how to let go of anger and hatred

[nosurpries]

i have always tried to find the good in people and looked for love in the world. i want to stop being so cynical, i want to stop feeling so envious and angry to the people around me. i am never outwardly rude to people but i feel such hatred to people i used to know, to people that have done things years ago. how do i stop? how do i become more grateful for what i have when i feel like i have so little? how do i let go of how i feel i've been wronged by people or wronged by society? how do i stop being so envious of things i will never have?

anyone relate? anyone have advice?

 

[worst.therapist]

i tried to punch things, waste the 'anger energy" on activities like running or w/e, nothing worked

but all my anger, different from yours, was focused on me, even when someone did something bad to me, i only could blame myself for believing on them or for being in that situation

ur post made me remember something... on one of my classes a teacher said "anger and injustice walk together".. idk why but that clearead my mind alittle

by therapy i could understand alot of those feelings and why i was directioning them to me, worked pretty well

i still hates myself, but a lot less than before

can u tell us what in people makes you feel angry or envious? or what they did to you? i feel like this is important

 

[want2dienow]

for me it was FK. And I do mean that literally. i've tried many things, hobbies and switching industries, but the one thing that has always been me was writing, scenario writing, but because i hadn't wrote in a long time before now, ii didnt think i could do it as well. it wasn't until after meeting ryan did i manage to, let go of that resentment towards the other one. (2020/2021 rears its ugly head)
but ask me now and you'll be surprised that what i feel about the other one even so.

 

[nosurpries]

i tried to punch things, waste the 'anger energy" on activities like running or w/e, nothing worked

but all my anger, different from yours, was focused on me, even when someone did something bad to me, i only could blame myself for believing on them or for being in that situation

ur post made me remember something... on one of my classes a teacher said "anger and injustice walk together".. idk why but that clearead my mind alittle

by therapy i could understand alot of those feelings and why i was directioning them to me, worked pretty well

i still hates myself, but a lot less than before

can u tell us what in people makes you feel angry or envious? or what they did to you? i feel like this is important

i think this is good advice, journaling has helped me in the past, working out not so much since i get so fatigued when i'm depressed.

mostly i feel angry towards old friends of mine that i was always excluded by, i have always been chronically 2nd choice at every point in my life. i feel envious of people my age that are enjoying their lives and being socialable and generally happy because i know that i will never have that. i was cruelly bullied and gossiped about because of my mental health and it was awful. i feel so angry at how i was mistreated and sometimes so mad at myself for not standing up for myself and instead just choosing to isolate away from everyone. people can just be so unempathic and mean and it makes me hateful.

"anger and injustice walk together" thank you for sharing this... i find it true aswell.

 

[timf]

Holding on to or even feeding hate stokes the fires of bitterness and causes us to poison our own life. Toxic people and the injuries they cause are best left in the dust of the past. They say that the best education in the world comes from the school of hard knocks. The problem is the "tuition" is so high.

You are probably much more skilled at quickly identifying toxic people and thus better able to avoid them now.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

No good advice, but I definitely relate, especially to always being the second choice. I'm most often invisible until I can be used. I'm sorry to hear people have been so shit to you.

But I guess I'd say try to keep in mind, really internalize that you don't need it, because it's unproductive and hurts you. Or you can write out something really hateful and angsty to get it off your chest, as I've done before. I think everyone processes differently. And idk if you're as petty as me, but 'let go' of the grudges out of spite to the people who bullied you. Because they obviously wanted a reaction then, and indifference would piss them off the most, even if they're long out of your life. Healthy or not, I do a lot of things out of spite.

I hope you can find a way to diminish the feeling eventually.

 

[nosurpries]

No good advice, but I definitely relate, especially to always being the second choice. I'm most often invisible until I can be used. I'm sorry to hear people have been so shit to you.

But I guess I'd say try to keep in mind, really internalize that you don't need it, because it's unproductive and hurts you. Or you can write out something really hateful and angsty to get it off your chest, as I've done before. I think everyone processes differently. And idk if you're as petty as me, but 'let go' of the grudges out of spite to the people who bullied you. Because they obviously wanted a reaction then, and indifference would piss them off the most, even if they're long out of your life. Healthy or not, I do a lot of things out of spite.

I hope you can find a way to diminish the feeling eventually.

i am the type to self isolate really badly, which is bad mostly, however it has kept me completely no contact so that's actually good. my biggest issue is social media bruh, i hate watch and stalk people on social media it makes me so depressed.

i've taken steps in the right direction, i moved objects and clothes related to bad memories into a box in my shed (out of sight out of mind) it helped. i really need to unfollow and block all of it out of my feed but it feels impossible. trying to stay optimistic that i will be able to just uninstall all of it off my phone one day, it doesn't do me any good.

being a second choice is a pain like nothing else, it makes me feel worthless but also ungrateful at the same time. i am sorry that you relate but your reply did bring me some comfort that i am not alone in this, so thank you. journaling helps but these days i barely know where to start and i feel so dumb, like it's all my fault anyways, because thats what i was made to believe in the first place. i will move on from this, i don't have any other option if i want to try to give myself any kind of fair shot at life, i need to start thinking more positively, and i am optimistic that i will. all it takes is effort right? i like to believe so. hopefully.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

Its hard, I can relate so much. I have so much hatred for all of the people that have wronged me over my life span and the world as a whole. Maybe not forgive, but to forget the fuckers who have hurt you. And to try and move on and focus on yourself, thats the main thing.

 

[hamvil]

i have always tried to find the good in people and looked for love in the world. i want to stop being so cynical, i want to stop feeling so envious and angry to the people around me. i am never outwardly rude to people but i feel such hatred to people i used to know, to people that have done things years ago. how do i stop? how do i become more grateful for what i have when i feel like i have so little? how do i let go of how i feel i've been wronged by people or wronged by society? how do i stop being so envious of things i will never have?

anyone relate? anyone have advice?

I feel a lot of hatred towards people that wronged me, no matter of small or big that is. I plot how to get back at them, how to make some post on social network that will embarrass them. Some of these things did backfire on me in the past and are the part of the cause of my current situation.

I also feel the need to fix all the things that people have done to me but I do not know how. Maybe I should not even have such obsessive ideas in mind. I do not know how to get past them or work around them however. Sorry for not being able to help but you are not alone in this. I do understand you a lot.

 

[Arrow]

Letting go of anger requires acceptance of the anger's existence. It's part of you the way any other feeling is. Give that feeling a place to stay, give it a bed to sleep on. It is a guest like any other emotion, a thing that will come and go. It will stay with you for a time, and it will be gone for a time. When the anger appears again, be aware of it, and know that it's okay for it to be there. It will show up less and less the more okay you are with it showing up. You control it by not even trying to control it. You can't control a wave, but you can control how you paddle your boat when you see a wave coming.

 

[hamvil]

i have always tried to find the good in people and looked for love in the world. i want to stop being so cynical, i want to stop feeling so envious and angry to the people around me. i am never outwardly rude to people but i feel such hatred to people i used to know, to people that have done things years ago. how do i stop? how do i become more grateful for what i have when i feel like i have so little? how do i let go of how i feel i've been wronged by people or wronged by society? how do i stop being so envious of things i will never have?

anyone relate? anyone have advice?

I ruined my life because of this. I ruminate about things happened 10 years ago and I cannot forgive people even for small wrongdoings. I keep feeling anger at other people and this left me alone and without friends. I vent on social networks and I lost my job for this. Still, I keep writing crap on twitter, maybe I need the police to finally stop myself. I feel envious of any little accomplishment of friends and colleagues and I cannot feel happy for them instead.

I do not know how to get out of this. I tried therapy but it does not work. I do not know what is wrong with me.

Letting go of anger requires acceptance of the anger's existence. It's part of you the way any other feeling is. Give that feeling a place to stay, give it a bed to sleep on. It is a guest like any other emotion, a thing that will come and go. It will stay with you for a time, and it will be gone for a time. When the anger appears again, be aware of it, and know that it's okay for it to be there. It will show up less and less the more okay you are with it showing up. You control it by not even trying to control it. You can't control a wave, but you can control how you paddle your boat when you see a wave coming.

I really cannot control it. It appears without notice sometime and I start screaming at people without any control. Other times I find myself writing crap on socials. I typically regret it the day after and promise not to do it again. Still I am doing this right now on twitter and I cannot stop.

 

[Hollowillow]

i have always tried to find the good in people and looked for love in the world. i want to stop being so cynical, i want to stop feeling so envious and angry to the people around me. i am never outwardly rude to people but i feel such hatred to people i used to know, to people that have done things years ago. how do i stop? how do i become more grateful for what i have when i feel like i have so little? how do i let go of how i feel i've been wronged by people or wronged by society? how do i stop being so envious of things i will never have?

anyone relate? anyone have advice?

Don't but turn it into art? I make comics.

If you didn't go no contact with narcissists, do it.

I'm jealous too... I focus on suicide... I think envy might be better, might motivate to reach for it.

 

[Jimblue]

I used to feel angry and hate about certain things but during the age growing. I feel there is anything I can do apart of let it go. I feel I am ready to go to new journey now so there is no point to me to be angry or hate anyone now.

 

[Tiberius85]

You're attached - and out of that comes your anger - to external matters that are not, or certainly not entirely, in your power and control. What other people do or say is nothing under our control.

Wanting things that are not in our power, being attached to those external things - whether that's other people, money, reputation, job.... - triggers the anger in us. All we can do, though is, focus on what is truly up to us, how to react to whatever happens right now and do the right thing.

In short: focus on what you have under your control: your actions and thoughts. Let go and be indifferent about all that isn't.

This 'philosophy' is not an easy thing to live by, of course. It requires practising it, as it becomes more naturally to see whatever happens in this way.

I can truly recommend the Meditations from Marcus Aurelius. I find it helpful in bad moments, just to pick it up, read one or two pages and feel more grounded again being reminded and mindful of my actions and thoughts.