How to "love" yourself?

[_Minsk]

I've heard it quite often but what do people mean by loving yourself?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it actually does make sense. If not love- at least respect I would say. Someone who feels no worth, no respect, no love for themselves I imagine will be more likely to tolerate abuse from others- because they don't think they deserve better. Also- constantly seeking validation from another person may end up being exhausting and irritating for them. Plus, I imagine it could well lead to co-dependence on another which could end disasterously if they leave or, if they are abusive/manipulative.

I think having love for yourself (obviously not a narcissistic, excessive amount) is simply a defense mechanism. It hopefully makes you less willing to be abused by others and it also means you can be self sufficient emotionally to some extent.

In terms of how to achieve it though... It's probably harder if you haven't had it instilled in childhood I imagine. My upbringing was strict but very loving. I was taught to respect myself. That I had rights, as much as everyone else.

I think probably forgiveness is a big thing. So many people here say they hate themselves. Which is so sad. I think maybe we've all acted in ways we feel ashamed of at some point. But, I think it's important to analyse why we reacted like that. Was it a defensive response? Why have we turned out the way we have? Was there abuse or neglect or abandonment in childhood? We couldn't help those things. So- I think that's one way of feeling more compassion towards yourself. Kind of to feel sorry for that person at that point but also be mindful of how it influences the person you are now and- if you don't like that person, I suppose think more before you act.

Weirdly though, I think hating what you have become is in a way, a form of self love. It's an acknowledgement that you could and should have become other than you are. That suggests an underlying knowledge of self worth to me. I'd say self worth is similar to self love. Self love I think is about being your own (loving, caring) parental/ teacher/ coach so you can sustain yourself in the rough patches.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I hate being told this all the freaking time like I can't take two steps outside or get two words out of a vent without somebody telling me I need to love myself first and then everything will suddenly magically become okay. Did anyone ever stop to consider what the people who actually love themselves too much look like? So much of what's wrong with the world as it is happens BECAUSE of people who love themselves and less so the people who don't.

But maybe I'm the last person to be talking about this since, as has been made excessively clear, I have absolutely no love for myself. In fact, I have nothing but spite, malice, contempt, and any other negative feelings for the person whose soul I embody. Why? Because this is the asshole who ruined my life and constantly does things to hurt himself (me) but more importantly he also hurts those around him for no good reason other than because he's a selfish prick. Because I am this selfish prick though I only really care more about the terrible things he's done to me specifically but I am aware that the only way to stop him (me) from causing more harm is by killing me (him).

They say you should not have to be forced to forgive your bullies/abusers and that's correct. So then why do some of these same people insist that I should also be forced to forgive myself for all the terrible things I've done and will do? It just doesn't make sense to me. It always feels like I'm split between two identical personalities that equally hate each other. I can never tell which one I am all I know is that I hate the other me and the current me I am occupying simultaneously. I know a lot of people like to throw out advice like "just go exercise, get fit and then maybe you'll finally be confident in yourself". No I won't. I already think that people who love to prattle on about the gym and its benefits are super annoying so if anything I'd hate myself even more even if I somehow became ridiculously swole, especially so in that case.

I'm sorry if I am doing the opposite of helping. I honestly don't think you or really almost anyone else could possibly be as bad or evil as me and thus I think that alone is reason enough that you have more worth and value than I do. You, whoever you are, because you are not me, have all the reason in the world to be loving yourself while I am stuck with no good reason at all to do so.

 

[The Ninth God]

I can't say what it means to others, but I can tell you what it means for me.

Self-love = understanding and acceptance of yourself, both your pros and cons, realizing that no one is perfect.

I'm an asshole, lunatic, talkative and extremely aggressive, but I "love" it because it's what makes me who I am. I was scared of myself when I was younger, but then I realized that there was nothing wrong with my nature and I accepted it, cherished it. I started to see myself as my best friend, always there in difficult times; this is how I found the strength to fight alone during my depression. I saved myself, took my hand and lifted myself off the ground. I still do the same today if I fall on the battlefield.

 

[TooConscious]

I am trying to practice self compassion which can be difficult when caregivers have even put us down and if you've learned self defeatist traits it's challenging.

 

[restless.dreams]

Weirdly though, I think hating what you have become is in a way, a form of self love. It's an acknowledgement that you could and should have become other than you are. That suggests an underlying knowledge of self worth to me.

That's really interesting, I never thought about it that way.