I think it's difficult to go through with ctb after spending a lot of time deciding on a ctb method.
The difficulty isn't because of wanting to live or fearing death. The fear is entirely about the possibility of a painful transition to death, the dying phase.
For example, firearms is a instant method, and if it works out as planned, it's perfect with the exception of the mess it leaves behind. It's perfect because until you pull the trigger there's no pain, no commitment, you can easily put it away as if nothing happened, but if you pull the trigger, it's instant lights out, gone, no pain.
But because of fears about it, maybe not going as planned, maybe missing the brain stem, maybe I end up having to bleed to death in extreme pain.
But I think this fear is paranoid and not based on logic or science. Research says that damaging the brain stem will 100% of the time result in unconsciousness and you'll bleed out and die without feeling anything at all. And with a 12 gauge shotgun with slugs it should be practically impossible to miss the brain stem, because even if the slug doesn't hit, the shockwave is so great that the whole brain is certainly destroyed together with the brain stem. And statistically only 5% of shotgun ctb attempts have failed, this includes those who use bird shot and who didn't aim from inside their mouth.
So, logically I have nothing to fear, but I still can't help being scared of something going wrong even if it practically can't.
It's the same thing with long drop hanging, it's another method I have spent a lot of time researching and considering. It may even be better than firearm method because it leaves less of a mess behind, and is very easy to prepare for. It's similar to firearm because it's an instant method, although it's much more inconvenient to setup and then abort because most people don't have high enough ceiling, so have to go somewhere isolated out door where people won't pass by for a few hours, and you need a ladder, rope which have to be tied to for example a strong branch, then you have to tie your hands behind your back so your survival instincts don't ruin the drop by trying to grab a hold of the rope as you're falling, that's a lot of work to undo every time I would try to go through with it.
Short info about what long drop hanging is (because there isn't much info about it in SS, most hanging info in SS is about suspension hanging):
So, the lengthy drop is going to cause the spinal cord to be ripped from the brain which causes instant unconsciousness which means it's a painless method. Every single documented long drop hanging in history has resulted in instant unconsciousness unless something like the rope broke (sometimes intentionally).
So, logically there is no reason to fear this method, but still can't help fearing I somehow don't lose unconsciousness instantly and then have a painful death.
So, this topic is about overcoming those fears which are not logical.
I think what I need is to just spend a large enough amount of time at the "edge" where I just need to for example pull the trigger or kick the ladder, and one of those days it happens and can't be undone. But the difficulty of not having easy access to a nearby location for hanging, and no firearm means I can't get that time in. A firearm would be easy to get that time in with, because I can do it inside my apt. But it's very difficult to get a firearm. If I felt more confident that I could easily do it without fear of something going wrong if I had a powerful enough firearm then I would put more effort into acquiring it, but even then it would probably take me a year and lots of time.
But this strategy of spending time at the "edge" doesn't work so well for hanging method because it takes so much work and time to set it all up every time. So I need to be able to go through with hanging the first or second time I set everything up. It's just too much work to do it for example 100 times. I think long drop hanging is more viable if you live secluded with trees around, where you can do it in your yard. So I would have to overcome my fears before going out and spending a whole night in a forest setting it all up.
The difficulty isn't because of wanting to live or fearing death. The fear is entirely about the possibility of a painful transition to death, the dying phase.
For example, firearms is a instant method, and if it works out as planned, it's perfect with the exception of the mess it leaves behind. It's perfect because until you pull the trigger there's no pain, no commitment, you can easily put it away as if nothing happened, but if you pull the trigger, it's instant lights out, gone, no pain.
But because of fears about it, maybe not going as planned, maybe missing the brain stem, maybe I end up having to bleed to death in extreme pain.
But I think this fear is paranoid and not based on logic or science. Research says that damaging the brain stem will 100% of the time result in unconsciousness and you'll bleed out and die without feeling anything at all. And with a 12 gauge shotgun with slugs it should be practically impossible to miss the brain stem, because even if the slug doesn't hit, the shockwave is so great that the whole brain is certainly destroyed together with the brain stem. And statistically only 5% of shotgun ctb attempts have failed, this includes those who use bird shot and who didn't aim from inside their mouth.
So, logically I have nothing to fear, but I still can't help being scared of something going wrong even if it practically can't.
It's the same thing with long drop hanging, it's another method I have spent a lot of time researching and considering. It may even be better than firearm method because it leaves less of a mess behind, and is very easy to prepare for. It's similar to firearm because it's an instant method, although it's much more inconvenient to setup and then abort because most people don't have high enough ceiling, so have to go somewhere isolated out door where people won't pass by for a few hours, and you need a ladder, rope which have to be tied to for example a strong branch, then you have to tie your hands behind your back so your survival instincts don't ruin the drop by trying to grab a hold of the rope as you're falling, that's a lot of work to undo every time I would try to go through with it.
Short info about what long drop hanging is (because there isn't much info about it in SS, most hanging info in SS is about suspension hanging):
So, the lengthy drop is going to cause the spinal cord to be ripped from the brain which causes instant unconsciousness which means it's a painless method. Every single documented long drop hanging in history has resulted in instant unconsciousness unless something like the rope broke (sometimes intentionally).
So, logically there is no reason to fear this method, but still can't help fearing I somehow don't lose unconsciousness instantly and then have a painful death.
So, this topic is about overcoming those fears which are not logical.
I think what I need is to just spend a large enough amount of time at the "edge" where I just need to for example pull the trigger or kick the ladder, and one of those days it happens and can't be undone. But the difficulty of not having easy access to a nearby location for hanging, and no firearm means I can't get that time in. A firearm would be easy to get that time in with, because I can do it inside my apt. But it's very difficult to get a firearm. If I felt more confident that I could easily do it without fear of something going wrong if I had a powerful enough firearm then I would put more effort into acquiring it, but even then it would probably take me a year and lots of time.
But this strategy of spending time at the "edge" doesn't work so well for hanging method because it takes so much work and time to set it all up every time. So I need to be able to go through with hanging the first or second time I set everything up. It's just too much work to do it for example 100 times. I think long drop hanging is more viable if you live secluded with trees around, where you can do it in your yard. So I would have to overcome my fears before going out and spending a whole night in a forest setting it all up.
