How to feel mentally prepared/peaceful for ctb?

[lnlybnny]

What I mean is: I want to feel the most peace I can with this decision in order to go further with my plans. I don't want to be in a mental space of confusion and disorientation. I know it seems illogical but I hope you get what I mean. I need this in order to carry everything out but most of the times I'm confused/apprehensive, like there's something eating my heart out. Sometimes I grasp a bit of peace with it but it doesn't last long. It doesn't mean I want to stay because I don't. My logical brain knows it's what should be done but I guess my emotions get the best of me most of the times. I'm scared this derails my plans. Probably has to do with SI too?!

Anyone understands? What do you do to cope with this issue?

 

[Overit90]

Probably not what you want to hear, but if you're not 100% at peace with your decision, you might want to wait and see how you'll feel in the future. There's no reason to rush something that's permanent. If I felt the way you did, I wouldn't go through w it, personally, but everyone has the right to make their own decisions

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

I honestly don't think a totally peaceful suicide is possible. To overcome the survival instinct you would have to be really determined, really focused, your entire mind only wishing for death. I almost pulled the trigger several times when I was really fucking angry, like most angry in my life. I don't even know why I calmed down after a few minutes, I sat there with the barrel to my head and the finger on the trigger. One day I will actually do it.

 

[esistzeit]

I understand you and I am currently also trying to figure this out. I have everything ready for my SN attempt and all I need to do is drink it. However, I have yet to summon the courage to actually do it. I'm not sure what's holding me back because life is not going to get any better. I hope I figure it out.

 

[Mari&mewo]

I find it hard to believe that any suicide can be completely peaceful and rational, even if you've felt this way for a long time and aren't hesitating because you wish there was a way you could stick around. finding the courage to override your instincts drives everyone a little bit crazy-

 

[escape_from_hell]

I will make use of a lot of alcohol and benzos leading up to it weeks/days ahead of time to be in a whacked out zombie mode. It will be helpful for me to zombify for some time period ahead of time to be as messed up as possible, because simply popping a benzo to chill out a couple hours ahead of time, my mind will treat it like THAT is the moment of suicide and hence fight off that, or turn it into a 'one last party' or whatever to fight off the inevitable. The mind tells me to wait even though I have chronic pain and anxiety that won't be going away magically. But the brain believes in miracles when it comes to survival.

Just know you are not the only one struggling to make peace with it. This has been a struggle humans incarcerated in this evil plane have dealt with for a long, long time. Hamlet's soliloquy is one of the best summations. You want the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or what dreams may come?

"Conscience doth make cowards of us all"