Venting how to get over SI?

[devil]

I've reached the point where i'm numb to everything and have no energy at all to get out of bed anymore.
I had to leave work early because I literally couldn't do anything at all, i'm just so over it and i'm exhausted.
Deep down I know i'm ready to ctb, I've thought about it a lot in the past couple of days and I realized
that there's nothing more that I want out of this shitty life. I can't keep going on pretending that i'm happy
and people are starting to realize that something is wrong, so obviously i'm not hiding it as well anymore.
There's always that little part of me that wants to reach out for help, but I've done that so many times now and
I've received nothing from it at all. So there's no point, I don't know what else to do. I just can't get over my shitty
SI, all of my attempts in the past would've probably worked if it wasn't for the fucking SI. i'm sick of it

 

[Jon86]

It's strange, there are people living on the streets with HIV, who continue to live while some successful millionaires end their lives.

There's so many factors to suicide, you can't point to any one thing. Hope, fear, shame, guilt, willpower, faith, etc. all play factors.

In the end, all it takes is a moment of 'clarity' or 'madness' depending on your perspective, how to overcome it idk, i've been consistently suicidal for a decade.

 

[HGL91]

I've reached the point where i'm numb to everything and have no energy at all to get out of bed anymore.
I had to leave work early because I literally couldn't do anything at all, i'm just so over it and i'm exhausted.
Deep down I know i'm ready to ctb, I've thought about it a lot in the past couple of days and I realized
that there's nothing more that I want out of this shitty life. I can't keep going on pretending that i'm happy
and people are starting to realize that something is wrong, so obviously i'm not hiding it as well anymore.
There's always that little part of me that wants to reach out for help, but I've done that so many times now and
I've received nothing from it at all. So there's no point, I don't know what else to do. I just can't get over my shitty
SI, all of my attempts in the past would've probably worked if it wasn't for the fucking SI. i'm sick of it

Pretending to be happy is exhausting and so necessary to keep a job. It's torture. Sorry you feel that you are at the end of your rope. For me, turning my mouth up for a smile feels like lifting 100 lbs.

 

[Codieb1]

I wonder if there's some kind of drug that helps block SI