How to Get Through the Holidays Alone

[starrynighty]

Hello Everyone,

As the title says, how do you get through the holidays alone?

I was wondering if anyone has some experience with this they would be willing to share. I've spent the last three years going to my soon to be ex-wife's family holidays and years before that going to both our families. This year it's going to be me all by myself.

I lost touch with my friends when I came out trans and my family relationship is also very toxic and not an option for me either. I know I won't get invited to either.

I know people say to go volunteer or to make the day special for myself. I can't even think about volunteering when my life is in such disarray and I'm as much of a mess as I am. I'm trying to think about how I could make the day(s) special and to take care of myself but I can't. I can hardly even eat anything alone. I just don't know if I can make it through the holidays.

 

[whywere]

Hi! I have not had a Christmas Holiday dinner or anything , no family/friends gathering since 1973. I used to send it watch television, or reading or taking a nice walk. Then after I got promoted and had a little extra money I would go on holiday to a warm location mas i live in a very frigid place. Now I am laid off so I will go back to television and now internet.

My heart goes out to you as I feel for you on your predicament, BUT one can go to the food store and pick out something yummy, and then go from there. One can call someone, get on the net and "talk" to someone or I have in the past on walks met folks, said hi and had a nice chat with them.

Reminds me of in the mid 80's I told my brother and sister that I would show up for Christmas dinner and when their saw me driving into their driveway, they put everything away and did not even offer me a glass of water all afternoon. I got the message to stay the heck away!

I am around and feel free to pm me if you would like.

Sending you lots of hugs and lovely weather.

Friends always,

Walter

 

[RockBot]

Jeez Walter. To read this is truly heartbreaking. It's driven me to tears.

 

[starrynighty]

Hi! I have not had a Christmas Holiday dinner or anything , no family/friends gathering since 1973. I used to send it watch television, or reading or taking a nice walk. Then after I got promoted and had a little extra money I would go on holiday to a warm location mas i live in a very frigid place. Now I am laid off so I will go back to television and now internet.

My heart goes out to you as I feel for you on your predicament, BUT one can go to the food store and pick out something yummy, and then go from there. One can call someone, get on the net and "talk" to someone or I have in the past on walks met folks, said hi and had a nice chat with them.

Reminds me of in the mid 80's I told my brother and sister that I would show up for Christmas dinner and when their saw me driving into their driveway, they put everything away and did not even offer me a glass of water all afternoon. I got the message to stay the heck away!

I am around and feel free to pm me if you would like.

Sending you lots of hugs and lovely weather.

Friends always,

Walter

Your story brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry you've had to endure such a rough time with the holidays. Thank you for your insight and for sharing your story. -Lily

 

[Celerity]

I won't pretend to relate to being disowned by family. I do know what it's like to suffer from loneliness though, and I can share some things that have worked to help get my mind off of the feelings of rejection and alienation.

1. Do you play video games? While movies and literature are great for escapism, I find that they can exacerbate loneliness. Even I successfully become immersed into the story, I can be kicked right back out into the problems of my life if I find myself relating to a character with a sad story or, on the flip side, envying a character who has everything I want but can't have. You find the right videogame - FPS, racing, strategy, puzzles are good options here - you don't have to think about jack shit; you just zero in on the tasks of the game and forget everything that matters for a while. There are cheap options on PC through Steam, but specs can be an impediment even with "indie" games with low graphics. Used consoles can be had on Craigslist or eBay for cheap, and you can get a few games thrown in too. I got an original Xbox with a controller and multiple games for $30-40 a few years back.
2. Driving on country roads is actually my go-to stress relief. Gas prices being as they are, this may be cost-prohibitive for you, but if you can afford to burn a gallon, it could be worth it to take a small day trip somewhere. Weather allowing, a walk like Walter suggests would likely accomplish a lot of the same feelings (or lack thereof) I get from these drives. Something about being in an unfamiliar place really shuts off my negative thinking. Biggest drawback with this option is safety. Be careful and mindful of your surroundings. This is especially true on foot for obvious reasons, but caution is also warranted for the drive. Study your GPS ahead of time for alternate routes. Be ready to turn off your music and focus on intersections and tricky turns that are brand new to you.
3. Going back to books - renting a few nonfiction ebooks from your local library is a decent option. A well-written history or popular science book can take you out of your head while avoiding the pitfalls of fiction I mentioned before. Overdrive and Libby are good apps for this. Worldcat can help you find print books if that's more your thing or if the ebook of a title you want is not available. Project Gutenberg has edocs in various formats of titles that have passed copyright. LibreVox is the audiobook equivalent using volunteer narrators.
4. I enjoy instrumental music a lot and can spend hours immersed in it. Definitely not for everyone though and can have similar pitfalls to fiction. Music with lyrics definitely has that problem, but instrumental music could too depending on what it makes you think of as you listen.

 

[whywere]

Your story brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry you've had to endure such a rough time with the holidays. Thank you for your insight and for sharing your story. -Lily

You are very welcome. You are a bright, loving person with a wonderful personality. As caring of a soul as you are I truly wish that you have a wonderful Christmas season as you deserve a fantastic time.

Folks like you , who think of others, are the very best that humankind stands for and you are such a awesome kindred soul that I cry with happiness thinking of lovely folks like you.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, always have, always will. and take care my good friend.

Walter

 

[LittleJem]

Have you found LGBT+ support groups or phone lines? I wonder if they could advise or help? Do you know anyone else who is Trans or could you look for Trans friends? I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you find like-minded and kind people.

 

[callme]

If you hve a phone, can I suggest getting Chess King Learn? Get the modded apk from Rexdl. This is a mega collection of the best chess courses from beginner, extremely specific and it has no ads.

 

[OrcWitch]

Spending holidays alone after being disowned sounds pretty painful. My only advice from relating to this was to just to look forward to a time when it won't be so alone. I'm sorry though it's going to be pretty rough.

 

[hashtagnull]

I went through painful years where I somehow expected something special to happen, while knowing I wouldn't see anyone, and hadn't arranged something. Some of the time I would try to arrange something special for myself, but it always led to a sense of disappointment/anticlimax, because ultimately christmas is presented as a time of closeness and love, people making time for each other. If you don't have anyone to do that with, it's very sad and lonely to feel left out.

I finally stopped expecting anything and now almost ignore christmas/new year. This may sound sad, but actually it's very freeing, and not only frees me from christmas sadness, but also, all the anxiety/excitement leading up to the holidays.

 

[netrezven]

Strippers, lots of strippers :)

 

[stellabelle]

Hello Everyone,

As the title says, how do you get through the holidays alone?

I was wondering if anyone has some experience with this they would be willing to share. I've spent the last three years going to my soon to be ex-wife's family holidays and years before that going to both our families. This year it's going to be me all by myself.

I lost touch with my friends when I came out trans and my family relationship is also very toxic and not an option for me either. I know I won't get invited to either.

I know people say to go volunteer or to make the day special for myself. I can't even think about volunteering when my life is in such disarray and I'm as much of a mess as I am. I'm trying to think about how I could make the day(s) special and to take care of myself but I can't. I can hardly even eat anything alone. I just don't know if I can make it through the holidays.

Think of it as you would any other time of the year.

I've hated holidays for the stupid material possession aspect of it, being ignored, saying I don't want gifts but a place to be away from BS and bad relationships. The family jus thought plastic crap would be "good" anyway and it was insulting. It lost its "magic" or appeal so many times.

Oh you like this idea of a job? Let's buy plastic crap and then wonder why you're mad about it. "Well we thought it was nice." - I don't. I told you what I wanted. Along with putting a stop to insulting my clothing or my job. Or telling me I'm not good enough.

It's sad.

I liked a "just for fun" aspect of it but that went out the window.

So be it.

People nagged nagged nagged away at my self esteem, insulted my intelligence, lied and stole and lied and stole and lied some more. They'd stop at nothing to be annoying or burn me out of everything.

It's just not worth it.

I think of those stupid ugly Santa pictures that I hated and didn't want that my mother insisted on getting. It was about her.

One year she sent my sister with money to a mall to buy an alien fiber optic light that I liked from the mall. My sister met a guy there and my mother beat the hell out of her for it. She set her up and went to the mall and waited to see her and made a huge scene. I felt awful.

I think it's also teaching young children to be materialistic.
It's bribery.
That the best gifts are time well spent and respect.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I think I did it a few years ago and will be doing it again this year… I can honestly say there are a few things worse. Try to connect to some other human beings would be my best advice.