Help How to overcome guilt from CTB.

[Tasdevil]

I want to CTB but I keep feeling guilty about my decision to CTB. I have been living for others for years now and I can't do it anymore. I feel comfortable with my choice to end it all in the next few months or sooner. I just don't know how to overcome the feeling of guilt. I have my method worked out already which is SN. I am comfortable knowing that I want to CTB. The guilty feeling is just horrible and something I need to overcome to achieve my own peace. I want to leave with no regrets or anxiety about what effect my death will have on others close to me. I don't fear dying I will welcome death. Just feeling conflicted I guess. I don't think I will be able to afford a hotel room to CTB. I would like to be in my own bed when I am ready to go. my reason to CTB is suffering from PTSD and major depression. I have had been to therapy and I am on meds that don't work and my doctor won't change my meds. I have been living through PTSD and depression since I was a teenager the last decade though my mental health just went totally out of control which lead to substance abuse. I have been wanting to CTB for years but I hanging myself or jumping scared me to even try to attempt to CBT. i Want my final act in life to be for myself and not anyone else. sorry if people have answered a similar post to this one. i will have my SN very soon I just need to get meto and antacid.

 

[one4all]

I want to CTB but I keep feeling guilty about my decision to CTB.

If you find a way please let us know how to do this!

 

[SimplyTopHat]

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through... it must be hard to live with with those diagnoses, &to feel you're living for others; it sounds incredibly lonely.

Also, I'm floored that your DR won't allow you to change meds. I didn't even know they had that power. That would make me feel hopeless, I can imagine how it feels to you.

 

[Esc9434]

Well... I don't know your situation. Do you have people that depend on you?

You can start pushing them towards independence that doesn't involve you over the next few months that doesn't cause guilt.

When that time comes, leave a detailed note telling everyone how much you loved them and how you could not go on living.

 

[Tasdevil]

Well... I don't know your situation. Do you have people that depend on you?

You can start pushing them towards independence that doesn't involve you over the next few months that doesn't cause guilt.

When that time comes, leave a detailed note telling everyone how much you loved them and how you could not go on living.

Yes I do have someone who is dependant on me. maybe that's causing me to feel guilt. I have been pushing friends away for the last few weeks now.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Not yelling here, just having a strong response from my heart and my gut, a way of responding I always trust, it is very centered, a little alarmed, and firm, if that makes sense:

CHANGE DOCTORS.

About guilt. Guilt is not an emotion, it is a message. It is not on your side, it is on someone else's side. It is not focused on your best interest, it is focused on someone or something else's, often a cultural myth about sacrificing for others and being a negated martyr. I am not saying, Here's your ctb pass. I would suspect that it is a layer, so recognizing and releasing the guilt message will reveal more info. In my experience, this stuff needs to be uncovered to make a rational and informed decision. I highly recommend the book Boundaries, lots of good stuff in there about guilt, what to own and what not to own, actual responsibility to others vs. them draining your inner resources, etc. (The authors are a bit their-sh*t-don't-stink preachy, and they try to make psychology biblical, but there's some solid stuff in that book.)

Okay, off my soapbox now. Hope it didn't seem like I was talking at you instead of to you. I just recognize some stuff here and I'm very much on your side. I get strong when I'm like that, not at you, but at boundary attacks, so my response is that I want to give you a shield, I guess my strength and my voice are the substitute. But I also recognize your autonomy and right to self-definition and self-determination, so I'll step down off the box, lower the shield, and go back to practicing controlling my own sh*t.

Sending much respect and compassion.