Help How to overcome survival instinct as much as possible?

[toolateforme]

I was supposed to CTB today. I had my plan for the longest and I finally had intent. I took them all out, counted them to make sure I had everything I needed, grabbed two bottles of water. Then when it actually came to the moment - I just fucking stared at the pills. Couldn't bring myself to open the bottle. Like my mind just shorted out or something. I'm so fucking angry at myself, and embarrassed, too. I really underestimated SI. I thought acceptance alone was enough.

How do I overcome this? I plan to get drunk tonight but I'm scared that won't be enough.

 

[Broken]

What pills you taking?

 

[toolateforme]

What pills you taking?

25mg capsules of hydroxyzine, 120 of them. Read a report where someone tried to overdose on it and they simply passed out while waiting for them to kick in. They didn't realize they failed until a few days later when they woke up in the hospital. I planned to take much more than them.

 

[Raggas]

The pills probably wouldn't have killed you so you saved yourself a lot of pain. The best way to overcome survival instinct though is to literally just do it without thinking. That and perhaps some alcohol.

 

[toolateforme]

The pills probably wouldn't have killed you so you saved yourself a lot of pain. The best way to overcome survival instinct though is to literally just do it without thinking. That and perhaps some alcohol.

That is something i was scared of, yes. I have read that ODs are pretty finicky in general. I had done quite a bit of research on overdoses regarding hydroxyzine as well as its LD50 to try and ensure that I'd be taking enough.
Hah.. that'd be pretty funny if it did turn out that way - I work myself up to overcome SI only to wake up in the hospital feeling like an idiot.

 

[RodgerThat]

Make sure you hit rock bottom. And lots of alcohol.

 

[Divine Trinity]

I was supposed to CTB today. I had my plan for the longest and I finally had intent. I took them all out, counted them to make sure I had everything I needed, grabbed two bottles of water. Then when it actually came to the moment - I just fucking stared at the pills. Couldn't bring myself to open the bottle. Like my mind just shorted out or something. I'm so fucking angry at myself, and embarrassed, too. I really underestimated SI. I thought acceptance alone was enough.

How do I overcome this? I plan to get drunk tonight but I'm scared that won't be enough.

Extreme stress or desensitivity to the fear of death.

 

[TAW122]

The pills probably wouldn't have killed you so you saved yourself a lot of pain. The best way to overcome survival instinct though is to literally just do it without thinking. That and perhaps some alcohol.

This and also in addition to this, some people might find it helpful to not overthink it and put yourself in a state of acceptance and calmness, which is not easy and requires taming one's emotions and psychological readiness in order to reach that state. I've reached that state a couple of times in my life and it's not easy, it took a lot of time, courage, meditation, and also reframing my mind into accepting 'death' and pushing everything (all other distractions) away.

 

[toolateforme]

This and also in addition to this, some people might find it helpful to not overthink it and put yourself in a state of acceptance and calmness, which is not easy and requires taming one's emotions and psychological readiness in order to reach that state. I've reached that state a couple of times in my life and it's not easy, it took a lot of time, courage, meditation, and also reframing my mind into accepting 'death' and pushing everything (all other distractions) away.

I've reached this state exactly once in my life. It was really quite peaceful, I had ordered the tools needed to CTB without a single tear shed - I just looked at it as something I needed to do.

Maybe that was my problem this morning, too. I had really, really wanted to do it but I lacked that element of acceptance. Like maybe in the back of my mind, without realizing it, I wanted to end my pain but I just didn't want it to involve CTB. I don't know.

 

[mentionized1]

The pills probably wouldn't have killed you so you saved yourself a lot of pain. The best way to overcome survival instinct though is to literally just do it without thinking. That and perhaps some alcohol.

I completely agree to this without hesitation! I had some problems in the beginning because I was unnecessarily stressed. Just don't think about it, the next morning when you wake up and realize that you're still trapped in this shitty world, just do it without thinking. This works best for me but I only have problems with the implementation of the right technique, but hopefully that comes with some practice. (choosed partial hanging in my case)

However, if you want to take pills, I recommend to consume some alcohol in moderation before. It's simply that after taking the pills you don't have to worry (so much) any more and displace it.

 

[Allpainnogain]

I was supposed to CTB today. I had my plan for the longest and I finally had intent. I took them all out, counted them to make sure I had everything I needed, grabbed two bottles of water. Then when it actually came to the moment - I just fucking stared at the pills. Couldn't bring myself to open the bottle. Like my mind just shorted out or something. I'm so fucking angry at myself, and embarrassed, too. I really underestimated SI. I thought acceptance alone was enough.

How do I overcome this? I plan to get drunk tonight but I'm scared that won't be enough.

Maybe you're worried this method isn't really a guarantee?

 

[toolateforme]

Maybe you're worried this method isn't really a guarantee?

oh yeah, since then I've done better research and decided on night night instead. This method is just way too risky, and now I realize it that was pretty impulsive despite having researched the amount of pills I needed before hand. Even if I actually took the pills it'd take me a few days to die and I'd already have been rescued, unless I went out into some weird forest or something, and even then my parents would probably try to have the cops find me.

 

[Mogley26]

I was supposed to CTB today. I had my plan for the longest and I finally had intent. I took them all out, counted them to make sure I had everything I needed, grabbed two bottles of water. Then when it actually came to the moment - I just fucking stared at the pills. Couldn't bring myself to open the bottle. Like my mind just shorted out or something. I'm so fucking angry at myself, and embarrassed, too. I really underestimated SI. I thought acceptance alone was enough.

How do I overcome this? I plan to get drunk tonight but I'm scared that won't be enough.

No shit. The mind numbs out and forgets all of the pain and ugh..I need to kick the chair. I'm sorry for your pain.

 

[Allpainnogain]

oh yeah, since then I've done better research and decided on night night instead. This method is just way too risky, and now I realize it that was pretty impulsive despite having researched the amount of pills I needed before hand. Even if I actually took the pills it'd take me a few days to die and I'd already have been rescued, unless I went out into some weird forest or something, and even then my parents would probably try to have the cops find me.

I hate that this is so hard

 

[fister]

Given the case reports and surveys in the medical literature about other antihistimanes I have low confidence in hydroxyzine.

This is in my rx collection but I've never even considered it.

 

[joshe]

Survival instinct doesn't kick in when you are drinking something fairly palatable or cover the taste