How to fully commit to committing suicide?

[mowspows]

hi alls, hope all of your days been okay.
i have dealt with a lot of suicidal feelings since age 16, most aggressive at 19 and 21 now.
the only reason i am still alive is because i couldn't commit. i got really close once but walked to the hospital, i always go back to that day where i genuinely could of died and not have to deal with whatevers going on since then.
how would i commit to dying? not looking into the future, not looking for painless ways, no more urges to communicate - i want to end it without second guessing.
thank you

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

i dont know. ive been struggling with it too. i know that i want to go and i need to go anyway like it or not but im such a pussy i keep stalling my death no matter how miserable or agonizing existance gets

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that after all people try to plan to ctb as they know that it's what they truly wish for, they see leaving on their own terms as being the best thing for themselves. And I think that those who managed to succeed had access to a reliable method that they felt confident in and they either got so determined to leave or just knew the time was right.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

Self-sabotage. Ruin your life to the point of no return. Sprinkle in a healthy dose of refusing to seek help until it's too late, and you have the perfect recipe for being ready to exit.

Practice your method. Make sure it's full proof. Don't act on a whim or it won't work, unless you own firearms. You'll do something dumb that will fail, like buy a nylon rope and check into a hotel with no proper anchor points. Have it meticulously planned to a T. Work your way up until it's no longer scary.

Alcohol and benzos can help as well.

It worked for me. Leaving Wednesday morning. See you on the other side.

 

[flowers in the mist]

I'm in the same situation whereas I have tried before but couldn't fully commit to it. It's starting to get quite frustrating and nothing seems to help.
I honestly don't have a good answer and am seeking one myself..

 

[FinalFrontier]

Self-sabotage. Ruin your life to the point of no return. Sprinkle in a healthy dose of refusing to seek help until it's too late, and you have the perfect recipe for being ready to exit.

Exactly what I did now counting down the days, definitely puts you in a position to follow through

 

[JustABug]

You have to let go of everything.

 

[LonelyKitten]

Self-sabotage. Ruin your life to the point of no return. Sprinkle in a healthy dose of refusing to seek help until it's too late, and you have the perfect recipe for being ready to exit.

I'd be very careful with this.
Being more desperate or pained won't necessarily make going any easier (especially if it was induced deliberately).
I think it actually makes it harder, as all the new problems bring their own distractions (making proper planning more difficult), and they interfere with your resources, (likely limited if you're suicidal) energy, and time.
No matter how much you wanna go, you need as much of those 3 as you can get to set up a plan that can beat survival instinct. SI is damn strong.
Self-harm can be addictive, too, and these new problems may keep you occupied - ultimately effectively stalling your end.

And if there was that secret core in you that didn't wanna go, you'll severely regret the self-sabotaging efforts.
Making yourself more miserable won't extinguish it, if it exists. Would make it surface, though.

I feel like the devil is moreso in the proper planning out.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

Self-sabotage. Ruin your life to the point of no return. Sprinkle in a healthy dose of refusing to seek help until it's too late, and you have the perfect recipe for being ready to exit.

Practice your method. Make sure it's full proof. Don't act on a whim or it won't work, unless you own firearms. You'll do something dumb that will fail, like buy a nylon rope and check into a hotel with no proper anchor points. Have it meticulously planned to a T. Work your way up until it's no longer scary.

Alcohol and benzos can help as well.

It worked for me. Leaving Wednesday morning. See you on the other side.

Lol this i guess, as fucked up as it sounds... i did do a lot of self sabotage to push myself over the edge

 

[pinkribbonscars]

I'd be very careful with this.
Being more desperate or pained won't necessarily make going any easier (especially if it was induced deliberately).
I think it actually makes it harder, as all the new problems bring their own distractions (making proper planning more difficult), and they interfere with your resources, (likely limited if you're suicidal) energy, and time.
No matter how much you wanna go, you need as much of those 3 as you can get to set up a plan that can beat survival instinct. SI is damn strong.
Self-harm can be addictive, too, and these new problems may keep you occupied - ultimately effectively stalling your end.

And if there was that secret core in you that didn't wanna go, you'll severely regret the self-sabotaging efforts.
Making yourself more miserable won't extinguish it, if it exists. Would make it surface, though.

I feel like the devil is moreso in the proper planning out.

It actually worked for me. I was subconsciously doing it without even being aware. I already had a plan, and I was going to wait until October.

I screwed up my chances to recover since then and actually changed my date to go sooner. Sometimes it honestly works, and sometimes your brain is driving you to do bad things to force you to go and you don't even realize it.

I guess I should say if you have a plan, you know exactly how you'd do it, you've already quasi tested it out, and you've taken those steps to conquer si, yet there's still a glimmer of hope you could turn things around and not act on your plan, do it. If you're not in the planning stage yet I'd heed what you said.

I mean I'm running out of money and since I'm unemployed I have more time in the world to get ready to ctb lol

 

[LonelyKitten]

It actually worked for me. I was subconsciously doing it without even being aware. I already had a plan, and I was going to wait until October.

I screwed up my chances since then and actually changed my date to go sooner. Sometimes it honestly works, and sometimes your brain is driving you to do bad things to force you to go and you don't even realize it.

It may work for some. I won't say it can't, everyone is different. But it did the opposite for me.
I naturally drifted toward failing and ruining my life all throughout, in the same manner you described. Since I originally wanted to die/not be born since early childhood.
But for me, it made it both harder to actually die, or to actually live.
In the bad times it was almost fun to mess up, but that was distracting/caused distracting stuff to deal with. In the good times, it was hard to succeed.
I'd be long dead, or still living my proper life if I'd stopped toying around and took things at face value more.

Ymmv. Since purposefully messing up your life is irreversible, I'd caution it. Not something you can simply try out.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

It may work for some. I won't say it can't, everyone is different. But it did the opposite for me.
I naturally drifted toward failing and ruining my life all throughout, in the same manner you described. Since I originally wanted to die/not be born since early childhood.
But for me, it made it both harder to actually die, or to actually live.
In the bad times it was almost fun to mess up, but that was distracting/caused distracting stuff to deal with. In the good times, it was hard to succeed.
I'd be long dead, or still living my proper life if I'd stopped toying around and took things at face value more.

Ymmv. Since purposefully messing up your life is irreversible, I'd caution it. Not something you can simply try out.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you.

Interestingly messing up was not fun for me. It made me hate myself even more and reinforce death is what i deserve.

I hope you find peace in whichever path you chose. Thank you for providing an alternative perspective for ppl to consider.