Help How to gather the courage to commit suicide?

[ghulam_e_khuda]

Not only have I ruined my own life, I've ruined other people's lives too. I am most likely going to jail for my actions. I can't see any way to fix things at this point. I guess I should kill myself. But I don't have access to suicide methods.

Despite being an adult, I am heavily dependent on my parents because I have autism spectrum disorder. I don't have a bank account, and I can't go outside unaccompanied. Therefore I can't buy a rope, I can't buy pills, I can't buy anything using which I can commit suicide effectively and painlessly.

The only two ways I can think of committing suicide are jumping off the roof of a four-storey building, and overdosing on psychiatric drugs. The second one has no chance of working. The first one will probably work, but it will be excruciatingly painful.

This is why I can't gather the courage to commit suicide. I know it will be very painful. I really don't know what to do.

 

[sezhian]

The first one will surely not work. Falling from a four storey building will very likely not kill you. You will end up with a lot of shattered bones and sustain internal damage. Or worse, you could break your spine and live in a vegetative state for the rest of your time. Why is overdosing on pills not an option?

 

[Sherri]

Hello Ghulam. I'm so sorry you are in such despair. And having no means to do it. i will be honest with you. Jumping from a 4 stories high won't probably get you to achieve your goal. Such as pills, they area very hard to OD with those. Have you read the compilation on this page. Maybe you can find something less painful. If you decide to stay a bit longer and have our community support the Best we can. Hugs

 

[justanotherstar]

Hi Ghulam, I'm sorry you are suffering so much right now and CTB seems like your only option. Unfortunately jumping from 4 storeys will likely just break many bones in your body, I know several people who have jumped and now cannot walk and are more unhappy with their life. And as said OD is often not an effective way to die, it's very slow and painful and often just ends in organ damage. Try having a read through the resources. Maybe it might help to talk more about what's going on for you, you may find talking about your situation helps. The SS Community is lovely and is here for you

 

[sezhian]

Jumping freaks me out . Drowning i woud do but that is painful . Freediving blackout is not painful and i love it for me.

How do you achieve freediving blackout? Doesn't seem to be any sure way of doing it. Wouldn't you suffer through the drowning process instead, if you didn't blackout?

 

[ghulam_e_khuda]

The first one will surely not work. Falling from a four storey building will very likely not kill you. You will end up with a lot of shattered bones and sustain internal damage. Or worse, you could break your spine and live in a vegetative state for the rest of your time. Why is overdosing on pills not an option?

If I swallow a few dozen 100 mg SSRIs, will I die? I have been informed that this will probably lead to a non-fatal episode of serotonin syndrome, and will be extremely painful,

 

[sezhian]

If I swallow a few dozen 100 mg SSRIs, will I die? I have been informed that this will probably lead to a non-fatal episode of serotonin syndrome, and will be extremely painful,

You're right, few dozen won't do it. More chances of you just suffering even more. I thought you had access to much more.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I think that different things would probably motivate different people to really commit to ctb. For me, the things that motivate me are the things in life which make me angry - the hard facts of life which I want to change but I'm powerless to do so. Being unable to change them, and not being content to just accept them, I reason that the second best option is to die. It may be dangerous, but I find anger to be the strongest action motivator. I'm still trying to work up to it myself.

 

[gtrfvr]

I think that different things would probably motivate different people to really commit to ctb. For me, the things that motivate me are the things in life which make me angry - the hard facts of life which I want to change but I'm powerless to do so. Being unable to change them, and not being content to just accept them, I reason that the second best option is to die. It may be dangerous, but I find anger to be the strongest action motivator. I'm still trying to work up to it myself.

agree. used to think it was mainly about will but come to believe it's about rage. directed at self - not against others (hard enough to ctb they'll have to find their own way)

 

[Superdeterminist]

agree. used to think it was mainly about will but come to believe it's about rage. directed at self - not against others (hard enough to ctb they'll have to find their own way)

Personally I don't feel much rage directed towards myself - I'm not really that angry about myself or anyone else, I'm angry mostly about the circumstances. There are definitely aspects of myself that I dislike and would like to change, and they do make me a little angry, but because there's no free will, I find it difficult to stay angry. Why did any of this happen? I can't blame people because they aren't the fundamental basis of reality. If people do something 'wrong', something motivated them to do so. I really don't want to damage my body in any way, but if that's the only way to end this bad experience, then so be it. I personally do believe that it's all about the will, and its being imposed on. It feels like my will has been imposed on too much - it just hit a certain point and now I don't want to continue.

 

[Pulpit2018]

I do not think this is a matter of courage. Its more of how much suffering you can bear.
When the right moments comes, you know it.

 

[Scotty]

If I swallow a few dozen 100 mg SSRIs, will I die? I have been informed that this will probably lead to a non-fatal episode of serotonin syndrome, and will be extremely painful,

I'm so sorry for your pain. Serotonin Syndrome could cause death, but it's not fun at all. I accidentally induced SS and I was really sick for days. Not fun, but with enough meds and time out of the hospital it can kill.

 

[Spitfire]

Not only have I ruined my own life, I've ruined other people's lives too. I am most likely going to jail for my actions. I can't see any way to fix things at this point. I guess I should kill myself. But I don't have access to suicide methods.

Despite being an adult, I am heavily dependent on my parents because I have autism spectrum disorder. I don't have a bank account, and I can't go outside unaccompanied. Therefore I can't buy a rope, I can't buy pills, I can't buy anything using which I can commit suicide effectively and painlessly.

The only two ways I can think of committing suicide are jumping off the roof of a four-storey building, and overdosing on psychiatric drugs. The second one has no chance of working. The first one will probably work, but it will be excruciatingly painful.

This is why I can't gather the courage to commit suicide. I know it will be very painful. I really don't know what to do.

That sounds potentially too painful. I remember reading statistics from a hospital in New York claiming there is approximately 50% chance of dying from a 3-5 story fall onto a hardtop surface. With those numbers it sounds like it could be long and drawn out, and seriously painful death in some cases. 7-10 story's is even questionable if can not ensure to land hitting directly on the head. The aorta may tear and the internal organs may suffer critical damage, major bones breaking could cause too painful a death to imagine in my mind. I would not want to fail or mess up a jump and there is no way would I risk those consequences at that height.

If I swallow a few dozen 100 mg SSRIs, will I die? I have been informed that this will probably lead to a non-fatal episode of serotonin syndrome, and will be extremely painful,

There are too many factors and unknown variables to consider with overdoses. Unless you do research to find what may or may not work, then I think it will likely result in a failed attempt. The SSRI class of drugs are not good to use for CTB though.

 

[Arthaniel]

Not only have I ruined my own life, I've ruined other people's lives too. I am most likely going to jail for my actions. I can't see any way to fix things at this point. I guess I should kill myself. But I don't have access to suicide methods.

Despite being an adult, I am heavily dependent on my parents because I have autism spectrum disorder. I don't have a bank account, and I can't go outside unaccompanied. Therefore I can't buy a rope, I can't buy pills, I can't buy anything using which I can commit suicide effectively and painlessly.

The only two ways I can think of committing suicide are jumping off the roof of a four-storey building, and overdosing on psychiatric drugs. The second one has no chance of working. The first one will probably work, but it will be excruciatingly painful.

This is why I can't gather the courage to commit suicide. I know it will be very painful. I really don't know what to do.

I'm very sorry for the situation you described, but since you have an autism spectrum, do you perceive the situation a bit wrong? If you need care and are diagnosed with such a medical condition, how can you be so criminally liable to be imprisoned? My country has quite strict laws, but someone with autism who needs care would have to commit murder or a series of crimes to end up in jail, otherwise it would end up in a psychiatric facility

 

[Intotheflames]

Just like you I am also heavily dependent on my mom, no my own money to do anything or buy anything without her knowing. It is also part of why I wanna go. FWIW I used scarfs for partial hanging and while the fact that I am typing might seem to you it didn't work, the flaw were not enough force/pressure and wrong position of the noose. Basically the scarfs were good. Just make use of whatever is available.

To me it's got nothing to do with courage, it's about whether you reach that one tipping point where the mind is made up without you making it. For years I struggled without taking action, always postponing, constantly imaging the best way, the best place, the best circumstance to go, and never found them. But life was getting worse and one day I just saw it as it was, the voice in my head finally got through me - "it's never gonna be better" and that's it.