I'm not in recovery so I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this. I thought that people in recovery who were able to distance themselves from this place could offer any advice maybe? I'm sure it's different for everyone but I feel like I'm getting addicted, attached to people and just too involved again before I got eye problems 11 months ago. Only because of my eye issues I wasn't able to look at any screens whatsoever and if at all only for a short time. But the reason I'm bringing this up is that I spent almost 8-9 months without coming here or hardly looking at a screen and I kinda wish I could get back to that. In a fucked up way I kinda wish my eyes would fuck up again. I was even writing in diaries and reading books more and even though it was boring as fuck at times atleast I wasn't feeling this indescribable sadness I feel sometimes only when I come here like I am now. I'm kinda confused about what I want honestly besides that so idk maybe this is just me pointlessly ranting.
I am happy I came here. I keep coming back because I am able to vent and unable to socialize and interact with others (outside of a professional environment) with any level of comfort anymore. I wasted my "image" blabbering about suicide and abuse to "friends" and "family" and came out homeless. Really. Really devastated. Complaining about sex abuse and men and bla bla bla - "nobody likes women who are complainers". I lost jobs, I lost housing, I was targeted. I decided that suicidal ideation is normal when you're bullied and cornered and can't leave a situation or pervasive thoughts and have found comfort. I even found some helpful links for self-help books and it's nice to see a mirror (in some respects) and not feel like such an alien.
I feel rewarded and found compassion and people who DO get better (I've gone up and down, too). I've been suicidal for 16.25 years since a traumatic event and couldn't help it. It forever changed me.
It's keeping me up, not down. I'm not listening to methods on "how to die". I had to watch someone half-through an effort and felt so DISGUSTED and depressed looking at another person in pain. I have emotions and some just don't.
It depends on what you're here for.
I'd NEVER want to watch anyone kill themselves and can't describe how gruesome it looks from my home computer.
It's nice to tell someone "don't do that - I love you from here!" and sometimes that's good enough.
Maybe read the uplifting stories and see that some DO recover.
Not all suicidal people are that way temporarily. For some, it takes a lifetime to escape what got you there, anyway.
-R