How to cope with a failed attempt?

[Bluefish]

Hi everyone

How do you deal with the guilt from a failed attempt? Especially if it left you with more problems than previously?

I have to go on for my family and try to live. But I feel like I already reached my breaking point when I attempted couple months ago. And now its just very difficult to live through each day when I know I caused more damage which will probably last and makes my life even more difficult.

I feel so quilty for making such a rushed attempt but at the same time i know if i hadnt caused any injuries i wouldnt feel such regret all the time. Lesson learned I guess, never try to CBT without meticulous planning no matter how much despair you're in.

Do you have any similar thoughts and experiences? Have you gotten permanent injuries from an attempt? How do you cope with it? Especially if you have to seriously try to go on. I want to give life a chance and see if things would get more bearable. Finding forgiveness, acceptance etc is very difficult in my position.

I hope you're doing ok.

 

[CaptainT]

I empathise with you @Bluefish. My CO attempt last week has left me groggy, confused, out of it and very concerned for the delayed problems down the line (damage is seen 3-4 weeks after CO poisoning) so that's why I'm hastening my 2nd attempt before then.

I'm happy to hear you're trying to go on and give things another go. Have you got damage to your body/mind from your attempt that is life-altering or will it heal?

 

[itistimetoleave]

I am extremely sorry that this happened to you. Failed attempt sucks, let alone having permanent damage. If you are looking for recovery options, I would suggest joining a therapy group or something. That would help to let these feelings out.

 

[CrushedHopes]

I managed to cope with my failed attempt 3 years ago because I just wanted a temporary release from the predicament I was in. I didn't *really* want to die. However, this time around, I want to fucking end it all because I really have nothing left. Nothing. Nil. Zero. I don't have any more friends, and it's all my fault that it ended up like this. I refuse to live the rest of my life with so many regrets and blaming myself at every single turn. Count me out of a such pathetic, waste of a life. Only through death will I find true salvation.

 

[Bluefish]

I empathise with you @Bluefish. My CO attempt last week has left me groggy, confused, out of it and very concerned for the delayed problems down the line (damage is seen 3-4 weeks after CO poisoning) so that's why I'm hastening my 2nd attempt before then.

I'm happy to hear you're trying to go on and give things another go. Have you got damage to your body/mind from your attempt that is life-altering or will it heal?

I'm deeply sorry that happened to you, brain damage must be very scary. Failing an attempt, even one as secure as CO :/ Dying sure isn't easy.
My damage is physical, sorta hoping it might still heal itself but it's very unlikely. What i'm scared of is that this damage will ultimately become a big reason why I can't live anymore, even if I try very hard. I have other severe physical disabilities which kinda make this all a huge cycle that feeds of off itself.

 

[itistimetoleave]

I hope you find your peace. If you don't mind me asking - what method you used? What permanent injuries you have?

 

[heylightiforgot]

I managed to cope with my failed attempt 3 years ago because I just wanted a temporary release from the predicament I was in. I didn't *really* want to die. However, this time around, I want to fucking end it all because I really have nothing left. Nothing. Nil. Zero. I don't have any more friends, and it's all my fault that it ended up like this. I refuse to live the rest of my life with so many regrets and blaming myself at every single turn. Count me out of a such pathetic, waste of a life. Only through death will I find true salvation.

What's your method?

 

[CrushedHopes]

What's your method?

SN - it's in my sig. Put it there so that people could ask me about things that aren't shown in my sig.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Quotes on failure do take on an amusedly morbid tone when applied to CtB.

Thomas Edison - I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

The only thing that can really be done is put one foot in front of the other until that's impossible. Sure felt that way after I got dropped off at my house after getting blackout drunk (and hoping not to make it back tbqh). Asking people I inconvenienced for assistance certainly helped.

@CrushedHopes ,heh, I can relate. You sound like me, said the same things I said.

 

[Bluefish]

I really emphatise with you @CrushedHopes I have soooo many regrets and they haunt me every day. I pretty much ruined my whole life... But know we are all human and do stupid shit. Sometimes the concequences are just grossly intensified. It's not fair, life isn't fair at all but sometimes the stuff life throws at your way just feel so hard to cope with. I hope you find peace.

 

[CrushedHopes]

I really emphatise with you @CrushedHopes I have soooo many regrets and they haunt me every day. I pretty much ruined my whole life... But know we are all human and do stupid shit. Sometimes the concequences are just grossly intensified. It's not fair, life isn't fair at all but sometimes the stuff life throws at your way just feel so hard to cope with. I hope you find peace.

I am hoping I will, with my days being numbered and death in sight.

 

[Bluefish]

Hmmm interesting you know I kind of feel the same way to some degree however, mine is with the regret I didn't succeed in it sadly.

I feel regret for failing too sometimes. But i guess my depression is ultimately situational so that might be a little different. When i feel like crap and wanting to die i regret failing and when im pseudo ok i feel regret for ever doing such a thing. Like, if all my health issues just magically cured I'd be happiest person on the planet. But as long as that doesn't happen I'm stuck in this limbo.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

At 16, I attempted ctb by not taking my insulin, and eating a ton of sweets for about 2 or 3 days. I felt miserable and as soon as the puking started, my mother heard me and rushed me to the hospital. I was literally dying on the bathroom floor, holding onto the toilet bowl. I didn't want to survive it at all. When I was brought into emergency, they told my mother I had about 10 minutes left in me and they'd do what they could. I felt my main senses go away, but eyesight last. It was dark with a small light in the middle. Very small. And then I woke up full of IVs and a drip and tons of doctors and nurses crowded around me. I was angry with my mother for saving my life, but she is my mum after all... It left me with bad kidneys and whatnot..

I'm sorry you went through these types of things yourself. I wish I could help you. I really do. x

To answer your question.. I don't feel guilty. My mother never knew it was a suicide attempt, but I do regret that I didn't think it through and it caused damage to my kidneys among other body parts.

 

[CrushedHopes]

I don't feel guilty. My mother never knew it was a suicide attempt, but I do regret that I didn't think it through and it caused damage to my kidneys among other body parts.

At least you're going to find true salvation through death next year. Are you prepared to embrace death and release yourself from all this pain?

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

At least you're going to find true salvation through death next year. Are you prepared to embrace death and release yourself from all this pain?

I've never had a doubt in my mind since I attempted that day. I really don't have SI. Not sure why, but it makes this a lot easier. x

 

[Bluefish]

At 16, I attempted ctb by not taking my insulin, and eating a ton of sweets for about 2 or 3 days. I felt miserable and as soon as the puking started, my mother heard me and rushed me to the hospital. I was literally dying on the bathroom floor, holding onto the toilet bowl. I didn't want to survive it at all. When I was brought into emergency, they told my mother I had about 10 minutes left in me and they'd do what they could. I felt my main senses go away, but eyesight last. It was dark with a small light in the middle. Very small. And then I woke up full of IVs and a drip and tons of doctors and nurses crowded around me. I was angry with my mother for saving my life, but she is my mum after all... It left me with bad kidneys and whatnot..

I'm sorry you went through these types of things yourself. I wish I could help you. I really do. x

To answer your question.. I don't feel guilty. My mother never knew it was a suicide attempt, but I do regret that I didn't think it through and it caused damage to my kidneys among other body parts.

Sounds like a terrible experience :( Really sorry about the kidney damage. Failed attempts really suck. But it's statistically proven most attempts fail.

I really wish human body would have an off button. Like all of us here :D Because its so crazy terrible how many ways the human body can be damaged and break down, but still still stay alive decades while the mind wastes away :/

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I sort of disassociate after. Lead up is terrifying and painful, SI kicks in and i live or am saved. Then its massive guilt for a few weeks. Then i sort of forget i ever tried? Like sometimes i have to stop and remember like, yea, i did do that... Just doesn't matter anymore, next one will be done.

 

[Reyki6667]

Can't tell.
I plan on lining 4 methods before I jump in.
If I wake up, I ll automatically jump on another. I am already made the mental preparation that it can fail.
The number 3 method include slashing my femoral artery,
the number 4 would be the good old full suspension hanging.
Since I will be pissed of surviving the first 2, I count on impulse to do the less pleasant methods.

 

[redbull]

SN - it's in my sig. Put it there so that people could ask me about things that aren't shown in my sig.

Doesn't show up for me. I'm on mobile.

 

[Hotsackage]

Im kinda like u, living for parents. But my threshold for bullshit is being tested by my shit brain, i tried hanging myself today but its no go

 

[Bluefish]

Im kinda like u, living for parents. But my threshold for bullshit is being tested by my shit brain, i tried hanging myself today but its no go

I'm so sorry :( I hope you didn't get hurt.

 

[Hotsackage]

I'm so sorry :( I hope you didn't get hurt.

Nah im ok, im not gonna stop till inget it right