questions and clear up any confusion without having the authorities involved.

It bothers me so much that we can't do this with dignity, say goodbye to people, and not traumatize ourselves and anyone that loves us. My friends have always called the cops and then weren't friends afterwards. I'm virtually alone at this point. Everyone is just waiting for me to go out.

 

[Contraband]

sorry to hear you're dealing with this alone. it's especially frustrating that you've attempted and told people and you're still mentally stranded. it would make everything simpler for anyone involved but we have to do this lttle cherade where we act like nothing's wrong

 

[sukiduki]

i want my ctb to look as accidental as possible - so i am planning in advance (over a year). i am just spending more time with friends in this time frame, tell them this year i am just embracing social butterfly tendencies as an "experiment" and telling them i appreciate their friendship like it should be a normal thing we express to people in our lives anyway so that it doesn't look or feel that much different when i finally attempt to ctb.

i hope you find what works for you. i feel for you

 

[hadenough58]

I did this with my brother yesterday not that he knew it.
I was telling him I am due to retire and will most likely relocate to Thailand or the Philippines but in truth I will ctb while I am there as I would like to have a view of the sea and warm weather as I pass away.
An added bonus is I am told obtaining drugs or a firearm is relatively easy there if you have the cash.

 

[lost_ange1]

I would try it indirectly, spend a "good" time with them, maybe make a few nice memories with them. Then the next time you split apart (When you know you'll ctb) and say "bye" or "see you" put all your farewells in it, emotionally but not verbally.
If they ask what's wrong just say you have a very emotional day.

Or just write everything in a latter for them and leave it for them to read.

 

[FuneralCry]

It doesn't really sound like the best idea to me, I'd see it as better to leave notes as a farewell to be read after, it truly is tragic how we exist in this anti-suicide society where there is no acceptance towards suicide as a very valid personal choice.

The fact that many humans lack compassion to the point that they believe the meaningless suffering of others should be prolonged no matter what truly disgusts me, it's horrific how suicidal people are locked in psych wards simply for wanting to make a decision they have every right to make.