Help How To Reduce Trauma to SO Left Behind?

[RayoSinSol]

My Significant Other found out about my plans recently, and he wants me to stay for another year at least.

I care deeply for him, but I just don't know for sure if I can make that promise. I feel too far gone.

I don't know if I can promise him a year, but I'm going to postpone doing anything for a little while so as not to entirely betray his trust.

Any advice or guidance toward research on Harm Reduction methods for exiting, in case I do exit, before the time my partner wants me to stay?

There's no way to entirely avoid traumatizing him by leaving, I guess, but other than not dying in the house we live in together and maybe sending a letter so he at least knows what happened and doesn't file a missing persons report, I don't know what to do.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I don´t know if it is possible to reduce the trauma for our loved ones except as you mentioned that it isn´t them who discovers your body.

I do however think we might be able to make them understand why suicide was the only reason we have left, I have made notes and videos even one from a year ago where I explain all my physical and mental problems (I got about a dozen) so I hope they can see that I just didn´t want to suffer anymore, it also helps that my physical problems are chronical so they will never get better.

I don´t know what your reason for ctb is but "hopefully" it´s bad enough for your loved ones to realize that this was the right choice. If you "only" have depression you might never be able to convince them sorry because even though I think depression is a perfectly valid reason for ctb because in most cases it never goes away our loved ones might not see it this way most people believe "you just need therapy" which can help some but it won´t cure your illness.

 

[rasputin]

My Significant Other found out about my plans recently, and he wants me to stay for another year at least.

I care deeply for him, but I just don't know for sure if I can make that promise. I feel too far gone.

I don't know if I can promise him a year, but I'm going to postpone doing anything for a little while so as not to entirely betray his trust.

Any advice or guidance toward research on Harm Reduction methods for exiting, in case I do exit, before the time my partner wants me to stay?

There's no way to entirely avoid traumatizing him by leaving, I guess, but other than not dying in the house we live in together and maybe sending a letter so he at least knows what happened and doesn't file a missing persons report, I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry you're feeling the weight of that on your shoulders right now. I'm glad you have an SO you can talk to about it, and I'm glad he didn't try to section you or do something equally inhumane. He sounds like a decent human being and fairly open-minded.

For myself, only one person in my life knows about my suicidality and it has helped them a ton to talk through it together. Of course they're never going to be fully "ok" with me cbting, but it helps them not to feel blindside when we talk it out. Understanding my reasons, my methods, etc has reduced their anxiety immensely. They've encouraged me to find a peaceful method even though they're adamantly against me cbting any time soon.

We can't control how our loved ones will respond to our death, nor is there any guaranteed way to really spare them pain and suffering. But I think honesty and warning beforehand helps ... so they feel they were able to say goodbye. (This only works if they're safe enough and open minded enough to be honest with aka won't section you. Most people are too pro-life)

I also think choosing a method that is less painful is a harm reduction strategy. So is writing a letter - "I am finally at peace" - or something to that effect.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It seems to me like this will require negotiation. You can perhaps counter with what you're willing to do, and he can decide whether or not to accept it, and if not, to counter as well. That way neither of you promises more than you are willing or capable of giving.

 

[Aap]

I think the best you can do is try to clean up your messes to the extent possible and help them understand why.

 

[RayoSinSol]

I'm sorry you're feeling the weight of that on your shoulders right now. I'm glad you have an SO you can talk to about it, and I'm glad he didn't try to section you or do something equally inhumane. He sounds like a decent human being and fairly open-minded.

For myself, only one person in my life knows about my suicidality and it has helped them a ton to talk through it together. Of course they're never going to be fully "ok" with me cbting, but it helps them not to feel blindside when we talk it out. Understanding my reasons, my methods, etc has reduced their anxiety immensely. They've encouraged me to find a peaceful method even though they're adamantly against me cbting any time soon.

We can't control how our loved ones will respond to our death, nor is there any guaranteed way to really spare them pain and suffering. But I think honesty and warning beforehand helps ... so they feel they were able to say goodbye. (This only works if they're safe enough and open minded enough to be honest with aka won't section you. Most people are too pro-life)

I also think choosing a method that is less painful is a harm reduction strategy. So is writing a letter - "I am finally at peace" - or something to that effect.

Thank you for your input. I am glad to have found someone open minded, because being hospitalized has only had the effect of making me feel even crazier than before, in the past.

I really don't see much point in leaving anyone else a note, but it'd definitely be worth it in this case.

It seems to me like this will require negotiation. You can perhaps counter with what you're willing to do, and he can decide whether or not to accept it, and if not, to counter as well. That way neither of you promises more than you are willing or capable of giving.

I'm just gonna do the whole "one day at a time" thing for now. We sort of have an indirect agreement that I won't do anything for at least the next two weeks, because I have things to help him with on the weekends.

I don't want to push it too much for now because it's definitely a bit of a painful subject to bring up, even though he's handling it relatively well. Two weeks or so and then I'll bring it up again.

 

[Notabadguy]

Regarding your pain, maybe you could try smoking pot, it's not for everyone, maybe it's for you.

Regarding his pain, he'll be devastated, no matters what.

 

[muffin222]

I don't think you can reduce the trauma, sadly...
We often leave behind a lot of hurt and pain for the people who love us when we decide to leave this earth. That's an oft cited "drawback" to ctb that many people worry about- and for good reason. None of us want to traumatize the people we love. Unfortunately, other people's emotions do get involved when it comes to suicide, and they're beyond our conscious control.


I wish you peace with whatever you decide to do