How do you know when you really , truly want to die, or when you just want the pain to stop? Is there even a difference?
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
I've never been nihilistic, for me it's always been about wanting the pain to stop, or being up against something painful that felt insurmountable.
When I was 12, I had food poisoning and was in so much pain, I wanted to die -- I wanted the pain to stop.
When I was in my twenties, there was something about myself that was totally okay but I couldn't accept because I knew if my parents found out, they would disown me -- it was painful and felt insurmountable. But that was a suicidal urge that passed pretty quickly.
I would say the latter describes my current situation, incredibly painful and likely insurmountable. I don't want to die, but the situation (I don't talk about it) is getting less and less tolerable.
When I was 12, I had food poisoning and was in so much pain, I wanted to die -- I wanted the pain to stop.
When I was in my twenties, there was something about myself that was totally okay but I couldn't accept because I knew if my parents found out, they would disown me -- it was painful and felt insurmountable. But that was a suicidal urge that passed pretty quickly.
I would say the latter describes my current situation, incredibly painful and likely insurmountable. I don't want to die, but the situation (I don't talk about it) is getting less and less tolerable.
death137
miserable
- Jun 25, 2020
- 1,166
Most suicidal ppl if not all don't want to die but just want the pain to stop. Suicide solves all problems but for most of us its mentally very hard to do the act. This is why those who successfully suicide are the brave ones.
I honestly hate this narrative about wanting the pain to stop and not really wanting to die. That is the erroneous disposition my doctors make. I survived one attempt and I will do it for real soon because I want to die. There is nothing here that I want
death137
miserable
- Jun 25, 2020
- 1,166
Maybe that is the case for you and few others but for most they only want the pain to stop.
AngelGirl
Cat
- May 18, 2019
- 167
I think it's something you ask your self.
Do you wish your pain, whether it's physical or emotional, was gone?
If yes, I think then you actually wish things get better for you. But you might just want to kill yourself because that's the only possible option and better options are not available.
If you wish anything, like if you wish you were healthy, wealthy enough, etc. Then you actually want a better life. Sadly having a better life is not always an option so you might want to resort to the second best option which is just ending it all.
death137
miserable
- Jun 25, 2020
- 1,166
Have you not heard the saying that people who suicide are same as ppl who jump from a burning building?
Sensei
剣道家
- Nov 4, 2019
- 6,336
I personally think that you really want to die when you no longer feel any fear of dying, i.e. when your desire to stop the pain is stronger than your fear of ceasing to exist. However, this can of course be temporary. You can for instance can be in a state of emotional instability or have a bipolar depressive episode which will pass.
That implies the lesser of two evils, but it's not always absolute like that. i didn't consent to be being born and I don't consent to life.
demuic
Life was a mistake
- Sep 12, 2020
- 1,383
It isn't possible to stop my "pain", because that would require fundamental changes to the nature of humanity and the world that are literally impossible.
OminousVaL
VaL
- Jul 31, 2020
- 162
For me existence is just dull I suppose. I am not sure if I feel the direct want to die but the desire to cease my senses is consistent. I have no problems with consciousness in of itself but it seems the most peaceful state of being requires cutting that off along with everything else.
You probably wont ask a question like this if your truly ready to ctb.....
Going Home
Specialist
- Sep 21, 2018
- 357
I think there's a difference. For me it's when I have been attacked from every direction. It seems like they won't stop til I die anyway. I don't enjoy suffering.
I'm always astounded by people who are able to take that final step. For me I feel like I'm in purgatory like I want so bad to go but I have this little hope that maybe things will get better, despite evidence that it never does lol.
greyhound
Arcanist
- Oct 8, 2020
- 471
I don't really want to die, just stop the pain. I find myself envying random people even if they are seemingly average with crap jobs. I'm ill and my body feels like a prison. But give me a healthy body and I'd be fine living. Plenty of interesting things to do in the world.
I doubt many people are truly completely sick of life, only their circumstances. Are you telling me you most people on here wouldn't swap lives/bodies/minds with some rich celebrity (getting rid of physical/mental illness in the process)?
I mean we live in this amazing time with easy global travel, instant access to anything you want to read, etc. It's not like we're living in the paleolithic bashing rocks together all day long. I find it really unfortunate that I am driven to CTB while living in this age.
I would venture only maybe the very elderly are legitimately world weary. My grandfather had a DNR order put in place but he was mid 90s. Even he might have taken more years of life if he could somehow get a young healthy body.
I doubt many people are truly completely sick of life, only their circumstances. Are you telling me you most people on here wouldn't swap lives/bodies/minds with some rich celebrity (getting rid of physical/mental illness in the process)?
I mean we live in this amazing time with easy global travel, instant access to anything you want to read, etc. It's not like we're living in the paleolithic bashing rocks together all day long. I find it really unfortunate that I am driven to CTB while living in this age.
I would venture only maybe the very elderly are legitimately world weary. My grandfather had a DNR order put in place but he was mid 90s. Even he might have taken more years of life if he could somehow get a young healthy body.
TheSomebody
...
- Sep 28, 2020
- 283
You are literally making the most drastic decision of your life and going against a whole defense mechanism your body has. You will never be sure I think, anything can happen in your mind to stop you.
AngelGirl
Cat
- May 18, 2019
- 167
I honestly agree. If you were filthy rich and you can buy everything you want and do everything you want. If you were in a position of power that you can make people whatever you want for you, you could easily get young and attractive women, or men, etc. Then I think you would want to live forever. I remember reading about a Chinese emperor who wanted to have an eternal life but actually died rather young.
Would a person like Donald Trump want to kill himself? I think he is the type of person who would want to live forever if it was possible.
elfgyoza
Cursed
- Aug 5, 2019
- 326
Personally, no I wouldn't want to swap places with some rich celebrity. I know I'm probably a minority in this respect but I reckon there's a few here like me.
Being a different person wouldn't change how I view the world. I doubt I'd have the same issues as I do now but being rich also doesn't eliminate mental illness. You wouldn't have the stress that comes with financial strain, but celebrities have to deal with being in the public eye 24/7, everything they say is judged online, and some people say super nasty things about them. I doubt I'd be able to deal with that, I'd be on edge on all the time and I wouldn't be able to take all the criticism.
You seem like you have an overall positive view of the current world which is cool. I can see some good stuff, but I'm also quite pessimistic and I lack hope for the future. I tend to focus on the negatives, which just makes me angry at society. I'm all for trading my years for your grandfather though! Wish that were possible.
Money only buys happiness to a certain extent. You'd no longer have to worry about the day to day living costs, but every other issue is still there. Idk what most people would say about 'getting young and attractive women, or men etc.', but as an aromantic asexual that's the last thing I'd be thinking of lmao.
If having money automatically fixed everyone's problems then no celebrities would ever commit suicide
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A lot of celebs also have mental health issues, including addiction. Celebrities committing suicide is not unheard of, by no means.
imdone1
Member
- Oct 11, 2020
- 27
Exactly. It misrepresents an enermous amount of people who have ctb or want to ctb. I honestly hate it so much, I quite literally want to die and that's it.
For me its hard. Im scared to die but at the same time i want to so badly..... But i dont. It makes no since. Honestly i just want to end my sadness and i feel ctb is the only way. I recently got put on some medication. It was hard for me to admit i needed it but i did amd so now i want to see if it will by some miracle fix my brain. I read that depression has a lot to do with seratonin in our brains and this medication is supposed to fix it. I figure i give it a chance while also taking care of my last deeds a will etc. If it works yay if not i ctb.
So like someone said i dont wanna die but i feel its the only to end mg mental anguish and sadness. I think of it almost if not daily now whereas before it was here and there. I think thats why i feel the feeling and want might not go away...
When i go i dont mind doing a live for people to have a better understanding. It may help some to make up their minds
So like someone said i dont wanna die but i feel its the only to end mg mental anguish and sadness. I think of it almost if not daily now whereas before it was here and there. I think thats why i feel the feeling and want might not go away...
When i go i dont mind doing a live for people to have a better understanding. It may help some to make up their minds
jisatsuko
自殺こさん
- Jun 27, 2020
- 21
I'd say that it really depends.
Let's say you just want the pain to end. Okay, let's say the the pain ends. Do you want to CTB anymore?
Wanting to die is the matter of not caring if the pain ends, simple as is, you just want to die. Or, imo.
If you want the pain to stop, it's likely there's something in your environment that's causing this pain. If this is the case, I don't exactly recommend CTB if the environment can (emphasis on can) be changed. However, I'm not talking you out of it or encouraging you, rather giving advice.
If your environment isn't the problem, the choice is up to you, whatever satisfies you I think would be the best choice.
Let's say you just want the pain to end. Okay, let's say the the pain ends. Do you want to CTB anymore?
Wanting to die is the matter of not caring if the pain ends, simple as is, you just want to die. Or, imo.
If you want the pain to stop, it's likely there's something in your environment that's causing this pain. If this is the case, I don't exactly recommend CTB if the environment can (emphasis on can) be changed. However, I'm not talking you out of it or encouraging you, rather giving advice.
If your environment isn't the problem, the choice is up to you, whatever satisfies you I think would be the best choice.
AnotherBrick
Member
- Jun 25, 2020
- 47
I know this is kind of segueing into reasons why instead of 'how do you know when', but it's difficult to separate the two, so -
I don't think it's unfair to say many people are looking to escape their pain. Obviously it's a generalization and doesn't cover everyone, but it's a common enough reason that it'd be strange to not acknowledge it. If that's your motivation, then it makes sense that you'll feel 'ready' when you're suffering and with no end in sight.
Another motivator could be, instead of pain, simply a lack of pleasure. Maybe my wording is a bit silly, but I'm talking about a lack of desire to live rather than pain avoidance. Personally, I bounce between the two. If I'm not extraordinarily depressed, then I'm utterly bored. I don't find joy in anything these days and, besides daily chores (work, exercise, etc.), have nothing to fill my life. When you feel purposeless and bored, and life just drudges on, then catching the bus can be tempting.
Personally, the only reason I'm still here is that I'm trying to avoid traumatizing my family. As frustrating as it is sometimes, it's enough in my mind to count as a 'purpose'. Excluding them, the reasons above have been enough to make me feel 'ready' and at peace with moving on. I can't speak for anyone else, but perhaps someone here can relate.
I don't think it's unfair to say many people are looking to escape their pain. Obviously it's a generalization and doesn't cover everyone, but it's a common enough reason that it'd be strange to not acknowledge it. If that's your motivation, then it makes sense that you'll feel 'ready' when you're suffering and with no end in sight.
Another motivator could be, instead of pain, simply a lack of pleasure. Maybe my wording is a bit silly, but I'm talking about a lack of desire to live rather than pain avoidance. Personally, I bounce between the two. If I'm not extraordinarily depressed, then I'm utterly bored. I don't find joy in anything these days and, besides daily chores (work, exercise, etc.), have nothing to fill my life. When you feel purposeless and bored, and life just drudges on, then catching the bus can be tempting.
Personally, the only reason I'm still here is that I'm trying to avoid traumatizing my family. As frustrating as it is sometimes, it's enough in my mind to count as a 'purpose'. Excluding them, the reasons above have been enough to make me feel 'ready' and at peace with moving on. I can't speak for anyone else, but perhaps someone here can relate.
