How to ignore the lie that it gets better?

[harlemriver]

Today i went to uni and then to work. I was miserable the whole time. I'm currently crying at work (i work from home) trying to convince myselft that i can do it. On my way to uni on the bus and when i saw my friends i tought "wait, maybe i can get better." only to smoke an entire pack of cigarretes, weed, and drink something i don't even remember now, and then, stuff myself with junk food. It's always been like it and i know myself, i'm not changing. It'll only get worse, logically. But why? Why do i keep tricking myself to think it'll get better only for it all to worsen again? I want this feeling to go away, I want to stop lying to myself and just do it. How? How do you get rid of it?

 

[HighOctane]

In exactly the same boat, such a shit feeling. I think we deep down all have a feeling that it could get better but when is the question. I just to try and focus on my hobby which is the only time I feel some sense of worth

 

[harlemriver]

In exactly the same boat, such a shit feeling. I think we deep down all have a feeling that it could get better but when is the question. I just to try and focus on my hobby which is the only time I feel some sense of worth

Ikr. Today i was drawing a little and it just felt so peaceful. It's a shame it won't last. Idk if it's our survival instincts or just genuine pleasure but it feels even sadder knowing it won't always be like that. And that the joy that i feel now it's only temporary, as most of my drawings i rip apart. Happens to my relacionships too. Keep focusing on your hobby buddy, you never know when you're gonna get it right, and even if you don't, that's alright. At least we had some good time. I hope you find peace in whatever you choose.

 

[HighOctane]

Ikr. Today i was drawing a little and it just felt so peaceful. It's a shame it won't last. Idk if it's our survival instincts or just genuine pleasure but it feels even sadder knowing it won't always be like that. And that the joy that i feel now it's only temporary, as most of my drawings i rip apart. Happens to my relacionships too. Keep focusing on your hobby buddy, you never know when you're gonna get it right, and even if you don't, that's alright. At least we had some good time. I hope you find peace in whatever you choose.

What type of drawings? Feel free to share them would love to see. Once you feel even the smallest amount of happiness, you'll always think you can get it again. It's what I imagine 'chasing the dragon' is like. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever achieve my dream. All I wanted to do in life was make documentaries and educate about wildlife. I'm writing my own but it almost feels pointless because nothing will come of it

 

[SexyIncél]

Maybe figuring out what real hope looks like? Then you compare it to empty illusory hope — and see how much harder it is to obtain real hope of reducing your suffering enough?

 

[harlemriver]

What type of drawings? Feel free to share them would love to see. Once you feel even the smallest amount of happiness, you'll always think you can get it again. It's what I imagine 'chasing the dragon' is like. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever achieve my dream. All I wanted to do in life was make documentaries and educate about wildlife. I'm writing my own but it almost feels pointless because nothing will come of it

If you're willing to do it even if nothing comes of it, even if it's frustanting, if you had the guts to do it, and do it well done, it'll be enough. That's how i think. I don't think my drawings will ever achieve sucess, but that doesn't bother me, I just draw them, they're mine because they come from me. I'd assume the same goes for your work. If it brings you joy, do it. We don't usually find it. Anyways, there it is, the drawing. It's only a piece of it and the angle isn't good + it has my "name" on it as i'm way too careful abt sharing my art. I just did it mid-class but i still liked id.

Maybe figuring out what real hope looks like? Then you compare it to empty illusory hope — and see how much harder it is to obtain real hope of reducing your suffering enough?

That's actually really clever. But how do i figure it out ? I wonder if there is a definition, like a word on a dicionary. Feels a bit too philosophical to define, i'll still try finding it tho. Thank you! I'll try to update.

 

[numar]

I'm really sorry man :(( I feel the same way I can't even put it into words

 

[g0negirl]

I think the issue is that deep down there's that stupid survival instinct in everyone. That it fights to keep us alive so it says that things will get better. But also humans are creatures of habit I don't think we're gonna get better unless we put the effort in and even then who knows?

 

[FuneralCry]

It's awful how our thoughts can cause us to suffer so much, I see it as something which truly can be so torturous having the ability to exist as a conscious being. I certainly believe in this reality any false hope just exists to lead to more torment once one is forced to confront reality, but to me existing will always be hopeless and undesirable. But anyway it must be tiring being trapped in that situation, I wish you the best.