Help How to go against the instincts of living

[dogbird]

It takes incredible strength to die.
Many people say that it is stronger the one who stays alive than the one who commits suicide.
But I don't believe it. It really takes incredible strength to succeed in dying. We go against all our basic instincts.
It's very hard to go against these damn instincts.
For as long as I can remember I've wanted to die... Or rather I didn't see why I should live if I had a really bad time since I was little.

So I guess I've had depression since forever.
I've been in treatment for many darn years.

Everything has been worse since 2021.... The year my life stopped making complete sense.
And life itself is a very bad joker.
It showed me between 2023 and part of 2024 a little Light. Something beautiful. For the first time I was afraid of dying.
And fucking life took it all away from me overnight in October 2024.
I can't stand it anymore.
I can't stand living.
I have tried many forms of suicide and nothing has worked.
I have my estimate in tatters from so many times I have poisoned myself with pills.
Of course I don't go to the hospital or tell anyone.



I have tried partial suspension lately.
I have a pretty sore neck from it.
But I just can't seem to get it done. It's really frustrating.

I try as hard as I can but when I feel the air stop for a while I get desperate and get up again. I hate this. I hate this instinct to live that we humans have.
I don't really know what to do, I can't stand this pain every day. In the day, at night. It's horrible. I almost don't eat, there's no point in feeding myself anymore. I stopped cooking months ago. But I still eat a little bit even once a day.
Because of the damn survival instinct.

I guess I should try a more violent but effective method?
Guns are illegal in my country so I forget about that.
Getting hold of foreign and dangerous substances is also difficult. Plus I'm broke. I have almost no money.

A total suspension in a forest or maybe throw e on the subway tracks?
Or should I intoxicate myself with drugs?
But with a really high dose.
I have lots and lots of drugs.
Especially levetiracetam and valproate. Because I am epileptic.
I also tend to have a lot of quetiapine. Does any of this help?

 

[VigilanteWithViolin]

Humans have no instincts. To be honest, it's very annoying when people are so unaware of their biological species, of themselves, that they still believe in this nonsense about the existence of our instincts. There is no reproductive instinct, maternal instinct, self-preservation instinct, damn it. This has already been proven many times.

Then why is it so hard to make a final decision and commit ctb? For myself, I explain it this way: either the fear of the unknown after death, or the fear of being disabled after a failed attempt, or an incomplete decision to leave life. Sometimes we don't want to die, we just want a difficult period in life to end, for some kind of illness to end, for us to stop being humiliated or oppressed, it doesn't matter. That is, we want to live in the depths of our soul, just because something that we cannot influence does not allow us to fully enjoy life.

If fear or insecurity prevents you from doing ctb, it's natural, and I think almost everyone have doubts or fear in one way or another. In that case, you can take a break to sort yourself out and understand why it's so hard. As I wrote above, look for the reason not in instinct. If you understand exactly what the problem is, you can either fight it, block it out and do what you want, or fight it, try to change your life as much as possible and learn to enjoy it. Both are difficult. I've seen this before and I have the same problem. In any case, before taking any step, we need to look deep into ourselves, into our minds, if you believe in spirituality, then also into your soul. Try to understand yourself and your feelings for real. Not just "I want to die, but I can't," but to figure out why and whether you really want to die or just want the difficulties in life to end. Because it's completely normal to feel empty and unwilling to live because of long-term difficulties, but at the same time, deep down, you want to live. Ctb is a very radical step, and before you take it, you need to understand if you are really ready. After all, you're doing it once and for all.

I wish you good luck and a quiet time for yourself so that you can think things through and not do things you might regret at the last moment. Best wishes.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I realistically don't think it's possible to, because even in the wild, animals face it everyday, but it's more so normal to them, because they are aware of the meaning of life and death because it's wired in their brain, while humans are developed apes with consciousness and in the form of a human, its so sadly to fear death when you are reprogrammed to, like babies don't fear taking anything… they just do it! Similar to kids, until you're a fully grown adult and you fear death a bit more because your body has developed where all your nerves sense the same thing. I think to only embrace this is to escape and being around people, because it's easy to get traumatized, because people are at the layers of controlling our very narrative, so whose to say isolation can be the only factor of controlling survival instincts, because once your away and in control, the feeling will still be there, of course, but perhaps not as badly, but that's just from what I have known… you just become accustomed to the feeling of pain…

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't think that you can unless if you were to take medications like benzos or be one of those buddhist monks that have managed to get rid of all of their attachments in life and whatever. Unfortunately you'd have to die whilst having those instincts as that's the consequence of being born

 

[NoPoint2Life]

but it's so infuriating when you hear stories on the news and it seems like it came so easily for someone. It's a bad example but what about kids? How do they know exactly what to do and get it done?
No normie has any clue how difficult it actually is.

 

[L'absent]

Humans have no instincts. To be honest, it's very annoying when people are so unaware of their biological species, of themselves, that they still believe in this nonsense about the existence of our instincts. There is no reproductive instinct, maternal instinct, self-preservation instinct, damn it. This has already been proven many times.

Then why is it so hard to make a final decision and commit ctb? For myself, I explain it this way: either the fear of the unknown after death, or the fear of being disabled after a failed attempt, or an incomplete decision to leave life. Sometimes we don't want to die, we just want a difficult period in life to end, for some kind of illness to end, for us to stop being humiliated or oppressed, it doesn't matter. That is, we want to live in the depths of our soul, just because something that we cannot influence does not allow us to fully enjoy life.

If fear or insecurity prevents you from doing ctb, it's natural, and I think almost everyone have doubts or fear in one way or another. In that case, you can take a break to sort yourself out and understand why it's so hard. As I wrote above, look for the reason not in instinct. If you understand exactly what the problem is, you can either fight it, block it out and do what you want, or fight it, try to change your life as much as possible and learn to enjoy it. Both are difficult. I've seen this before and I have the same problem. In any case, before taking any step, we need to look deep into ourselves, into our minds, if you believe in spirituality, then also into your soul. Try to understand yourself and your feelings for real. Not just "I want to die, but I can't," but to figure out why and whether you really want to die or just want the difficulties in life to end. Because it's completely normal to feel empty and unwilling to live because of long-term difficulties, but at the same time, deep down, you want to live. Ctb is a very radical step, and before you take it, you need to understand if you are really ready. After all, you're doing it once and for all.

I wish you good luck and a quiet time for yourself so that you can think things through and not do things you might regret at the last moment. Best wishes.

In fact, human beings have no instincts. Instead, continuing to talk about the survival instinct increases fear which is the real enemy of the success of a good suicide.
An instinct is an innate response, present from birth without the need for learning, universal as it manifests in all individuals of a species, automatic as it activates without awareness, rigid as it follows a predefined and unchanging behavior, and independent of will, requiring no rational decision-making. Examples of true instincts in nature include imprinting, such as chicks following the first moving figure they see, and reproductive behaviors in animals, like birds building nests according to innate patterns. However, what is often called the "instinct of survival" does not meet these characteristics. It is not rigid, as humans can decide to end their own lives; it is not universal, since not everyone reacts the same way in extreme situations; it requires awareness, as survival-related actions are often rational decisions; and it is profoundly influenced by external factors such as culture, personal experiences, social context, and psychological state. Therefore, it is not an instinct but rather a reaction based on fear or complex cognitive processes.

 

[divinemistress36]

I don't think that you can unless if you were to take medications like benzos or be one of those buddhist monks that have managed to get rid of all of their attachments in life and whatever. Unfortunately you'd have to die whilst having those instincts as that's the consequence of being born

It would take a lot of benzos . Just taking a few doesnt take it away

 

[dogbird]

It would take a lot of benzos . Just taking a few doesnt take it away

How much is exactly many benzos?
How many milligrams?
I can find thins like Clonas or Alprazo easily but how much?
A while ago I took 30 mg of Clona and it wasn't enough obviously... I wanted to switch off and sleep for several days.
But how much is enough? 60 mg? 100? 200?

 

[divinemistress36]

How much is exactly many benzos?
How many milligrams?
I can find thins like Clonas or Alprazo easily but how much?
A while ago I took 30 mg of Clona and it wasn't enough obviously... I wanted to switch off and sleep for several days.
But how much is enough? 60 mg? 100? 200?

Depends on the person I have no idea