Hi,
I am sorry to hear that your counselor is just telling you to "focus on other things" because you're right, sometimes that is avoiding the problem. Unfortunately many counselors are not the best and it can take a while to find a good one. But if you're seeing a counselor through your school I understand that there may not be another one.
On that note, is there more than one counselor at your school? If yes, you may think about switching to see if someone else is a better fit for you.
Also, in my personal experience, what helped me some with my social anxiety was reading about psychology, social skills, and gradual exposure therapy online or in books.
Here is one website by a guy who had crippling social anxiety and who is also a counselor:
https://www.succeedsocially.com/
And to address your post about growing up in a dysfunctional family, one thing which I found some help from was reading about boundaries, learned helplessness, and codependency which can all be parts of dysfunctional family dynamics.
Here is an article on boundaries:
https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/
It may be easier to try out the boundary-setting on acquaintances and strangers in smaller situations first because there will also always be pushback when you try to assert a boundary and you will end up repeating yourself multiple times in a row before people listen.
And I understand that sometimes people or family members still don't listen.
I wish I could help and I'm so sorry you're going through all this ❤. I can see why you feel so lonely and isolated and anxious. I grew up in a somewhat similar situation. Life is hard and it's even harder when you have strict parents who don't allow you to go out. I hope my post doesn't come off as telling you what to do too much, I just wanted to let you know that I care and that you're not alone.