How to avoid getting married?

[Parnate]

Well I am 30 years old. I don't feel suicidal anymore but am okay. Most importantly I am gay. I am from India and from a traditional family. We have arrange marriages in India. I am not out to my family or anyone yet. I am very uncomfortable with my orientation so can't come out. My parents have started finding prospective brides for me. Actually last year when they said they will start looking for brides , I said yes cause I was planning to ctb and didn't want to get into the discussion of getting married . If I had told them straight away that I don't want to get married then they would have tried convincing me and I didn't want any mental stress of that.
Today my father shared me a photo of a girl. She is nice looking and all. I could reject her straight away but she is too good for that. My father is gonna share my pics with her family and I am hoping I get rejected by them.
My plan is that I will keep rejecting girls and eventually I ll get too old for getting married and out of the marriage market.
But again my father and others keep telling me to make a choice, I mean if a girl is nice ( good looks, good job etc) then say yes. Cause he is afraid that if I keep looking for the perfect match then I might be never be able to find a girl and remain single all my life.

Don't know what to do. I have barely recovered. My family knows about my mental issues but not about my suicidal thoughts.

 

[Kevin_Logan]

Hummm... By not getting married?

 

[the old man]

It's not morally right or fair to say you agree to marry someone when you as you say yourself you could reject them easily, why would you want to potentially ruin somebody else's life. If your truly settled in your orientation then follow it, that's the only way you would find happiness in a relationship. If you have to keep making excuses as not to marry then do so.
And I'd like to add just because someone is "nice, good looks good job" it mean that they are a 'nice' person.
It doesn't mean that they are a nice person,
It doesn't mean that they are a nice person,

 

[Life_and_Death]

It's not morally right or fair to say you agree to marry someone when you as you say yourself you could reject them easily, why would you want to potentially ruin somebody else's life. If your truly settled in your orientation then follow it, that's the only way you would find happiness in a relationship. If you have to keep making excuses as not to marry then do so.
And I'd like to add just because someone is "nice, good looks good job" it mean that they are a 'nice' person.
It doesn't mean that they are a nice person,
It doesn't mean that they are a nice person,

not disagreeing with anything youre saying but
cultural differences

I am from India and from a traditional family.

 

[UsagiDrop]

This sounds like a really difficult situation, one that I cannot even begin to wrap my head around because of the differences in culture. I'm sorry that you have to go through this kind of emotional and psychological torture, especially when you've only just barely gotten out of a period of being suicidal. While I can't relate, I can imagine that this is something that would completely set back, and even potentially wreck, your recovery.

I don't believe that there is an easy way out of this. Like you said, you could just keep rejecting women until you age out of the marriage market, but that could be very painful and confusing for you, as it comes with the chance of straining your relationship with your family. And I know that coming out is off the table. I don't know if it's possible or if it would help, but do you think moving to another country could be an option in your future? Also, this may sound ignorant or impossible, but do you think that a marriage of convenience could be set up for you? Where you and another woman could live together and present yourselves as a married couple, but with the understanding that you can both live your own private lives beyond keeping up appearances?

I'm sorry if what I said doesn't make sense or help. I wish I had other suggestions, but I'll be wishing you the best in this situation, because it really does sound painful.

 

[Linda]

It seems to me that you have three options. (1) Come out to your family, in which case they might stop pushing you to marry. (2) Keep rejecting the women they suggest, without explaining why. (3) Marry one of the women they suggest, or even a woman you find for yourself. All of those options are probably workable. I have known several cases where a gay man married a woman. In some of those cases the woman knew, in others she didn't. So far as I can judge from the outside, none of those marriages was a great success, but all of them worked, after a fashion, for many years and one worked for life. If you do choose (3), please be honest with the girl before you marry her, so she can opt out if she wishes. The two of you can probably have a sex life, but it probably won't be great for either of you, and it's not fair to leave her wondering why. Basically, it's up to you to work out what your priorities in life are, and then to make a choice.

 

[Tesha]

Would telling everyone and not just your parents that you have a mental health condition be less of an issue / stigma than telling people you're gay? I suspect the women's families wouldn't chose you if you had a longer term illness and they knew about it.

 

[Parnate]

Would telling everyone and not just your parents that you have a mental health condition be less of an issue / stigma than telling people you're gay? I suspect the women's families wouldn't chose you if you had a longer term illness and they knew about it.

I ll do the same , thank you so much