Help How to pretend to be "doing better" to throw off suspicion

[HelpDoesNotExist]

My parents currently have my bank card and all my money under their control, how do I pretend to be "better" long enough they trust me and give it back so I can buy what I need for my method?
Problem is I only feel worse and worse everyday to the point that the memories and regrets attack me from every nerve in my body now, I have no capacity for any positive feeling and the few things that used to comfort hurt me so much worse now because of what they make me remember. I cannot stand being awake and every second is torture and I've come to resent my family for trying to force me to stay alive I have come to avoid speaking to them unless i have to.
Do I have to start talking again to make them think I'm OK or will it be fine if I'm just quiet but don't mention CTB ever?
How else do I pretend I'm "improving"?

 

[sodalover]

i'd suggest slowly pretending you're getting better, it'll take time but i (personally) think it might genuinely take a bit to get them to trust you with your own money again

i don't have a time frame suggestion but i think it might take a few months depending on how much they know about you wanting to CTB sadly enough

 

[kinderbueno]

Force yourself to talk more. Pretend to take up a hobby, help them with chores around the house. It's so fucking difficult to pretend but it gets easier the more you do it imo

 

[kyhoti]

I know its hard, but the more squared-away you look, the better they'll feel. Like make your bed, shower, dress decent etc. Most people judge others by outside attributes. If you look clean on the outside, they'll assume you're clean on the inside. It's disingenuous but you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

[listobetty]

In the same situation rn, for me looking healthy took a lot of work. It takes a lot of effort but: clean room, smile more, talk about the positives, have a hobby, getting your grades up (if in school). if you do art, make "happy" looking art.

For me, being burnt out made this really hard. But if you take it one step at a time, pick up one thing in you room at a time, it will be easier.

 

[HelpDoesNotExist]

i'd suggest slowly pretending you're getting better, it'll take time but i (personally) think it might genuinely take a bit to get them to trust you with your own money again

i don't have a time frame suggestion but i think it might take a few months depending on how much they know about you wanting to CTB sadly enough

Yeah probably it really sucks. I guess it finally woke me up that being honest with them isn't ever going to do me any good.

Force yourself to talk more. Pretend to take up a hobby, help them with chores around the house. It's so fucking difficult to pretend but it gets easier the more you do it imo

I think quiet would actually be better because I've gotten terrible at pretending to be anything but completely miserable. Im really bad at pretending and im in almost physical pain 24/7 from just the sadness and also withdrawls. As for chores I don't have the energy to clean my own space, but that's been a while now so they're used to it.

I know its hard, but the more squared-away you look, the better they'll feel. Like make your bed, shower, dress decent etc. Most people judge others by outside attributes. If you look clean on the outside, they'll assume you're clean on the inside. It's disingenuous but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Maybe I'll have to...it's just very hard to even lay in bed doing nothing especially grooming. But if it means finally leaving

In the same situation rn, for me looking healthy took a lot of work. It takes a lot of effort but: clean room, smile more, talk about the positives, have a hobby, getting your grades up (if in school). if you do art, make "happy" looking art.

For me, being burnt out made this really hard. But if you take it one step at a time, pick up one thing in you room at a time, it will be easier.

Yeah I'm just worried they still won't trust me, and I'll have wasted all my effort for nothing. I don't get how they think I'm going to appreciate the "help" and not just resent them. Especially when they have no arguments why my life is worth suffering through besides "because I said so".

In the same situation rn, for me looking healthy took a lot of work. It takes a lot of effort but: clean room, smile more, talk about the positives, have a hobby, getting your grades up (if in school). if you do art, make "happy" looking art.

For me, being burnt out made this really hard. But if you take it one step at a time, pick up one thing in you room at a time, it will be easier.

Yeah I'm just worried they still won't trust me, and I'll have wasted all my effort for nothing. I don't get how they think I'm going to appreciate the "help" and not just resent them. Especially when they have no arguments why my life is worth suffering through besides "because I said so".

 

[kinderbueno]

I think quiet would actually be better because I've gotten terrible at pretending to be anything but completely miserable. Im really bad at pretending and im in almost physical pain 24/7 from just the sadness and also withdrawls. As for chores I don't have the energy to clean my own space, but that's been a while now so they're used to it.

I'm sorry you're going through so much. The only thing I can think of which doesn't involve talking is adapting small healthy habits like drinking more water

 

[nvmb]

As exhausting as it is, you'll have to get in the habit of pretending that you are fine. As exhausting as it sounds, forcing yourself to be more engaging and smiling is unbearable but if you want throw off suspicion you'll have to fake it. At least it worked for me. Just a suggestion.

 

[KillingPain267]

My parents currently have my bank card and all my money under their control, how do I pretend to be "better" long enough they trust me and give it back so I can buy what I need for my method?
Problem is I only feel worse and worse everyday to the point that the memories and regrets attack me from every nerve in my body now, I have no capacity for any positive feeling and the few things that used to comfort hurt me so much worse now because of what they make me remember. I cannot stand being awake and every second is torture and I've come to resent my family for trying to force me to stay alive I have come to avoid speaking to them unless i have to.
Do I have to start talking again to make them think I'm OK or will it be fine if I'm just quiet but don't mention CTB ever?
How else do I pretend I'm "improving"?

Man, the prying into money matters is one of the most degrading annoying things ever, and IMO does NOT help a suicidal person whatsoever. I can relate, yet not to the degree that my family fully controlled my bank or card. But them relentlessly wanting to see my account and asking what this or that expense was has resulted in me starting to resent my family. I pretend improving by trying to act the old "me" and going to therapy sessions even though I'll probably never recover. I never mentioned suicidal thoughts and convinced both my family and therapist and doctors that I'm too scared to harm myself and only ever had "passive thoughts".

Yeah I'm just worried they still won't trust me, and I'll have wasted all my effort for nothing. I don't get how they think I'm going to appreciate the "help" and not just resent them.

Right?!! Some "help" is downright degrading. But suicide preventionists will sacrifice anything in order to fulfil their selfish desires. It reminds me of dictators who throw away human civil rights and due process in order to "fight crime and save lives" when in reality, their desire is just to quench dissent and political enemies. But if you point out how important a fair trial is for human dignity and to avoid innocents being caught, they will say you are siding with the criminals. Likewise, extreme suicide preventionists will rob our privacy, our economic choices and even sedate us if need be.

 

[agony1996]

My parents currently have my bank card and all my money under their control, how do I pretend to be "better" long enough they trust me and give it back so I can buy what I need for my method?
Problem is I only feel worse and worse everyday to the point that the memories and regrets attack me from every nerve in my body now, I have no capacity for any positive feeling and the few things that used to comfort hurt me so much worse now because of what they make me remember. I cannot stand being awake and every second is torture and I've come to resent my family for trying to force me to stay alive I have come to avoid speaking to them unless i have to.
Do I have to start talking again to make them think I'm OK or will it be fine if I'm just quiet but don't mention CTB ever?
How else do I pretend I'm "improving"?

I would tell you to pretend to be ok but me personally when the pain is so bad it's EXTREMELY hard to fake it. I used to be able to but not anymore.
If you can't bring yourself to pretend then absolutely stop talking about ctb,
they'll never trust you then

 

[UKscotty]

Paradoxically, pretending to get better will very likely lead to getting better.

Forcing ourselves to do normal things can often kick start the serotonin balance etc.

 

[astr4]

i'm sorry you're living in these circumstances, it sounds awful and controlling even if they have good intentions.

it seems to me you may just have to fake it til you make it. you can go through the motions, and they might actually make you feel better, or if they don't, at the very least your parents might trust you again.

best of luck.