Discussion How to be less cynical?

[Bleak]

When we were driving home today I heard a song that used to bring tears to my eyes when I was little. I felt the urge to cry again, but these days I have a persistent inner voice that disparages my sentimentality and feelings. I thought, "What good are your tears when you don't even do anything to help anybody? Your bleeding heart is pure self indulgence." Part of me feels like this accusation is nasty and unjust, part of me feels like it is true and must be said.

I really hate this cynicism and the way it makes me distrust any good impulse I might have, and of course distrust others as well. It is the source of much of the mean judgments I make of people. How do I get rid of it? I have a vague idea of how I acquired it, over the course of many years. But I have no clue how to stop being this way. Has anyone here managed to soften their petrified heart?

I read this passage last year which I'd like to share:

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before — more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle." - Charles Dickens

 

[OrcWitch]

I think my inner monologue is less harsh towards myself now than in the past. I don't know any specific strategy, I think I just realized one day that it has been rough and I'm allowed to be a fuckup. I stopped nitpicking myself so much and accepted my own ineptitude. Your cynical thought patterns might be coming from a deeply held belief about yourself, and so they're just a symptom.

Sorry if that wasn't what you were looking for. I liked your passage.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

To be less cynical, you need to stop paying so much attention to reality, and allow yourself to be placated by the false narratives and distractions they've created for you.

 

[Bleak]

To be less cynical, you need to stop paying so much attention to reality, and allow yourself to be placated by the false narratives and distractions they've created for you.

Is this... Reverse psychology?

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

Is this... Reverse psychology?

where ignorance is bliss,
'Tis folly to be wise.

Thomas Gray made an insightful point with [his conclusion](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44301/ode-on-a-distant-prospect-of-eton-college). The more awareness you have of the contrast between actual reality and the promoted narratives, the more cynical and less happy you'll be.

So no, it's just the way it is. Human frailty is not rare. I don't know if your bleeding heart is pure self indulgence, but maybe your self-distrust and cynicism are? It's not necessarily a bad thing to question one's own motivations, but it can be taken too far. I sense that's what you're doing, unless you have good and unstated reasons for doing so. My sense is you're being too self-critical.

As for others, some level of distrust and cynicism are warranted. That's harder to get right, and sometimes we trust too little and avoid other people, and other times we trust too much and get burned by a cheater or just get ripped off. Judgements are conclusions based on your evidence and analysis, and are an important part of interacting with our fellow humans.

"What good are your tears when you don't even do anything to help anybody? Your bleeding heart is pure self indulgence."

Trust yourself more. This question is unhelpful, and appears to be unwarranted self-criticism. Is there a part of you thinking you may be too sensitive and sentimental? It's okay to be sensitive and sentimental in moderation. A bleeding heart is not so good, but living true to yourself is fine, even if you're not being as helpful to others as you would like. That can change if you want it to.

I didn't really answer your question as I thought I'd be able to when I started. Hope this helps in some way.