S
SpaxeZ
Member
- Feb 28, 2021
- 70
My life is not worth living but I still feel like I'll lose on life if I commit suicide. I'm suicidal 24/7. It's due to a male issue dysfunction and makes my life hell and super lonely. Many things trigger my suicidal emotions like going outside and seeing couples. I keep reviewing my life and every decision I ever made. I'm 25 and feel like there is more I can do. Like I did lots of travelling and there are still places I'd like to visit before death. Even though my suicidality and depression made it hard to enjoy much still suicide still doesn't feel right but then again I'm mentally and emotionally suffering. I blame myself so much. Could have done better. Not all of it was my fault though. I have constant nightmares waking up and can't believe this has happened to me. My life's a nightmare.
Despite all of this I still find it hard to commit. Not knowing what lies after. Total nothingness seems good as I won't even realise I'm dead it's just absence of experiencing. It can be scary as I'll lose on life but it's better to be dead than going through what I'm going right now. Some even talk about NDEs and we might continue experiencing in another realm. Those can be hallucinations. Either way the reason for all this crap on my mind is not having access to a reliable method. Have I had that I'd been gone long ago.
Despite all of this I still find it hard to commit. Not knowing what lies after. Total nothingness seems good as I won't even realise I'm dead it's just absence of experiencing. It can be scary as I'll lose on life but it's better to be dead than going through what I'm going right now. Some even talk about NDEs and we might continue experiencing in another realm. Those can be hallucinations. Either way the reason for all this crap on my mind is not having access to a reliable method. Have I had that I'd been gone long ago.