How to save someone that doesn't want to be saved ?

[corpsenotfound]

How to save someone that doesn't want to be saved ?

idk wtf to do anymore
i thought i was finally doing better but no,
i mean i thought i was after my last attempt for a while this year but not anymore
and i just got the worst news from my bsf im so scared for her and im already so confused with everything
reason is we're bsf's but also dating kinda nd active sexually so its confusing where we stand together in the relationship since we have like no boundaries together
problem is, she still wants to ctb with me, and hearing her ask me again yest gave me a panic attack and i just went to bed crying
its not that i wouldnt with or for her but i just dont know if im ready yet, i dont wanna loose her so soon, i finally feel happy in a sense but its pretty bleak because of my bpd, all of my happiness is mostly cause of her
cant & dont wanna live without her, dont wanna die, but cantt let her die alone too, fml idk what to do
I dont get why she wants to die so bad i mean i have a good idea and understand alot of what she says but still i wish i could just help her positvely somehow and give her a reason to live but no it rlly doesnt seem like it and everytime i do mention something im just scared cause she either gets upset or shuts me out so i just feel hopeless
cant focus on my happy or what i wanna do either if i have to focus on this plan the whole time.. like she wanted to be gone before news years or next feb but idkk if im ready for so soon
idk if i evens want to anymore but i almost feel like i have to
ik i dont but i wont forgive myself if i dont and i cant live with myself knowing the fact she did it without me
i just wish we had more time together
Ultimately i can't force her to want to live, but it might help to talk to her about it. And if i knew any of her friends or family i would've talked to them and said she could use some motivation even if i don't want to tell them shes thinking of ending things

im sorry k...

 

[Forever Sleep]

This is such a difficult situation to be in. I'm so sorry but I just don't really know what to say. I'd feel so conflicted too in your shoes. I don't think you can go ahead with it yourself if you're not ready or sure but I understand that you don't want to live without her or let her down. Have you actually told her that you don't feel ready? I guess that then puts the pressure on to her that she'd be coercing you though.

As to- can you save someone who doesn't want to be saved? I mean- it happens everyday. People get sectioned! But- I imagine she'll either resent you for being terribly heavy handed and you'll have that guilt that you did it to save yourself- or- it might work out and your relationship could be all the stronger. Impossible to know really.

I think- if you're not going to CTB with her though- really, you're going to have to tell her. You could just be honest and tell her your wishes- that you want to support her in getting better but you can't go down this other road anymore. Then- it's up to her. It's going to feel like shit but- that's always the risk with pacts. Someone can always change their mind. I'm sorry.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Take it from me (a guy who doesn't want to be saved). You can't save them. You can only hope that, through your relationship and your actions with her, it'll be enough to want them to save themselves. Otherwise, if they're dead set to not want to be saved.. they can't be saved no matter what you do

 

[figurehead]

One can't really save anyone who doesn't want to be saved, But, in my view at least, that doesn't stop you for trying to do so - cos at this stage, anything is (im)possible - and, more importantly, you cannot let yourself be dragged into a death you're not even prepared for. I think suicide is the ultimate personal thing, something you can't let others decide for you, however much is at stake, I love my partner to bits, but I could never pull him with me, it's mine/his personal decision. But it seems obvious that you don't lose her. Have you tried talking to her - not about "not dying", but your feelings towards it, Not in an attempt to save her, or even both of you, simply for her to have a grasp of how difficult it is to decide to die and also of letting her go.

 

[girl2910]

Someone who doesn't want to be saved can't be saved

 

[Kit1]

This is such a difficult situation to be in. I'm so sorry but I just don't really know what to say. I'd feel so conflicted too in your shoes. I don't think you can go ahead with it yourself if you're not ready or sure but I understand that you don't want to live without her or let her down. Have you actually told her that you don't feel ready? I guess that then puts the pressure on to her that she'd be coercing you though.

As to- can you save someone who doesn't want to be saved? I mean- it happens everyday. People get sectioned! But- I imagine she'll either resent you for being terribly heavy handed and you'll have that guilt that you did it to save yourself- or- it might work out and your relationship could be all the stronger. Impossible to know really.

I think- if you're not going to CTB with her though- really, you're going to have to tell her. You could just be honest and tell her your wishes- that you want to support her in getting better but you can't go down this other road anymore. Then- it's up to her. It's going to feel like shit but- that's always the risk with pacts. Someone can always change their mind. I'm sorry.

Forever Sleep, I agree with you and what the others have said.

Ending our lives is a very personal decision - we also don't know what will happen after death. The chances are that at the point of death, there will be a separation anyway. It feel really heartless to say what I just did and for you, this is a devastating, terribly sad position to be in. Despite your challenges, you have managed to find happiness and you know that it is possible to be happy and love is about giving the other person the respect and space to grow and live that they would like to live. As painful as it might be to let her go (is she is absolutely sure that she wants to go), then both of you will need to accept that you made the right decisions for yourselves (as hard as this journey to acceptance will be).

Best wishes and I really hope that it works out for both of you. Take care.

 

[Mirrory Me]

First step is to seek help and understanding for the problems.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

You can't. I'm sorry to say it.
You can hold her close if she lets you.
And you can give her the world.
But you can't make her take it.

I am not suggesting this but personally...
When my highschool sweetheart's mother died she started smoking again so I ate her cigarettes because it caused her a lot of anxiety and stress and I told her I would keep doing it until she stopped sneaking cigarettes. Surprisingly that worked.

And again I'm not suggesting this...
I had an ex who would cut herself, she was completely unaware of how easily and quickly scars add up... So this is in my crazier days jsuk,
I took a box cutter and gashed the living crap out of myself all over my chest and I told her I was going to do this every time she put a single cut on herself. And I checked in with her about a week ago and she has not cut since.
And yes it sounds absolutely crazy...
But idgaf because I was crazy and yet it still worked.

But you can't make someone see the bright side.
You can only hold them close and pray to God that they hear you. You can try to make them happy.
But in the end, all you can do carry their memory
And I have to tell you... That hurts in ways that transcend hurt. Maybe you've had heartbreak in your life, but this is a type of soul ache that no one is ever prepared for or expecting until they feel it.
And I'm in no way trying to push my religion on anyone... But I mean it when I say pray.
Sometimes phantom pains are the worst because you still feel them years later.
And I'm afraid myself, to know if this will go on forever.

All you can do is cry and try and try and try.
But, you can't make them stay.