Venting how to get over guilt of living for others

[nonentity]

hi all

i have relapsed and am now going back to planning a date for my ctb. i feel horribly guilty because i am loved by many and their lives will be changed forever the moment i'm no longer here. i am tired. i am tired of living for others. i'm tired of fighting. everyone wants me to continue. but why do i have to?

i feel selfish, i think i am being selfish. they believe in me, and that i can do this, but i don't want to. i can't do it. and i feel weak.

what do i do. how do i become less guilty. i know there's probably no answer for this, but. i don't want to live anymore, and i'm planning partial hanging like i did for two attempts now.

 

[Little_Suzy]

It would be the same as if you went outside and a car hit you, killing you. We all die. Life goes on.

Your conscience is clear, as long as you tell them it is not their fault and that your suicide is the same as a natural death.

If they love you, they will respect your wishes.

Imagine telling a loved one with cancer that no matter how much pain they are in, they should stay alive for you. Pfft!

 

[nonentity]

It would be the same as if you went outside and a car hit you, killing you. We all die. Life goes on.

Your conscience is clear, as long as you tell them it is not their fault and that your suicide is the same as a natural death.

If they love you, they will respect your wishes.

Imagine telling a loved one with cancer that no matter how much pain they are in, they should stay alive for you. Pfft!

this actually put me at ease a lot with it and helps me feel better about it - just having so many people asking and pleading is hard to listen to and tear myself away from

 

[dragalia_xp]

hi all

i have relapsed and am now going back to planning a date for my ctb. i feel horribly guilty because i am loved by many and their lives will be changed forever the moment i'm no longer here. i am tired. i am tired of living for others. i'm tired of fighting. everyone wants me to continue. but why do i have to?

i feel selfish, i think i am being selfish. they believe in me, and that i can do this, but i don't want to. i can't do it. and i feel weak.

what do i do. how do i become less guilty. i know there's probably no answer for this, but. i don't want to live anymore, and i'm planning partial hanging like i did for two attempts now.

Think of the selfishness going both ways. People love to call ctb selfish, but they are being selfish by begging you to stay in a place you don't like for their enjoyment. That's one way I get over the guilt at least.

 

[FuneralCry]

The selfish ones are those who wish to force others to suffer until they die anyway, the way that I see it suicide is a personal decision and isn't something for other people to decide, it's up to the individual whether to continue or not. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Little_Suzy]

this actually put me at ease a lot with it and helps me feel better about it - just having so many people asking and pleading is hard to listen to and tear myself away from

You come across as very sweet, and I'm sorry this is weighing heavily on your mind. It's truly heartwarming how you acknowledge and show appreciation for the love you've received. Wonderful, loving people surround you; those who feel supported are less likely to take their own lives. I hope you can overcome the odds and live the life that is rightfully yours.

 

[nonentity]

Think of the selfishness going both ways. People love to call ctb selfish, but they are being selfish by begging you to stay in a place you don't like for their enjoyment. That's one way I get over the guilt at least.

The selfish ones are those who wish to force others to suffer until they die anyway, the way that I see it suicide is a personal decision and isn't something for other people to decide, it's up to the individual whether to continue or not. But anyway best wishes.

i just wish it was so black and white like that - i wish i could just commit without the regret i feel right before, i'm in love with someone who's sweet to me, who's scared for me, but he's taken and it's hard to live my life

You come across as very sweet, and I'm sorry this is weighing heavily on your mind. It's truly heartwarming how you acknowledge and show appreciation for the love you've received. Wonderful, loving people surround you; those who feel supported are less likely to take their own lives. I hope you can overcome the odds and live the life that is rightfully yours.

this made me cry, suzy - thank you for those kind words, i'm on the edge - teetering between wanting to take the plunge or not... i can do it so easily without any problem, but then i imagine what it's like when i'm gone, and i can't do that to them. i can't do that to anyone. so i'm stuck suffering in between. i just don't want to hurt or live anymore. but this is where my problem lies -- how do i live for others when i no longer want to?