Mafaalu
Konbanwa~
- Oct 4, 2023
- 14
Sup sup or Konbanwa!
I've been suffering on this on a while now and I don't really see myself growing mature enough to push myself through this. Always have I been someone who felt like school presentations etc was torture and never was I able to form new relationships or a real friendship with another fellow being. So does that apply in university now, to begin yes I have made some rough experiences recently that leads me coming here having cut all social ties with so to be called "friends", even religion doesn't seem to mean much to keep ourselves together - but that's not the point of my title is it?
So this is another attempt to move on on that part aswell meaning to ask for advice on my approaching couple years, which if I'm not atleast giving it a little more effort than I have done till now I see complete darkness in my future. As for this is a person depending question let me give a little more of an introduction of that existence of mine:
23 Years old german student studying "general computer science", struggling with verbal abuse for a decade(which dropped down, but damage is done), bullying in school, lacking any real friendship, being a weeby outsider, allergic to the sun, fat enough to dislike their own physique(it was worse though), lack of discipline (and a father figure or mentor figure)... and so on. So a real pile shit on my shoulders with no one to share it with, which well that was only the tip of the iceberg to begin with.
What is now my approach to life, fix my shit that I just listed or focus on a path that gets me to lose the fear of existence ending up as a jobless neet, or do I fix my mental problems or do both?
In general I'm already pretty deep being technically 4th semester when it comes to overall progress and I managed to have 1 good job interview recently in my entire life so far, so I already am trying to improve my shitty life myself already. But to further improve that I thought people with more years on their shoulders might be able to give some advice to pull through this shit and give me advice for the shit I'm about to dip in that is called worklife.
I feel personally that the thing I lack and yearn the most is relationships & social activity, but with the friends that I had they had their own life to live while I just dragged every single one of them down, hence another reason for my appearance here. I can't really do the type of "go out and talk to people" shit, I lack the courage & social skills for that(rather than that I'm the type of psycho that takes a walk at night with no soul out while blasting some weeb hardstlye on my headphones). Every contact I made was not through myself but through others taking the first step and connecting me with themselves or others.
So in total I'm trying to embrace this "lonely" life with heavy package on one's shoulders while also not taking the "package" seriously since I'm not suicidal anymore(got some cats), I didn't lose anyone important(didn't have one to begin with), never truly experienced deep depression that much, never experienced non-romantic love after childhood aswell as romantic love in general, never had a life threathening experience or any thing truly miserable. Since I know university is gonna take a toll on me aswell starting again with the coming week I seek for some advice here on what to do and how to do and how to do the "how to do" if you get what I mean.
If you're maybe not having any clue either and up for some chats, I be looking forward to that type of stuff(coping is done better as more than 1 I think) - Otherwise I appreciate any help and excuse me for having typed more of a mess than something that makes sense.
Kind regards,
just another lonely weeb on this godforsaken place called earth
I've been suffering on this on a while now and I don't really see myself growing mature enough to push myself through this. Always have I been someone who felt like school presentations etc was torture and never was I able to form new relationships or a real friendship with another fellow being. So does that apply in university now, to begin yes I have made some rough experiences recently that leads me coming here having cut all social ties with so to be called "friends", even religion doesn't seem to mean much to keep ourselves together - but that's not the point of my title is it?
So this is another attempt to move on on that part aswell meaning to ask for advice on my approaching couple years, which if I'm not atleast giving it a little more effort than I have done till now I see complete darkness in my future. As for this is a person depending question let me give a little more of an introduction of that existence of mine:
23 Years old german student studying "general computer science", struggling with verbal abuse for a decade(which dropped down, but damage is done), bullying in school, lacking any real friendship, being a weeby outsider, allergic to the sun, fat enough to dislike their own physique(it was worse though), lack of discipline (and a father figure or mentor figure)... and so on. So a real pile shit on my shoulders with no one to share it with, which well that was only the tip of the iceberg to begin with.
What is now my approach to life, fix my shit that I just listed or focus on a path that gets me to lose the fear of existence ending up as a jobless neet, or do I fix my mental problems or do both?
In general I'm already pretty deep being technically 4th semester when it comes to overall progress and I managed to have 1 good job interview recently in my entire life so far, so I already am trying to improve my shitty life myself already. But to further improve that I thought people with more years on their shoulders might be able to give some advice to pull through this shit and give me advice for the shit I'm about to dip in that is called worklife.
I feel personally that the thing I lack and yearn the most is relationships & social activity, but with the friends that I had they had their own life to live while I just dragged every single one of them down, hence another reason for my appearance here. I can't really do the type of "go out and talk to people" shit, I lack the courage & social skills for that(rather than that I'm the type of psycho that takes a walk at night with no soul out while blasting some weeb hardstlye on my headphones). Every contact I made was not through myself but through others taking the first step and connecting me with themselves or others.
So in total I'm trying to embrace this "lonely" life with heavy package on one's shoulders while also not taking the "package" seriously since I'm not suicidal anymore(got some cats), I didn't lose anyone important(didn't have one to begin with), never truly experienced deep depression that much, never experienced non-romantic love after childhood aswell as romantic love in general, never had a life threathening experience or any thing truly miserable. Since I know university is gonna take a toll on me aswell starting again with the coming week I seek for some advice here on what to do and how to do and how to do the "how to do" if you get what I mean.
If you're maybe not having any clue either and up for some chats, I be looking forward to that type of stuff(coping is done better as more than 1 I think) - Otherwise I appreciate any help and excuse me for having typed more of a mess than something that makes sense.
Kind regards,
just another lonely weeb on this godforsaken place called earth
