How to cope when others are happy

[Life_is_Dead]

One of my good friends in film school just started dating a girl I confessed to a couple days ago. The girl is one of my good friends too, she rejected me nicely and we talked about it, but I was completely torn apart inside. She told me she liked someone else, and the fact that I confessed to her made her confess to my friend she liked.

Now I see them all lovey-dovey and it's too much. I'm a bit older than them, I never had love in my life, and seeing people younger than me happy, have love, and not going through all my struggles is soul crushing. I tried to get better but the universe doesn't want to leave me in peace. I hanged myself 4 years ago, the necktie broke when I was unconscious. I was so close to have peace, I was devastated when I woke up on the floor.
If I had a button to die I would press it, but I don't and I would like to have the courage to hang myself again but I don't. I have a rope now that I know won't break, but I don't know when I will be able to use it.

I won't be seeing my friends until the next year of school so at least I will have them out of my sight. But I can't be friends with them anymore. It's a shame because they like me, and I liked them, and we laughed, but it's too hard.

Did something similar happen to you ? What did you do.

 

[wCvML2]

idk I already drifted away from all of my friends but years ago I was also a part of a 3 people friend group and something similar happened (it just wasn't ingroup dating). One friend from the group already found a partner immediately after graduating high school and shortly moved away from their parents' house to live with said partner. That friend just got super busy with their life and stopped talking with anyone from the group so the group broke apart. Unfortunately, dating can often take a higher priority and override friendship - that's why we're in a global friendship recession. I think that the skill of constantly making new connections to never rely on a small pool of people to always be there is important, though I myself don't have that skill so I find myself alone too. Maybe there will be opportunities for you to make other friends in next year's courses.

 

[pollux]

I would just distance myself from them to be honest. The only thing you can do is accept it and move on. Not that it's easy, but such is life.

If they really like you they'll at least have the decency of being discreet about it near you.

 

[eatantz]

Oh wow that is awful!!! I'm sorry that happened to you, same thing happened with me. My best friend and i liked the same guy, she told him and he rejected me embarrassingly Infront of all his friends. Then they started dating, life is cruel

 

[Life_is_Dead]

I would just distance myself from them to be honest. The only thing you can do is accept it and move on. Not that it's easy, but such is life.

If they really like you they'll at least have the decency of being discreet about it near you.

I think distancing myself is the best and only option too. Already did that with other people in my life to avoid suffering. Out of sight, out of mind - as they say. I'll just act cold around them and if they ask me about it I'll tell them I don't want to be their friend anymore.
I know it's not their fault but this kind of situation feels like a betrayal to me, it's physically painful and I can't do anything about it. My whole mind and body are poisoning themselves with negative emotions. It's suicide fuel.

idk I already drifted away from all of my friends but years ago I was also a part of a 3 people friend group and something similar happened (it just wasn't ingroup dating). One friend from the group already found a partner immediately after graduating high school and shortly moved away from their parents' house to live with said partner. That friend just got super busy with their life and stopped talking with anyone from the group so the group broke apart. Unfortunately, dating can often take a higher priority and override friendship - that's why we're in a global friendship recession. I think that the skill of constantly making new connections to never rely on a small pool of people to always be there is important, though I myself don't have that skill so I find myself alone too. Maybe there will be opportunities for you to make other friends in next year's courses.

Yes, that was my original plan too, trying to make multiple groups of friends to avoid relying on only one. But everytime I try I never succeed. I always feel left out, out of place with new people. I only felt good with my old friends, but I saw them all little by little getting busy with their lives and gfs, and it was emotionally unbearable. I almost cut ties with most of them. I felt worse hanging around them than staying alone.
It's hard to hope for something better when life keeps deceiving you year after year.

Oh wow that is awful!!! I'm sorry that happened to you, same thing happened with me. My best friend and i liked the same guy, she told him and he rejected me embarrassingly Infront of all his friends. Then they started dating, life is cruel

Thank you. I wish you didn't have to experience that kind of feeling. It's really hard to cope. Sometimes I would like to be a robot and process everything in life without any feelings.

 

[pollux]

I think distancing myself is the best and only option too. Already did that with other people in my life to avoid suffering. Out of sight, out of mind - as they say. I'll just act cold around them and if they ask me about it I'll tell them I don't want to be their friend anymore.
I know it's not their fault but this kind of situation feels like a betrayal to me, it's physically painful and I can't do anything about it. My whole mind and body are poisoning themselves with negative emotions. It's suicide fuel.

I'm not you, so I can't tell, but I can imagine what thoughts are going through your head right now. You can't force yourself not to have them, but know that being rejected doesn't make you a worse person, nor unworthy of being liked and loved. You're still you, you might be depressed but you're still whole; you're still able to go after the things you want, you still can make new friends and maybe find a girl you like and that likes you back. You might not believe it right now at this moment, but you can.

This is never easy, some people never manage to do it, but you will have to decide to move on. I don't mean to just forget it, I mean that YOU should decide you will move on. I don't know how important this girl was to you, and I'm not saying you should forget her or deny the feelings you have for her. But we must be able to accept reality and end things, so we can get on with our lives. This might be a weird thing to say in a suicide forum but it's still true.

Good luck.

 

[ChronicPainExistent]

As someone who has spent much of the last decade of their life struggling to cope with the fact that most people can easily do the things which I love but am unable to do — I feel you. There is something uniquely painful in being around those who are in seemingly casual posession of what you have desperately longed for.

Here are some things I want to say to you. I apologize if they are blunt.

Feelings are ultimately temporary and always developing. Your feelings for her may pass sooner than you may think.

Romantic love is over-idealized in our cultures. We tend to overestimate and overprioritize it.

It may not be something you have now, but I'm sure that with time, when eventually you do find yourself in a happy and fulfilling relationship with someone who does requit your feelings—and yes, you will! find that person—these painful memories will have lost most of their hurt.

 

[Life_is_Dead]

I'm not you, so I can't tell, but I can imagine what thoughts are going through your head right now. You can't force yourself not to have them, but know that being rejected doesn't make you a worse person, nor unworthy of being liked and loved. You're still you, you might be depressed but you're still whole; you're still able to go after the things you want, you still can make new friends and maybe find a girl you like and that likes you back. You might not believe it right now at this moment, but you can.

This is never easy, some people never manage to do it, but you will have to decide to move on. I don't mean to just forget it, I mean that YOU should decide you will move on. I don't know how important this girl was to you, and I'm not saying you should forget her or deny the feelings you have for her. But we must be able to accept reality and end things, so we can get on with our lives. This might be a weird thing to say in a suicide forum but it's still true.

Good luck.

Thank you for the kind words and advice. I know that I can move on with time, but I'm tired of having to go through this process again and again. I never see the end of it, it's mentally exhausting.
The girl maybe wasn't so important, even if my feelings for her were real, but it's not the first rejection, and I wanted to experience something like this at least once, even for a couple months. The real agony I think is the lost opportunity to live something new, something else, and that I feel stupid for getting my hopes up again.
I think that for a lot of things in life once you've gone through them you start to care less about what is happening in others people lives. So that's the state I would like to achieve, to suffer less and maybe reunite with my lost friends once I won't be poisoned by this negativity anymore.

As someone who has spent much of the last decade of their life struggling to cope with the fact that most people can easily do the things which I love but am unable to do — I feel you. There is something uniquely painful in being around those who are in seemingly casual posession of what you have desperately longed for.

Here are some things I want to say to you. I apologize if they are blunt.

Feelings are ultimately temporary and always developing. Your feelings for her may pass sooner than you may think.

Romantic love is over-idealized in our cultures. We tend to overestimate and overprioritize it.

It may not be something you have now, but I'm sure that with time, when eventually you do find yourself in a happy and fulfilling relationship with someone who does requit your feelings—and yes, you will! find that person—these painful memories will have lost most of their hurt.

Thank you for your kind words and support. Yes, the feelings may surely pass, but a scar will stay... I'm fearing that the more scars the less I will be open to all kind of things... The painful memories will maybe dissapear when I'll be happy, but the fact that I've gone through them still holds, and this unfairness makes me want to end it all. It's even worse when I compare myself to others. As you say, it's painful to be around those who have what you long for.
It's heartwarming when you say that I will find someone. It's weird because I know that you can't know for sure if I will, you can just hope, but it's encouraging nonetheless. I'm stupid, but thank you. I wish you the best too !

 

[MarsProxy]

I had it easy, in a way. Ten years in a relationship, loving someone until it ended in suicide. You can never be sure just how it'll work out. I'm still figuring out if I'm even able to love someone again. It's fraught with rejection and I have morals and ideals that had been ingrained in me for years that seem incompatible with people around me. I can't say for sure that you'll meet someone, but I hope you do.

 

[Life_is_Dead]

I'm sorry for what you had to go through. I can imagine the intense pain and distress that losing someone after so much years must cause.
Is it worse to have loved and lost, or to never have loved ? I don't know. It would be great if we didn't have to experience either of those. I hope you will be able to love again, if that is your wish. I wish you the best.

 

[Mirrory Me]

That sucks... But you will get over it eventually ("... there plenty of fish in the sea..."), and perhaps then you can still be friends. :>

 

[derpyderpins]

Man, that sucks. I'm sorry. The having to see them thing is really brutal. I haven't had that exact pattern happen to me but definitely unrequited feelings where I thought I was getting close to someone who then just went for someone else.

She should have the decency not to be lovey-dovey in front of you. Flaunting a relationship in front of lonely people is cruel.

 

[space-jester]

not quite and im a girl so who knows maybe this means nothing :P
i had this close guy friend when i was 18 and we hit it off right away, it was so foreign and weird to me because it was the first time anybody has ever been into me. me and him never really put a name to it but looking back we were definitely dating. sometime in he decided we werent and during one of our dates told me he wanted to ask a new girl out and the two have been together for over 6 years now and live together. at the time i genuinely wanted to die so hard it was insane!
for a little while i tried to not let it bother me, just go with the flow, but one day around 6 months later when he and i were hanging out platonically i blew up at him. i ended up apologizing hours later and begging for forgiveness and he did forgive me, and weve just been good friends ever since. his girlfriend even likes me a decent amount i think.
overall i just let it go. i realized i enjoyed the fact that we were friends at all over some stupid thing like being in a romantic relationship. sometimes it hurts seeing them act all cute and love dove-y and stuff but i figure its just his gf asserting dominance because she knows we were a thing. (i think, i actually have no idea im just assuming) i dont mind. its fine.
the great part is when it starts bothering me, i can just walk away. im NOT his gf, so i dont have to stay there through the ups and downs and his overall shitty spending habits and the fact he doesnt have a car and refuses to get a license and how he lives with her and her parents. looking at their negatives has made me realize the positives! like the fact that after hanging out with them for around an hour or so i get to go home and cut that annoying shit out! shes stuck with him for the foreseeable future.
at the moment its sad, and im really sorry that they did that because thats some kind of rat bastard behavior, but genuinely after youve had your good cries and your fit where you might accidentally blow up at them, look on the positives of the situation. anything that was even slightly annoying about either of them before is kind of their problem now. i think you should keep in touch just to watch what happens. who knows!
best of luck pardner, its not today but it might be tomorrow. keep trucking!