How to get the courage to ctb

[everythingblack]

There is no hope for me, I had a future and am slowly but surely self sabotaging it/throwing away due to untreated and worsening mental health issues. Things have only gotten progressively worse over the years. I've sought out help multiple times only to be met with trite, cliche pieces of advice and ineffective treatments.
I want to ctb. I don't want this anymore, but there is still a stubborn part of me that is afraid to, and believes in the hope to live, though I logically know this is wishful thinking.
Due to depression I am also not even motivated enough to put in the effort to reliably ctb. Sure, I could use a more rash method, but I am very neurotic and like to plan things out to a tee. I don't even have the energy to do this.
So what's the solution? Just sit here and waste away? I hate being stuck in a state of indecisiveness. My mentality has always been either get it over with and ctb, or do something with your life and stop complaining. Either way, I don't want to be stuck here anymore. How do I gain the courage to do it?

 

[BBBB]

Thanks for finding the strength to share. When you suffer from depression even the simplest things are hard to do. I'm so sorry that you're suffering so much and you want to be gone. I do to!!!!! BUT I truly believe that when someone says they have some hope to live then it's not their time to go yet. I personally have no hope

 

[everythingblack]

Thanks for finding the strength to share. When you suffer from depression even the simplest things are hard to do. I'm so sorry that you're suffering so much and you want to be gone. I do to!!!!! BUT I truly believe that when someone says they have some hope to live then it's not their time to go yet. I personally have no hope

I'm sorry to hear you are having a similar experience. I am annoyed at the hope I have because it is not based in reality, it is just wishful thinking I have had since childhood, almost like a fairytale reality

 

[MewtwoIsAlive]

Were in the situation, I want to ctb for years but always been scared/not sure. But over the years my situation is getting worse and worse which made to be more decisive. In the past year I finally decided to do this but only when the right time comes. Maybe over the time you will get more decisive and sure or maybe make up your mind. Anyways, remember that it your desicion and no one can do this for you.

 

[stoopid]

Hope is a lie, suffering is part of the process to understand the evil scheme we're trapped in. It's just my theory, but maybe it's time you need, time to understand that being afraid is part of the process also. Process is an act itself, literally and you need time to clear your head, clear your soul from fear. Going over with fear and regrets are possible obviously but I wouldn't call it fine practice. Give yourself time and you will find a way for what you truly desire.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that after all, only you know when it's the right time to leave this world and I believe that it's a feeling that someone has. But I at least know that if I had a peaceful and reliable method I would have no problems going through with ctb, I believe that those who managed to succeed found a method that they felt confident in and they went through with it. I think that with many people they likely got very desperate to escape existence.

I do very much envy those who are gone and I admire the courage that they had as going through with suicide can certainly be difficult as one has to overcome the instinct to survive. But there are just no easy answers to this, I certainly see any false hope in this world as being a delusion to just lead to more torment. Of course there is no real relief from suffering in this hellish world.

 

[Lavander 230]

Wtf all these people in your thread sound sooo depressing. Listen, do not rush. If you're not sure about what you should do next that can very mean that it's not your time yet. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to speak with me or someone else, who isn't as depressed as.. well these people. Ending your life is a choice and you can do it at any time, but living is more like a mission and you must fulfill it. Please explain the main reason you feel this way and perhaps we can help you out to feel better.