Discussion how to feel grief when you feel scared of feeling anything....erm and how to feel anything without taking drugs to get numb!

[LittleJem]

Hello from Psych Ward (this one is a good one, though I have had to fight for my rights for sure and avoid being drugged on stuff I don't want to take) but anyways.

I know that I am totallly disconnected from my feelings because of my childhood with my abusive mother. I know I'm not the only one. I am scared to cry and feel anything, partly because there was never anyone to comfort me when I was little so I learned to 'be strong' and grit my teeth.

Now I"m on Prozac currently helping me at 40mg and I feel less suicidal and more human, but I still don't know how to feel anything safely. It scares me.

When I see my mother, who knows I have slept on the streets, it's confusing. I need to prioritise my own recovery.

So I saw my mother today and now I feel overwhelmed and confused.

Any tips on feeling things? I have had a lot of therapy but really I think I just want real peopel to cry with - and I do know that everybody hurts - I just don't know how to cry.

Or any weepy moviews to recommmend?


Thanks

 

[Marine]

Medication cuts you off from your feelings and yourself in general so it might be hard to do.

Personally the only time I can safely process trauma is when I'm held by a compatible boy I can trust, because otherwise the pain gets too intense and out of control and always ends in very dangerous panic attacks that paralyze me and could actually kill me. Other people like friends might be of some help as well to a lesser extent, not being alone with the horror is important. Connecting to nature and being more grounded also helps. Music can help release trapped emotions as well.

 

[timf]

Feelings usually follow thoughts. If you focus your thoughts on a subject, you can usually experience the feelings you have regarding that subject. For that reason many consider an abusive past only briefly. As time passes, one can come to associated different feelings for a particular subject. For example, past abuse may initially trigger feelings of fear and hurt. After awhile the feelings may be more anger. Finally one can come to see an abuser as a sad person lost in their own issues for whom nothing can be done other than avoidance.

There are other paths one might follow such as bitternes, revenge, or increasing hatred. However, these paths usually continue the damage from abuse.